The stories in my flesh (Sequel to scars)

Part 19

"Nick." I say he turns around, "Yeah?" I bite my lip, "I want to go alone." He give me a look. "But I thought I was going with you." He says quietly. "Yeah but Nick. I- I need to do this alone, you know? It's nothing personal. But I just need to face him by myself. Sorry." The 'sorry' comes out as a whisper cause I see his face expression. He looks kinda hurt which makes me feel bad.

"It's alright. Don't worry about it. Just make sure you kick him in the crotch if he tries to hurt you and then run out screaming for help. Alright?" I smile, "Nick he won't try to hurt me. Trust me." Nick sighs, "Well alright. Good luck." He hands me the address we found and opens the taxi door for me. "Thank you, Nick." I say and he nods. "Welcome. I'll be in the hotel." He says as I sit on the seat and he closes the door.

"Where would you like to go ma'am?" The man asks and I hand him the note. He nods while starting to drive. I close my eyes and chew on my lip. I feel all nervous and anxious. I'm scared to do this. I should've told Nick to come with me. Oh but it's too late now. Here I am in the taxi seat, sitting alone in the back with my eyes closed and chewing on my lip which is probably bleeding now.

"Almost there." He says. Already? It has literally been like five minutes. Could he love live that close? I press my fingertips on my close eyes and shiver when I feel how cold my hands are. I'm ready to see him. I've been ready for three years. But is he ready? Suddenly I remind myself that this address could be the girls address instead of Anthony's. That girl. Macy Cottle. Her name is glued to my brain. Her face is right here in my mind. And all I can think is: flawless skin, perfect body, straight teeth, beautiful straight strawberry blonde hair, and overall drop dead gorgeous.

And me? Horrible skin color, stupid blonde ugly hair that's not curly or straight it's just blah, skinny body, and there's no way I can be compared to her beauty. I do have nice teeth though. Not perfect like hers but they're alright. So that's gotta be an advantage, right? At least something good. "Ma'am we're here." I hear the man say, I remove my fingertips from my closed eyelids and then open my eyes. My vision is blurry at first so I have to blink a few times to see clear again.

"We are?" I ask stupidly looking at him through his mirror, he nods slowly. He must think I'm stupid or something. I take out twenty bucks and hand it to him. "Is that enough?" He puts it in his pocket and hands me ten dollars. "It's only ten bucks. Wasn't that far anyways." I put the ten bucks in my pocket and get out the taxi. He drives away and I look up to see a tall building.

A building with lots of apartments. Which one of them is his? Or hers? My knees are shaky, very shaky and I feel like I could collapse so I sit down on the grass like an idiot. I feel my heart beat really fast and I can hear it in my ears. I feel sweat on my forehead and my stomach is in knots. "Ma'am are you okay?" A man calls out. I look up to see him, he's a ginger with bright blue beautiful eyes. "Yes." I say but it's shaky and he doesn't look convince. He's got an uniform so I'm supposing he works in the building. "Here let me help you out." He stretches his hand out and I take it because I'm sure I won't be able to get up on my own.

When I'm up I wipe the little sweat from my forehead and try to catch my breath. "I'm sorry." I tell the man. "No, not a problem. Do you need somebody?" I nod, "Who are you looking for?" I try to speak but I can't. "I need some time to cool off." I say stepping back. He just nods. "Okay. But I'll be right inside if you need me ma'am." He walks back inside.

I lean on a tree, I don't have the courage to go in the building. I look at the road as cars are driving by. A red car parks close to the building and I watch as somebody gets off. He's a male, I can tell by his body structure but I can't really see his face. Until he's a few feet away. My heart races. Anthony.

He's walking towards the building and I'm frozen. "Anthony." I whisper but it feels like a scream. He doesn't hear me or see me. "Anthony." I say again shaky. Why can't I move? He's about to open the door. "Anthony!" This time it's a loud scream and he turns around. He sees me. His hand moves away from the door as he squints his eyes. I see him mouth my name and I run to him.

