The stories in my flesh (Sequel to scars)

Part 54

"I have college classes today, do you want to stay here or want me to take you home?" Anthony says getting up from the bed. "Take me home, maybe I can work today. I feel better."

"Okay, let me just take a quick shower. Okay?" He gives my forehead a kiss and walks to the bathroom. I lay on the bed looking at my bag across the room. I get up and walk to the bag and take out Nicks notebook. I know I shouldn't have taken it, but I got so curious.

I want to read it but I feel so guilty. I go back and sit on the bed and put the notebook in front of me. Should I read it?

Finally my curiosity gets the best of me and I open it. My hand is shaky and I take a deep breath.

December 8, 2014
Today I met a beautiful girl named Sydney. She looks like she's been through a lot, and I can tell she's still hurting. She's a cutter, I can tell. Not just because of the bandages around her wrists but because I know cutters. I know- because I am one.

I gulp feeling my chest tighten. He wrote about me. I want to keep reading but I don't feel like I can keep on.

December 9, 2014
Today I got the courage to talk to her. I didn't really talked to her, I stood up for her.. Well kinda. Our boring speaker named Alexa wanted to find out who she was talking about in her paper and I told her she didn't have to tell her if she didn't want to. The thing is, I would like to know who "he" is too.

Yeah. I remember that day too. I had just finish writing about Anthony and our speaker read it, I could tell it was Pity and she kept asking "who is he?" Nick spoke up and said "She doesn't have to tell you if she doesn't want to." And that was it.

December 11, 2014
I saw her cuts today. She didn't know there was blood all over her thighs. I think I saved her because I gave her my jacket so she could cover up. I know I should've told somebody so she would stop cutting but I didn't get the courage to. I feel guilty because I didn't do anything to stop her cutting.

December 23, 2014
I've been watching Sydney closely. And I don't mean to be stalkerish but I can tell something's really going on in her life. I want to be her friend and I want to be nice to her but I can't. It's these anger issues of mine that keep me from talking to her without sounding like an asshole. I'm mean to her because I know she won't like me for who I am. Because who would like a crazy freak boy like me?

January 2, 2015
My parents came to see me today. I got so mad when I saw my mom with a bruised cheek, she said she had "hit" herself by accident but I know it wasn't an accident. It was my father. She said I looked better. But I know she's lying, she's lying to me and she's lying to herself because both her and I know I'm not getting any better. My father like usual didn't say much. His stares where enough though. He looked at me like I was a psycho- and maybe I am. We ended up arguing like usual. And he told me I was a disappointment, that I was worthless. He reminded me for the millionth time that my brother was better than me and that he wished I was never born. My mom didn't say anything to defend me, she stayed quiet because she knew if she said something she'd end up regretting it whenever they got home. Before they left my mom gave me money- like always. That's her way of making me feel "better". But that doesn't make me feel better, it just makes me want to kill myself even more.

January 11, 2015
Sydney ran out the classroom sick. I could tell it was those stupid depression pills that made her have those side effects. That's why I don't take mine. That's why every time they hand me the two white pills I put them under my tongue and then flush them down. I read what she wrote and I knew it was time to tell her. So I walked out the class because I needed to "pee" but instead I went to the girls bathroom where she was sitting down crying in the stall. It made me feel so sad- so blue. I told her we could run away and she looked at me like I was crazy. And maybe I am. But it doesn't hurt to try.

January 18, 2015
We are planning to escape tonight. I don't if we will be successful. I just hope we are because if we don't succeed and they catch us.. Oh we would be locked up for months even more months. But I have faith this will work. Sydney wants to bring Amy along but I think that's a bad idea. Amy is cool and everything but if we bring her with us that's too risky. It's already risky enough that we are doing it. But I don't know what will happen.

January 19, 2015
I told Sydney about Jessica. And it hurt to remember. It hurt so bad. I didn't think I would every tell anybody. But I told her, it's just something about her that makes me trust her. She gave me a hug, I don't know if it was pity but I liked it. I've never been hugged like that. Not even my own mother has ever hugged me like that. She's sleeping right now. Our plan was successful, I don't know what we are going to do or where we are going to go but all I know is that everything will be okay as long as we are together. The suns coming up on the beach right now so I'm guessing it's around six.

January 22, 2015
I helped Sydney find Anthony. She found him and she went to see him. I wanted to come along but she said she wanted to do it alone. I just hope she reunites with him because that'll make her happy and that's all I want. For her to be happy.

January 28, 2015
A few girls came to the cafe today. Sydney started freaking out and I took her place until those girls were gone. She won't tell me who they are or what they did to her but I can tell it's bad.

February 6, 2015
Sydney forgot about our plans tonight. They weren't really plans but still. We were suppose to get dinner and eat together but she left to go with Anthony. I'm not going to lie it hurt. I don't want to be alone in this apartment. I don't want to be alone because I feel like I'm slowly going back to that dark place I don't want to go back.

February 14, 2015
I think I'm falling in love with Sydney.