The stories in my flesh (Sequel to scars)

Part 33

"Sydney- Sydney. Wake up Sydney." I wake up startled. Nick is sitting on my bed shaking me, I try to open my eyes but I can't. It feels like my eyelids are too heavy. "Sydney!" He says loudly shaking me more.

I finally manage to open my eyes for a few seconds. "What?" I whisper feeling my eyes close again, "Sydney what's wrong with you?" He asks. "I need water-" I say rubbing my eyes. "Okay, I'll be right back. Don't you fall back asleep." I hear him go away and I have to slap myself a few times to open my eyes.

Those pills are strong. Really strong. "Here." Nick walks in and sits on my bed again. With lots strength I sit up and he hands me the water. I drink it, it's cold and it feels good going down my throat.

"We have to go. Come on, we're going to be late." He says getting up. "Give me five minutes." I say putting the glass beside the roses.

The roses. Anthony. I had forgotten about everything that happened yesterday and now it just comes back to me. He walks out and I roll out of my bed feeling grumpy. I shouldn't have taken those pills, they're making me feel so drowsy and I want to lay back down and sleep. But of course I can't. I have a job and I have to go, I have to be responsible.

"Okay ready." I say walking out the room, I didn't even bother to brush my hair. Oh well. "Here." He hands me plastic cup along with a plastic spoon. "What's this?" I ask taking it. "Oatmeal. I thought your like it. I couldn't find plates on the stores that's why it's in a cup."

"Oh gosh." I say blushing. "What? You don't like oatmeal? I will do you something-"

"No it's not that, but you should let me cook something. I feel bad that you're the only one that cooks." He smiles and I look down embarrassed. "It's alright. If it makes you feel better I will let you cook something tonight." Oh. Tonight. "Uhhh." I say not knowing what else to say.

"What?" He asks. I'm not making the same mistake I did the last time, I'm just going to go ahead and say it. "I'm going out with Anthony tonight." I say it so quickly and then I shove oatmeal in my mouth so he won't ask me to repeat it again. My toes are curled because I'm scared of his reaction. Will he feel left out again?

"Oh." He says raising his eyebrows. "I guess you'll cook tomorrow morning then." He walks to the door and opens it for me.

All the way to the cafe I eat the oatmeal trying to avoid a conversation with him. I just feel bad leaving him in the apartment all alone.

~

"You've been yawning so much. Could you sleep last night?" Nick asks as I stand beside the cash register. "No- well yeah but-" should I tell him about the sleeping pills? He might get mad that I went through his stuff and took his medicine. "But what?" He asks. "I just had a lot of stuff in my mind." I say not mentioning the sleeping pills.

"You've got a customer." Nick says pointing to the door. There I see Macy Cottle. Wearing a short mini skirt and a crop top showing her perfect belly. Her perfect body and I can't help but to feel a little envy. My body will never be near as perfect.

She takes off her sunglasses and walks to a table near the window. Her ponytail moves side to side as she walks. Her hair looks so smooth and silky while mine looks like an old dolls hair.

Every guy turns to look at her. Even Nick. He watches her carefully as she moves and I'm sure he's looking at her curves. I look down at myself. I'm hideous.

I was feeling alright and confident about myself just two seconds ago and now that se walked in my confidence and self esteem has drop to the negatives. And for a millisecond I want to be her, I want to have her hair her body her beauty .. Her life seems so perfect. Oh.

Macy looks at us, she grins at me. Not the good grin, I'm talking about that nasty grin warning me to stay away."Isn't that- the girl?" Nick asks, I know to what he's referring to. He's talking about that time we were looking for Anthony online. We saw a picture of Macy. He must remember and of course he would remember a pretty face.

I walk away without answering feeling a hole in my chest. Why am I so ignorant? Why would I think I'm pretty and confident- she's pretty. She's confident. And I'm screwed up. Anthony deserves better than me. He deserves so much better.

"Do you want to take a turn in the kitchen?" Selena asks as I walk in the kitchen. I nod. I don't want to be Macy's waitress again.

A half and hour later I walk out and don't see Macy sitting on her seat anymore. Nick is standing in the cash register looking at me. "You ignored me while ago." He says. "No." I say standing close to him. "You did."

"I just didn't want to talk about her." I say. "Because she's Anthony's I don't know what?"

"She's not Anthony's something. They're not together or whatever you're trying to infer." I say. "Well those pictures we saw-"

"Those pictures were the past. I just don't like her." He raises an eyebrow. "Why? Because she had something to do with Anthony?" Yes. And because she's beautiful. And she's cruel and because she makes me feel like a big pile of nothing.

"Because she's everything I'm not." I whisper with a knot in my throat. And I don't want to cry, the knot is just there because I want to scream. I want to feel okay with myself just one time. "What do you mean?" He asks leaning in to me.

"What do you mean what, Nick? She's so gorgeous and she seems happy with her life and I'm just- me."

"What's wrong with being you?" He asks. "What isn't wrong? Everything about me is wrong." He puts my hair behind my ear and touches my cheek.

"Oh, Sydney. Don't say that. In my opinion you're perfectly beautiful. And you see all the stuff she wears? Makeup? Short skirts? And everything?" I nod my head. "She only wears all that to cover up the real her because society taught her who she is isn't good enough." More hair falls to my face and he puts it behind my ear.

I look to Macy's table. She's not sitting there but she's standing up, staring at me. She gives me a look as she sees Nick so close to me. I step back moving away from Nicks touch. I keep staring at her. It's like I can't move my eyes from her.

And I try my best not to look but I still feel ugly.