if we were meant to be (billieeilishxtatemcrae)

five

billies pov

i know you probably all hate me right now for what i'm doing to tate. i've held her back for years because i wanted her for myself. i was a mess and then she came around, i made my new album, i'm less stressed. don't get me wrong i love her more than anything in this world. she thinks i'm embarrassed to be in a relationship with her and to show her off to everyone.

and that's not true at all. if she was my girlfriend and the media and everyone else knew. the amount of hate she would get is ridiculous. i don't want to put her through that, i'd hate to see millions of people talking shit about her and putting her down. and i also don't want to effect her career either, she's doing amazing and i don't wanna stop that.

i've kept hold of her, stopped her from dating. stopped her from talking to other people because i've just been a jealous piece of shit. i know i need to let go, but i can't.

/

i pull up at her apartment and watch as she gets out of the car, tugging her blue jeans up a little bit more over her hips. i follow her out and take hold of her hand, holding the door open for her to go inside.

she leads me upstairs and enters the apartment.

"your so stupid for bringing her, falling into her trap once again" dan says, trying to kiss her which sends my blood boiling. tate shakes him off and brings me into the living room where her friends are sat. they all give me weird looks as she hugs them all.

"you ok?" she says to me, pulling me aside for a moment. i nod and stay silent, to caught up in my thoughts to even respond, "just ignore him bil".

"he's not wrong though, i shouldn't be here. you should be having fun, dating whoever the fuck you want and even if it is dan, i shouldn't stop that." i say, messing with my hands. she frowns her eyebrows and says nothing. she knows i'm right.

she heads into the kitchen and gets me a drink before sitting down on top of the counter. "i need to film a cover" tate says to her friend who's just joined her. i awkwardly walk over and stand beside them. "ooo what you gonna do" her friend asks her.

tate looks at me and smirks. "i'm gonna do a billie eilish cover". i smile, "do it" i tell her, putting my hand on leg. she jumps down off the counter and runs into her room, shortly coming out with a speaker and a mic. she sets them up in the living room.

"ok you all sit here but be quiet" she tells us, tapping the sofa with her hands. i sit down and watch as she runs her hand through her hair and sits down on the floor with the mic in front of her. she presses play on her phone and i instantly recognise the i love you guitar riff. this is gonna break me.

i stay silent, examining her face as she closes her eyes singing the first verse. i know her friends and brad are all staring at me right now because they don't like me, but i don't care.

"maybe won't you take it back, say you were trying to make me laugh and nothing has to change today i didn't mean to say i love you. i love you and i don't want to".

she's too good for me.