The stories in my flesh (Sequel to scars)

Part 44

Sydney's point of view;

I tap my foot on the floor quietly as I feel sweat under my arms. I don't want to walk out the room, I don't want to see Nick right now. The kiss scene keeps replaying in my head. Why? Why did he kiss me? Why did he do it? Why?

He tried to talk to me afterwards but it's all too much for me. And how am I going to tell Anthony? How will I ever get the courage to say it? The guiltless building up inside me is eating me alive. I couldn't even kiss Anthony last night because I kept replaying that scene in my head.

Finally I get the courage to walk out the room because I can't ignore Nick forever plus we have to go to work. "Sydney- I.. I'm so-" I cut him off before he finishes, "Let's not talk about it."

"But I have to explain- I just need .." He stops himself and sighs. I wait for him to continue but he doesn't, "Let's go to work, we'll be late." I walk out the door before he tries to talk again. I want to know why he did it but then I don't. He's walking behind me and I chew on the inside of my cheek. I hate feeling this tension between us, but it's not going to be the same after what happened.

I pretend to sleep on the taxi so he wouldn't talk to me and as soon as we get to the cafe I run in the kitchen avoiding any eye contact. Alice walks in a few seconds later. "You don't look so good." She says, I shrug. "I couldn't sleep last night." She gives me a note so I can start preparing the beverages. "Why?" I shrug again, "I don't know." I say, but I do know.

"Oh well sorry to hear that." She says nibbling on a cracker, "It's fine." I say. She sighs and continues nibbling on the cracker, "What's wrong?"

"I'm upset." She simply says, "And why?" Alice doesn't seem like the kind of girl that goes around saying she's upset but she tells me right away. "It's this boy, I like him but he can't be mine." She looks down at the floor, "But why?" Seriously though why? Alice is gorgeous, why wouldn't he want to be hers? "Because he's not for me. I mean we don't belong together, he's amazing and I'm- I'm nothing." Nothing? I never thought I'd hear Alice say that.

"Don't say that. You are something, and whoever that is Im sure you two can work something out." She smiles sadly, "I'm sure we can." She takes the tray and walks out.

~
It's getting closer the end of the day and as I walk out the bathroom I see Nick standing beside Alice. He's smiling at her and telling her something, I can't hear what he's saying but even from far away you can tell he's comfortable talking to her even though they've never talked before- or at least that's what I think. Maybe they have talked before.

"It's this boy, I like him but he can't be mine." Oh no, what if this boy Alice likes is him? Nick! I slap my forehead and can't believe this. What is up with all of this? First Macy! And then the kiss and then guiltiness and now Alice likes Nick? Why does every girl around here seem to like Nick all of the sudden?

Alice turns around with a grin on her face and she calls me over but I wrinkle my nose shake my head no. I go in to grab my jacket and then I walk out the cafe to wait for Anthony. I stand there hugging myself because even though it's warm outside I'm cold. The cafe door opens and closes I get curious and want to turn around but I don't. I simply stay there hugging myself tighter.

"Is your little boyfriend picking you up?" The 'boyfriend' is emphasized. I nod and keep staring at the cars looking for Anthony's car. "Can you at least look at me?" I slowly turn my head and make eye contact. I feel my whole face get hot because I feel embarrassed. I look down at the floor and he picks up my chin forcing me to look. "Sydney," he quietly says. I open my mouth to say something but I'm frozen. "Sydney." He repeats again closing his eyes, he leans in and I flinch thinking he's going to kiss me. But he doesn't, he simply rests his forehead against mine. I hold my breath as I stare at his face, he doesn't open his eyes he just stands here holding my face.

I quickly pull away after I feel like my lungs are going to burst. He opens his eyes and looks at me. I put my hand over my chest and my heart is beating fast and I'm trying to catch my breath.

Anthony gets out of the car and he looks at Nick and I. I start to panic, did he just saw what just happened? Nick glances at me and then he walks away. "Hey there." Anthony says with a smile, so he didn't see it. "Hi-hi." I say with a shaky voice. Anthony hugs me and I hug him back, Nick turns and looks at us hugging. He looks down at the floor after a few seconds.

Through the whole ride I can't seem to concentrate, Anthony is trying to talk to me but I can't seem to pay attention. While we were at his apartment I didn't talk much either. He occasionally looks at me and I know he's wondering why. Does he know? This is pure torture. What if he knows but he's acting like he doesn't to see if I'm honest with him or not?

I start to bite my nails and close my eyes as my head pounds. Everything hurts right now and I'm not sure why. Is this what feeling guilty feels like?

Anthony opens the car door for me and walks me to the building. "Sydney, what's wrong?" He looks worried and I feel bad for worrying him. "Nothing." I whisper, "Don't lie to me." I feel the guiltiness come back to me because I am lying to him. "Wha- what are you talking about?"

"Somethings wrong with you I know it. And you're lying because I know something's wrong." I can't keep looking at him so I look away. He grabs my chin and holds my face. I get flashbacks because Nick did this a few hours ago. I pull away, "See. This is what I mean. Something's wrong."

"Nothing, it's nothing I promise." I fake a smile and he doesn't look convinced. I don't want to simply say goodnight and leave him wondering what's wrong with me so I try to chance the conversation. "What were you going to ask me last night?"

He takes a few seconds to answer and then he chuckles, "It's so stupid." He shakes his head and I feel extremely confused. "What is?" He tries to talk but he chuckles again. "It's just funny how people try to tear us apart." Tear us apart. "Who?" He gives me a "you know who" look.

"Obviously Macy. I mean yesterday she told me one of the most stupidest things ever. Like I still can't believe it." Macy. Macy. Macy. It's always Macy, of course she would try to tear us apart. "What did she say?" I ask feeling anger in my stomach. "She said she saw Nick and you kiss. Can you believe that? How stupid is that?"

I feel my whole insides fall to my feet. Macy saw us- the worst thing is she wasn't lying because he did kiss me. Anthony is still laughing because he thinks is a joke and right more than anything I want this to be a lie. I wish I could laugh with him and say it's a joke and a lie. But it isn't. Anthony stopes laughing when he sees my face.

"What's- what's wrong?" He asks. I start to sob and I hug him because what if this is the last time he lets me hug him? He pulls me away, his face is pale. "It was a lie right?" My vision gets blurry and I feel more tears spill. His hands are on my shoulder and he lightly squeezes them trying to make me respond.

"It was a joke, right?" He chokes out. I can see his pain expression as I shake my head no. He lets go of me. He shakes his head, "No. This is a joke. You're kidding with me right? Right?" His voice is rising and his breathing gets faster.

"I wish it was." I sob out wiping my tears. He doesn't say anything for a while, he stands there as I cry. He finally looks at me, tears are on his eyes and I swear- I swear to you it's the worst feeling to see him like this.

"Sydney, please- please tell me it's a joke. Please, oh please my love tell me it's a lie." He grabs me as a tear falls from his eyes. "I wish it was! But it's not a lie." He lets go and he wipes his tears. At first he looked sad now he just looks betrayed.

"How could you do this to me?" He whispers and he sounds like he could cry again. "He kissed me! He was the one! I didn't-" he shakes his head, "I don't want to hear it."

He turns around, "Anthony! Come back!" I try to run to him but my knees feel weak and I can't catch up with him because he's already in the car. He drives away fast and I fall to the ground crying.

I remember one time when I was five I was swinging and I tried to jump off the swing, I hit the ground so hard I felt like I couldn't breath, like I was dying and that's exactly how I feel right now. I feel like I can't breath, I feel like I'm dying. Literally.