The stories in my flesh (Sequel to scars)

Part 48

"Nick. I need to talk to you." I say as he walks to his room. He goes in and closes the door. "Nick!" I scream, the door is locked and I can hear him hitting stuff. He's still mad and it honestly scares me. Yet here I am trying to talk to him.

After I get tired of beating on the door I sit down on the floor. I throw my head back and close my eyes. Why is everything falling apart? I don't even know what to do anymore. Anthony wants me to leave Nick and Nick is furious at me. And then there's Macy- then Brittney and it's just all so frustrating.

I get up from the floor and go to my room. I immediately walk to my bed where the razor is at. Then I take it out, I unwrap it. I can see my reflection through it as I hold it up in the air. I feel like it's my only escape right now.

"Sydney-" I drop the razor as I hear Nicks voice. I panic as his eyes go to the floor where the razor is at. "What were you doing? Don't tell me you were cutting?!"

"No! No, I wasn't - I wasn't cutting." I say in a shaky voice, if Nick wouldn't have came in I probably would have cut. That's what scares me the most. "Then what's this?" He picks up the razor and holds it up, "It's- I don't know." I say. "Where did you get this?" He asks, and I notice his eyes looking at my wrists trying to look for cuts. "Somebody gave it to me."

"Who?" I shrug, "It's not like you care." He gives me a look. "If I didn't care I wouldn't have asked, don't you think?"

"Yeah." I say slowly. He walks over to the bathroom, "What are you doing?" I ask as I follow him behind. "I'm flushing this thing down the toilet." He drops it in the toilet and I feel a part of me die. "No!" I scream even though I know I shouldn't. He flushes it and I walk out the bathroom. "Can't believe you didn't want me to flush it." He says walking out. I ignore his comment and go on to the kitchen to fix myself something to eat.

"Were you planning to do it again?" He asks walking to me. I take out the gallon of milk and he grabs my arm. "Sydney." He says, I pull away. "First you completely go insane and start punching Anthony and then you ignore me and now you seem to care? What's wrong with you?!" I scream putting the milk down.

"I know I'm insane, don't you think I know? I'm trying to control my feelings- I swear I try but I can't." He says sitting down in a chair in front of the table where I'm standing. "I didn't mean to call you insane." I whisper feeling guilty for saying that. "It's the truth." He says.

"No, I just need to understand what's gotten into you? Why did you kiss me? Why did you talk to Macy? Why don't you like Anthony? Why were trying to push me away? Nick, why?"

"Alright, I'll tell you everything. Don't get mad at me, okay?" He says slowly and I nod sitting down in front of him. He takes a while to start talking, "It started when Macy talked to me. You were spending so much time with Anthony, we barely even talked. I felt so alone here in the house by myself, I know it sounds stupid but we used to be so much closer. I felt angry and betrayed, Macy seemed nice. She talked to me, and even though I knew she used to be Anthony's friend or whatever you want to call it, I talked to her cause I wanted you to feel what I was feeling. Betrayal."

He looks at me and he starts to look down like he's ashamed of what he said, I feel pretty hurt. "She told me that Anthony and you were doing better everyday, and I noticed because you'd go to his house everyday. You would come every night with a smile on your face and it made me feel bad. I never made you smile like that- not even one time. And Anthony can make you smile like that just by a look. Whereas I.. All I make you is mad and disappointed." He sounds hurt and I'm starting to feel bad, did I make him feel like this? Honestly?

"Nick don't say-" I'm cut off by him, "No, I'm not done yet." He says. I chew on my nail scared to hear the rest. "The point is she started saying all this stuff that I was eventually going to lose you, that you were one day going to leave me and completely cut me off from your life. I felt pressured and scared, that's why I kept pushing you away. That's why I was so distant with you because all those things Macy would say. That's where the kiss comes in, I felt desperate Sydney I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you, that's why I kissed you when she was looking because I knew she'd tell Anthony. I'm sorry, sorry for causing trouble. I just don't want to lose you, I can't afford to. What would be of my life without you? You're my only friend, the only one that really listens to me. I don't want you to leave me like Jessica did. I don't want you to leave me like my parents did. I want you to stay, please stay," his eyes are watery and I see fear in his eyes.

True fear and I feel my heart break to pieces. "I know I look tough and I know I act like nothing phases me but I'm not so strong. I break too." He looks down at the table and covers his face. I get up and walk to him.

I bend down and hug him. He immediately gets up and hugs me, "Don't you leave my little life," he says crying. "Don't leave my useless pathetic life." He says and I feel his tears on my neck.

"Don't you leave my little life." He sobs.