The stories in my flesh (Sequel to scars)

Part 6

Today we don't have a group session, we have an individual one. Since I already talked to Dr. Smith in the morning I don't have to go again .. Not until tomorrow. After the individual sessions are done we get called for our "class". We have a different speaker, she has short blonde hair. Her pixie haircut reminds me of .. Alice. Weird. I haven't thought about her since, well since that happened.

"Hello everybody! I am Molly!" She says so enthusiastically that Amy and Nick roll their eyes. "How's everybody?" Nobody answers and that makes me feel a little bit bad for her. But what does she expect? Us to be all happy and bubbly? "Oh well, Umm let me tell you about my personal experience with depression." Nick starts to doddle on his paper, I stare at him doddle while she speaks. He catches me looking and gives me a mean look, I turn away and look out the window. Did I mention this room has a window? A window! Where I can see some light and the clouds, where I can see something else besides the white walls.

"Now you have to think big," she interrupts my thoughts. "Write about your happiest memory." "Is she serious?" Nick whispers. "I know this might be hard for some of you, but there has to be at least one good happy memory that you have." We all take out a piece of paper, I chew the top of my pencil and think. Happiest memory?
"To the world you're just a person, but to me you're the whole world. You taught me what it is to be loved. Even though my life has been a complete failure I've had happy times with you, and only with you. Because with you I could smile, not a fake smile a real smile. Because with you I could laugh, a for real laugh! Do you know how good that felt? With you I could be myself, I dint have to pretend to be okay because you knew what I was going through. You knew my deepest secret. You knew how much I loved to draw my sick twisted pictures on my skin. Remember that day you took me to that special place? Remember what I asked? I asked: "Why do you care about me? Is it pity because of what happened between you and I?" And you answered, "Pity? Sydney no. Okay yeah I felt bad because of what happened but that's not the reason I care, its not pity. I just went to be close to you, it might sound weird b I feel like I need you close. I feel the need to protect you, to be with you. Believe it or not you have become so important to me. I don't want to see you cry, to see you suffer." And then I cried, remember that? I cried because I was so happy and you asked me if I was crying, then you let me cry on your shoulder. Then remember when you asked me to prom? That was a happy memory. I was in the library to check out the book To Kill A Mockingbird and I opened it in there was a note that said 'Sydney .. you and I prom?" And you gave me a rose and said it was beautiful like me. Do you know you're the first to ever call me beautiful? You made me feel beautiful. On our way to prom you told me you were deeply in love, then you said 'Yes or yes?' And I answered yes. But now you're miles away, in some part of the world. I don't know where you're at. I don't know if you've forgotten about me. You probably have. And because you're gone nothing feels right. I feel empty and hurt. I need you. I need your love."

When I'm done writing my hand hurts, I put my pencil down and I feel like crying but the pills don't let me. My body is numb. I rub my thumbs together and stare at them. Molly is walking around reading papers, I stare at the ceiling then at the window, then at Nick. He looks at me then down at my thighs. I feel weird so I look away, after a couple of minutes I look back at him and he's still staring. I look him in the eye and he looks at me then down at my thighs, he does the same thing again until I look down at my thigh. Blood! I quickly panic, if they see the blood I will never get out of this place! I won't ever get moved to a different room with a window. My hearts beat fast and I see him take off his jacket. He hands it to me. "Huh?" Is all I say. "Put it on, it'll be big enough on you to cover that." He then gets back to writing. I put on the jacket, "Thank you." I whisper but he doesn't answer.