Four Letters (Chaeyoung×MiSaMo)

[3] Minatozaki Sana

I want to desist the hurt that I've been feeling by drinking and partying all night. Getting wasted until I couldn't even stand the next morning. I want this lingering feeling of pain and brokenness to go away along with the substances that I intake in my body.

I have reasons why I'm still in Japan. One is because I don't want to show to my parents that I'm like this. I want to atleast fix myself before coming back to Korea.

And maybe I'm still here because I'm hoping that Mina will come to me and take me back. Foolish, I know.

Just until I finish college. I promised myself. If she wouldn't be back by then, with no turning back-I'll fly back to Korea and will forget about her.

That was my reason why I'm here. Until it wasn't about Mina anymore. I met this girl in a bar that I always frequented.

I go to that bar, not to get wasted anymore. But to see her. Her name is Minatozaki Sana and I think my heart learned how to beat once again because of her.

I was bold and confident to introduce myself to her that night and offered her a drink. And I never knew I was like that when I had her naked body next to mine the following morning.

It felt right in every way. I want her all to myself and I want her next to me everyday. To ask her those words I never anticipated I'd earn a yes.

"Sure. I'll be yours Chaeyoung."

I was the happiest to hear those. I had someone in my life again. I opened my heart to someone, because maybe it's time. It's time that I move on.

When Mina left me it felt like my world was suddenly drained of colours. But when Sana came to me like a paint of love and hope. There were shades that I never thought was beautiful.

She brought life to me, she fixed me. And once again, I'm complete because I have her.

But then, for the second time. The one that I loved with my all. The one that I thought will stay with me forever-broke me.

On our anniversary, when I was about to surprise her in her apartment. I was excited to give my gift to her, a couple necklace. A necklace with a 'C' and an 'S' pendant, the one with the 'S' is what I'm wearing and the one with the 'C' is what I'm giving to her.

But as soon as I opened the door, the image of her and that girl left a stain in my head and in my heart.

She cheated on me. With a random girl that she met at the bar, just like how we first met. I threw the box with the necklace in her face out of anger. She ran after me and said it's a mistake, she asked me to forgive her.

But for me cheating isn't a mistake-it's a choice. I know it's selfish, but I was hurt. If ever I was to forgive her it'll probably change lots of things, especially when the trust that I had for her has been broken.

I can't forgive her. I guess seeing it with your own eyes hits differently. I just know I can't do it. I just couldn't forgive her.

×××

"Just this once please. You know my situation. Give up on your sleep just for tonight." I begged my bestfriend. I know she's just refusing to help me because she's too lazy to get up on her bed.

/That's your fucking ex Son Chaeyoung. So you sort it out./

"Dude I can't! You know who I'm marrying."

/Then ask Dahyun. Not me!/

"If Dahyun was here I would ask her! But you know she's in Canada."