It Was A Dare... | Jayki | Enhypen

12. blaming myself

What really scares me is if ANY member of ENHYPEN have wattpad and they see/read the books that ENGENES make...
What if they have seen my books?
I mean I doubt it, since there is many books of ENHYPEN on wattpad but just imagine!
Hope you enjoy reading this chapter :(
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Jay's POV

I just woke up, unmotivated to get up, like usual. It's a few days until Ni-Ki's birthday and I want to tell him happy birthday  and get him a present but... I can't. No matter how hard I try to just move on, something always happens that leads me right back to Ni-Ki.

Either I see something of him, I hear someone talking about him or I just can't stop thinking him! My friends have tried to help me but I just can't for get about him. I miss him so much that it's making me hurt more and more day by day. I've said no to hanging out with friends and family gatherings so many times that they've sort of given up in trying to help me move on from Ni-Ki.

"Jay, honey! I made you your favourite! Cinnamon waffles!" My mum placed down a plate of the cinnamon waffles on my bedside table. "Thanks... mum." "I'm going to the shops today. Do you want to go with me?" "No, I'm good." I sat up, cutting a piece of the food.

"When are going to go out Jay? You've been in your room for the past few weeks! You have to go out! You're lacking vitamin D." "I'm ok mum. I-I don't want to go out." "Ok.... But please go outside in the garden, just to get some fresh air." I softly nodded, taking a small bite of the waffles.

"Good. I'm going now, do you want me to get you anything?" "Uhhh... no." "Ok." She then walked out of the room. I sat back, resting up on the pillows. I let out a big sigh whilst looking at the ceiling. If only I could tell Ni-Ki what really happened.... It's all my fault.

If I told the others that I was with Ni-Ki because I actually had genuine feelings for him, none of this would've ever happened! If I did, I could be cuddling Ni-Ki, going on a date with him or telling him how cute he looks in his glasses.

Picturing all these thoughts just made more tears fall down my cheeks. I might not of been with Ni-Ki for a super long time but it felt like I was. He was the first person I have ever gone on a date with, he was the first person I've ever kissed, he was the first person I've ever really liked...

I have had little crushes here and there but nothing like how I felt with Ni-Ki. It was different. It was definitely- "Jay, you're crying again." My father walked inside, sitting on my bed. I quickly wiped the tears off my cheeks with my hands. "You gotta get over it Jay. I know you really liked him but you can't cry about it your whole life. You're sitting in here, crying over something that you should've already gotten over!"

My dad is someone who's always been straightforward with things. He'll just say whatever he wants to say, no matter the situation. "You gotta... be a man and go out with your friends and your mother!" I slightly laughed. "Seriously! Ever since you've been in here, your mother has been asking me to help her cook, go out shopping with her. I don't know how you cope with it."

"Well, I-I like cooking with her and I like going shopping with her because then I get to buy my own things. Since she takes her time while shopping." "Ok. Ok. I'm just glad that I got a smile out of you." That just made my smile disappear. "Y-Yeah...."

"Ok, imma go back downstairs now and finish my breakfast." "Bye." "Have fun in here." He walked out of the room, closing the door. Once I heard the door shut, I felt a small tear run down my face. That was the first time I've smiled in... over a week. I turned towards my bedside table, grabbing the plate of cinnamon waffles.

I sat up, properly, on my bed. I started eating the waffles in  my room with a deafening silence.
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Ni-Ki's POV

"NI-KI! Breakfast is ready!" I heard my mum yell from downstairs. I slowly sat up, rubbing my eyes. I looked at the mirror that's right in front of me, noticing how puffy and red my eyes were. Yes, I cried myself to sleep last night. I cry myself to sleep every night.

"Ni-Ki! Come on!" My mum walked up to my room, opening the door. She sat down next to me with a sympathetic look, rubbing my leg with a smile. "Come on Ni-Ki." I shook my head, bringing my knees up to my chest. "Ni-Ki, you can't stay in your room forever. I want you to go out." "I-I don't want to."

"I know, you're upset-." She stopped talking when I let out a small whimper. "Aww, Ni-Ki. Come here." She brought me into a hug, rubbing my back. "It's ok." She kept on whispering in my ear. "Lets go downstairs and eat breakfast. Then we can do whatever you want." I nodded, slowly standing up from the bed, walking downstairs with her.

I saw some toast on the table. I sat down, taking a bite of the toast. I didn't really want to eat. I know I should eat and I definitely won't starve myself. But just, I'm so upset that I don't feel like eating. Every bite I took, it would just be a compilation of slow chewing and staring at the corner of the room.

"Ni-Ki, why aren't you eating?" "I am...." "You better, I don't want you to start starving yourself." "I won't...." I took a big bite of the toast, looking out the window.

Thinking about Jay hyung is really hard for me. I've been asked by people 'You broke up with Jay weeks ago. Why are you still so upset?' I don't ever have an answer for them. I'm glad I broke up with him because he was playing with my feelings. But at the same time... I wish I didn't.

I sometimes think that he did actually have feelings for me. Due to all the yelling he did, shouting out that he liked me and because he seemed so happy when he was with me. Though, that might be my mind talking. Because he was playing with my feelings, so I should've broken up with him.

From time to time, I do wish that I could go back in time and erase my whole memory of him so I don't feel like this. But then, I wouldn't of met him...

His friends keep on telling me that he actually liked me and that it was all their doing with the dare. They've told me that I should contact him again to restart our relationship, because they said they know how upset him and I both are. I have thought about it but I never did it since I don't want to through this much pain again.

I put my plate in the sink after finishing my food. "Ni-Ki." "Yeah?" "I'm going out with a few friends today. Are you going to be ok alone?" "Yes. I'll be in my room the whole day so... it's fine." "Good. Wait! Make sure you eat. I don't want you skipping meals. I'll make you some dinner before I leave tonight. Ok?" I nodded, walking up towards my bedroom.
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I am worried about how quick I was able to finish this chapter.
I'm thinking about making a second book for
this...
I mean, I end this book soon and I make like a
part 2/sequel...
Actually! Never mind!
We all know that sequels (TO ANYTHING) are always terrible so we'll just keep it as one book :)
Fun Fact: When you shave a guinea pig it looks like a little hippo (^q^)
Hope you enjoyed reading...
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