Four Letters (Chaeyoung×MiSaMo)

[13] Denied

A hot coffee is perfect for frozen hearts. I ordered myself an espresso while Momo got an iced americano, and I don't get why, when the temperature is below zero degrees celsius outside.

She's weird, I know, everybody knows.

"So, what is it that you're going to say?" I finally asked after getting tired of waiting for her to speak first.

"Nothing, Chaeyoung. I just saved you there earlier." She said as she sip on her coffee without lifting a finger.

"Why would you save me at my own house?" I furrowed my brows at her and she looked at me then sighed.

"Because I know that those two are your exes and they were fighting like mad bitches outside your house before you came out." She said and my eyes widened in surprise hearing that something like that have happened even though I was just gone for a few minutes.

"I don't know their names but that girl with orange hair asked the blonde girl if you live together." She said, prolly indicating on Sana as the girl with orange hair and Mina as the blonde girl.

"And what did Mina said?"

"Oh is Mina her name?" I nodded. "Well, Mina said yes, then she asked the other one if she was sleeping with you."

I choked on my coffee after hearing that Mina asked such questions, I guess she really had changed, but I'm still not used to it though. After calming myself from having a fit of coughing, I turned to ask Momo a question again.

"What did Sana say?" I asked and she looked at me like I was the most sly person in the world.

"Are you really sleeping with her?" She asked and I stood up defensively in surprise.

"No! Did Sana said that infront of you and Mina?!" I defended, and Momo looks convinced.

"Infront of Mina, but not infront of me. I was hiding and I just came out when they were about to pull each other's hair. Thank god you came out after that too."

"Did they say anything other than that?" I asked, trying to feed my curiosity.

"Yes they did and I only got some partials of it." I looked at her like I was waiting for her to say something as she recalled what she had heard earlier. "I remember hearing that blonde girl saying that atleast she didn't cheat on you and I heard the orange hair girl said that atleast she didn't left you just because her father told her to, and that's when the war almost started, they almost beat the shit out of each other." She said, also surprised on what she had witnessed.

"Oh my god, this is a mess." I said as I caressed my forehead in frustration.

"You have crazy exes Chaeyoung." She said teasing as if she isn't one of them.

"Aren't you one of them though?" I teased and we both laughed, it's quite refreshing to see that we could now joke about our history, I guess I actually got the closure that I wanted.

After getting the topic out of Sana and Mina, we talked about each other and asked how each of our lives are going.

She said she actually went to her parents house in Kyoto when we broke up, she studied cosmetology there so now she is one of the best make up artists in Japan. She sidelines as a dance teacher and choreographer in her sister's dance studio. She's all in all successful and I'm proud of her.

We are now at the top of Namsan Tower, admiring the beautiful night view that Seoul offers. We are standing side by side, eating the corndogs that we bought earlier.

"Momo, I know it's not actually good to bring this up. But I'm about to die wondering why you left that time." I turned to look at her as I started to open a very serious conversation and she does the same by turning to look at me. "I know it's not because I'm leaving, I know it's not just because I'm going back here. You know that I can go back for you, you know that. I just want to know the real reason why?"

She held my face in between her hands and caressed my cheeks using her thumb. Her hands were cold, but her touch isn't, it's giving me warmth as soon as it hits my skin.

"Because I'm scared Chaeyoung. I'm scared that the one that really belongs in here," she pointed at my chest "is in this place."

"What do you mean Momo?" I felt my breath hitch as I asked those questions from her. I'm scared to hear what she's about to say, but I still wanna know.

"I know you loved someone before me, and I know that you still love her even though we're together." She said that made me question all those years that we were together, am I really like that?

"Chaeyoung, there's someone that you really love that you kept on denying. I don't know her but I think she might've hurted you before, maybe it's like that. But if you keep on denying it to yourself, you'll never find the true joy that love could give you." By then, my tears started falling, I can't find the sense in Momo's words but I can still feel it deep inside of me, that maybe she's right.

"It's never too late to find out Chaeyoung. I know it has never been me, and it'll never be me. That's what your eyes are telling me the night when you talked to me at the Retro, that's why even if I wanted to fight for you, I didn't."

"I'm sorry Momo. I don't know, I'm really sorry." I hugged her and buried my face on her shoulders, muffling my sobs.

"You know what, someone told me that it's nicer to let go than to hold onto something that was never yours. She said that I don't look like a thief to fight for something that has an engraved name of the original owner." She chuckled but I can feel the pain in her words. She rubbed my back and kissed the crown of my head before pushing me lightly and looked at me with pure sincerity in her eyes.

"I'm returning you to that someone, the one that originally owns your heart. But I can't help you find who that is now, it's on you." She said before giving me a smile that looks like a farewell. I smiled back as pure as I can and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Thankyou so much Momo." I said lastly before she walked away leaving the words,

"I'm going back to Japan now."