Bloody Symphony | Elijah Mikaelson

Chapter 37

The two women were silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry," said Cami softly. "I didn't want to bring up something that would hurt you."

"No, I'm glad you told me," said Natanya. "It's fine, you know... Aya's dead... whatever."

Cami shook her head. "But it's not 'whatever!' It's clearly hurting you. Please, talk to me. Tell me how I can help you."

"I guess I thought Elijah was truly going to be more honest with me. Why didn't he just tell me the whole truth?"

"He probably didn't want to say he was with the woman who was responsible for your brother's death. It was too soon, he was likely worrying about how you were going to react."

"But... if he'd just explained... I could have understood it. But it's the fact I found out from you, not from him. He didn't have the guts to tell me himself. He's so afraid to hurt me but in reality, him lying to me and keeping secrets and... like Hayley said... controlling me... it's doing more harm than good. Maybe nothing happened with Aya, but she's still his ex, and he was around her all day, while I was broken and needing his comfort. Granted, I never exactly told him that I needed him to be there for me, but I thought he just... knew."

"He cares a lot about you," said Cami. "He'll always love you, no matter what."

"Will he?" Natanya asked bitterly. "You seem so convinced that I had or have feelings for his brother, but I don't even remember feeling anything. The mate bond can't have wiped away those memories. I know I didn't feel those things for Klaus. Any fantasies I had were when we just met. And they faded quickly because he was a dick to me. He hurt me so many times. Trying to get me to sleep with him, controlling the wolves and getting us to do his bidding as if we were dogs he could command.

"He was always hating on me and my brother, calling me 'wolf' as an insult, forcing me to stay away from Elijah, not trusting me with Hope even though all I tried to do was protect her. Cursing our entire Pack and forcing us to remain as wolves for the majority of the month again. He beat my brother and I up before the wedding, and would have killed us if Hayley hadn't shown up. He manipulated Aiden then lied about killing him.

"There's probably so much more that I'm not remembering. Klaus was there for me when I needed it, and I appreciate it, and I do care a lot about him. I love him, but as a friend, nothing more. When Jackson died, I didn't exactly have anyone who was my best friend. I was missing Aiden so much that day, wishing I had him there to help me, to encourage me to get through it. And there was Klaus, who reminds me of Aiden sometimes because of the jokes he cracks. It makes me feel like I can be whole again, and I just attached myself to him.

"Still, that attachment doesn't mean I've forgotten everything he ever did to me. It would take years for me to forgive Klaus. To look past it and want more than a friendship. He's attractive, yeah, but I don't have feelings for him that go beyond friendship. I'm sure of it. I don't think I have ever had feelings for Klaus. So... why do you seem convinced that I do?"

Cami had a faraway look in her eyes. "I didn't mean it. When I said that I was over him. I lied to him, Nat. I said my feelings changed, I said that the part of me that loved him was gone. But that wasn't true."

Natanya blinked. "Then why did you tell him that? Cami, he hasn't stopped loving you. He's been holding onto what the two of you had. Today... you didn't even seem to want to be near him."

"I was stupid," said Cami miserably. "I thought that I was safer, away from him. I knew you'd killed Aurora, not him, and I guess I convinced myself that it happened because he couldn't do it. So you had to. The history Klaus and I have... it's nice to look back on it and smile. But then I remember what I've been through and I scold myself for having let it get to this point. If Klaus and I hadn't become a more serious thing, Aurora wouldn't have targeted me. I thought, today, that if I let myself not care about his suffering, I'd feel better. I'd be proud of myself, for being more independent instead of reverting to the unhealthy pattern of loving someone who kills without remorse. But all I felt, seeing you suffering for him instead of me... was guilt. I should have been the one to swim down."