I hug him tight as I feel my stomach in more knots. He isn't hugging me back, why? I pull away. "Anthony it's me. I'm Sydney- I'm Sydney." I say with tears. His expression is blank, he's pale, and not moving. "Anthony- why .. Why aren't you talking to me? Why?" I ask as the tears fall from my eyes. Maybe he's shocked? I try to hug him again but he steps back. Ouch. I feel a pain inside.

"Wha.." I don't even finish my sentence because I can't ask. "You left me." His words come out as a whisper. "What? No, Anthony no. I never left you!" I say quickly as I wipe more tears. Stupid tears. "Yes you did. When I got back from my trip you weren't there. I went to look for you, I did for months. I fell depressed. I couldn't understand. I tried to, I did. But you left. That's all I know. I understand you felt alone and sad because of everything.. But Sydney I was right there with you! And you left!" He shakes his head and blinks really fast like he's going to cry.

"I didn't leave you .. I promise. I just need to explain!" I say grabbing his hand. He doesn't pull away he just stares at me blankly. "I'm sorry." I say crying more. He wipes my tears. "Don't cry." He says. There's the Anthony I know. "Just let me explain. I would never leave you, they took me away I just need to tell you-" I can't finish my sentence cause I start sobbing. He hugs me. "No, don't cry. Please don't. I'm listening. Tell me what happened." His hug feels amazing. It's been so long and I still get butterflies when he hugs me. I hug him really tight as I hear his heartbeat. I don't ever want to leave. I never want to be away from him. Ever.

"Wait a minute, who's that?" A girl calls out, I turn around and see her walking towards us. It's Macy. "Macy not now." Anthony says stepping in front of her. "No, who the hell is that?" She sounds furious. "Macy." He says in a warning voice. "Don't fucking Macy me. Who's that bitch?" I wipe my teary eyes and feel my blood go to my face. "Macy!" Anthony says harshly.

"Is that why you didn't text me back the other day? Or why you didn't call me back yesterday? Is she another of your girls." Another? Anthony looks at me. "That's not true, I don't have any other girls." He's speaking to Macy but looking at me. "You're such a dick. I thought we had something." She says.
"Macy for the last time we don't have anything!" He screams.

"Oh yeah? What about all those nights Huh? And now you trade me for that- thing?" She looks at me from head to toe. I'm wearing some jeans I got for ten bucks and a baggy long shirt. And she's wearing a mini skirt with boots and a tight long sleeve white shirt. I look down at myself and feel ashamed. "Macy-" she interrupts him. "Look at her! Seriously look at her! She's fucking hideous! She's got nothing! No boobs, no ass, no nothing! And her face is just-"

"Macy! Don't insult her anymore, go away." Macy grimace. "Don't talk to me like that." She says holding her purse tighter. "Go away. I don't want to see you. I don't want to talk to you. Go away!" This time he says it harshly, I've never heard him talk like that. She looks hurt and her cheeks are bright pink cause she's angry. "You're going to regret this," she says to him. "Ugly slut." She says to me. I bite the inside of my cheek. Anthony grabs her harshly by the arm.

"Let me go!" She says as he pulls her away to the parking lot. My eyes burn and my chin quivers. I feel like I'm in high school again, with Brittney and all her friends. That's how they insulted me, the way Macy did. The way she looked at me disgusted.. That's the way they use to look at me. It's just a reminder that I'm nothing. It's just a reminder how ugly I am. It's just a reminder that I will never be good enough. And that is why as he is shoving her in her car I start to walk away. I don't know where I'm going and what I'm doing.

"Sydney!" He screams running up behind me. "Don't- don't leave." He says. "It's pretty clear you have to fix some things with her. I'll come back another day." He grabs my arm, "No. Please don't leave me. Not again." I look up at him. "I never left you. And I never will. We'll see each other again, I promise." He touches my cheek. "Okay. I'm sorry about her. She's just-"

"It's okay. Not your fault." And I feel the need to tell him I love him. I feel the need to tell him how much I need him.

But I don't say anything.