Four Letters (Chaeyoung×MiSaMo)

[50] Surging Through The Memories

<Time skips ahead...>

A large portrait of mine was displayed on the office of her boss, she said. She knew me because her boss was so proud of me that everyone in the office literally knew about Son Chaeyoung, the chairwoman's lover.

Someone recognized me because of this supposedly lover of mine, I haven't asked who yet because they were too busy celebrating the good news about finally finding out who I am.

But bad news for me, I was figured out.

They were all smiles, because finally, the kid who almost died two years ago, had amnesia, spent her life suffering in this place can go back to her family now. Good news it is, but that's not what I wanted to happen, initially.

I never wanted to know what I don't remember, and that's what I thought before I knew that I have someone on the other side. I have a lover, who is it? I was curious of my life all of a sudden. Something happened and it turned out that it's not just the bad things that did, like I thought in the first place.

But I've got to keep my act, I can't show them yet that I do remember a glimpse of my past. I'm still not sure whether it's good or bad that's waiting for me on the other side. For the very least I could go back here if it's just as how I expected it to be, which is bad. But if it's good, well, I could adjust I guess?

"Uhm, can I ask who your boss is?" I finally asked, expecting a new name or someone I know atleast, maybe a friend. I waited intently, feeling like every seconds passed of silence is hundreds of hours.

Mr. Kim's daughter smiled at me, she clasped her hands together as if she was very excited to tell me. "Literally one of the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my life!" I can feel the anxiety creeping out, my heart thumping waiting for her to mention a name. She flashed a smile before introducing my lover which is, "Ms. Myoui Mina."

A cold wind blew as soon as I heard the name, sending shivers down my spine.

Goosebumps.

Surfacing pain from the past.

Numbness.

It was like I'm being pulled out of my soul. I got back with Mina? The person I hate the most out of the moment? The person that scarred me so deep that I could never forget the pain? My first love and my first heartbreak, Myoui Mina?

How could I even let that happen? Was I that stupid enough to accept her again after all that? All those years, what the hell happened?

I was so surprised that I never noticed how Jisoo was already shaking my shoulders. Her next words were so muffled in my head that the next thing I knew, I was looking at a train ticket for our trip to Seoul tomorrow.

×××

The conductor just announced that we're arriving in Seoul in five minutes I waited for the train to stop with a large lump of nervousness stuck in my chest.

I can't help but think what's on the other side waiting for me. What was the story of Son Chaeyoung that got lost in my memory, why did she chose to live this way? Coming back to Mina again? What a bullshit. But I still wanted to find out why I did it.

People began to swarm around, getting off of the train in an inorder manner, not giving way to anyone and only caring for themselves.

Jisoo had her hands gripped around my wrist tightly, she was afraid that I would get lost in here. I just hanged my head low and follow her.

Outside where the city air hits my skin, it felt like a wind of fear consuming every thread of my being. I guess pretending not to know anything is easier than really not knowing anything at all.

Hearing that I was back with Mina again, it made me question my whole existence. That's when the realization hit me, that something was definitely missing no matter how much I wanted to deny it.

I would rather want to take my time on this, but Jisoo was very much excited to even halt and give me some time to rest. She wanted to take me to Mina right away, she never called her, wanting my appearance to become a surprise for everyone.

I guess Ms. Kim Jisoo is the type who's full of bullshit too.

With my backpack securely resting on my back, I was wearing a black trucker hat and a mask to avoid being recognized in the office, Jisoo's instructions actually.

We headed straight to the office of her boss, we got in right away, she was the assistant of Mina according to the workers here.

Lucky for me though, Mina's not here yet, she's on a meeting they said. I sat on a couch inside of Mina's office where Jisoo told me to wait. I did as told while she left to pick up Mina on the meeting room because according to them, it will be done in a few minutes.

I took my time looking around. In front of me was a large portrait of my face just as how Jisoo described it to be. I stood up, can't bare looking at everything in a far sight.

I examined every photos of me displayed on her cabinet, there are pictures of me and her back in highschool, picture of me that's taken but I don't remember when and where I took that. I arrived at her desk, there is one framed photo there of Mina and I.

I grabbed it and looked closely and suddenly felt a tug in my heart. It was surprising and confusing at the same time, because in this picture I can feel that,

I am genuinely happy.

I suddenly asked myself. How can I despise the person and feel the joy of just seeing a photo of her and I together at the same time? Was I putting my walls way too high to not recognize the memories that are my own? Was I too angry with life that I'm closing the doors from my own memories?

Did I really just lost some memories?

Or did I lost the good memories of Son Chaeyoung?