Condo Boys (A Journey to Remember) [Boyxboy-Completed]

Chapter 36: Clarity

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

**

These past few days, I realized how I overthink of things. I'm afraid of tomorrow because it keeps on giving me a dark picture of a tragic love story between me and Ken. I wanna stay with present, or if given a chance, go back in the past just to avoid the danger that's ahead in the future. Alam ko kaseng mamatay na si Ken. Miracle is a very long shot. I think again, mali ba ang pag-iisip kong ito dahil parang ako na mismo ang nagtaning sa buhay ng mahal ko? Masahol pa ako sa doktor niya nang taningan siya ng dalawang buwan kung ganun. I started to question myself. Do I deserve the pressure of losing someone? Does it make any sense at all?. My brain is an advance tool na target kaagad ang hinaharap disregarding the past and the present. Napapansin kong nagiging pessimistic na ako sa situation kaya I'm trying my best to wake up in the morning as if I'm born again. Maybe that way I can lessen the burden that I voluntarily bear.

Forgetting my Kentot is very hard to do at this stage kahit nakipag break na ako sa kanya. Umaasa akong temporary lang ito dahil sinadya ko lang gawin 'yun para makapag focus siya sa kanyang gamutan with the help of his parents. I'm wishing na ma-figure out niya na kaya I did that reasonably stupid decision because my love for him is beyond human comprehension. This love that I'm feeling for my Kentot is not the usual love, it's something that I can't even explain to myself. Hindi ko alam kung saan siya nagsimula pero I'm sure it's not just a feeling, it's a commitment that I need to love him no matter what. And that's the best part of me loving my him.

Ilang araw na rin ang lumipas, more than a week na rin since umalis ang mahal ko rito sa Condo, Loane decided to go back on our haven. Since tatlo na lang kami, napagdesisyunan namin, dahil sa request na rin ni Arsi, na lumagi muna si Aleli pansamantala sa Condo. Kaya ang nangyari'y Loane temporarily occupied the bed of Ken while Aleli took the bed of Loane para makasama ang nobyo together with their baby in that room. Grabe rin 'tong Arsi na 'to, dinisgrasya talaga si Aleli. I wonder if malaman ng family niya na may anak na siya? I can't imagine knowing how disconnected he was with his family.

"Wala ka bang balak puntahan si Ken, Arjay?" Loane asked while I'm sitting on my study table habang nagrereview preparing for my exam tomorrow. He's lying in Ken's bed comfortably na ginawang unan ang matipuno niyang mga braso.

"Kailangan pa ba?" walang gana kong sagot.

"Tinatanong ka niya sa 'kin kung bakit hindi mo raw siya dinadalaw. Nag-aalala siya baka galit ka raw."

"Nakakahiya lang kase sa family niya specially kay Tita Lian. Baka sabihin inaangkin ko na naman si Ken. Maganda na siguro 'yung ganito para makapag focus siya sa gamutan niya."

Napabangon si Loane suddenly sa kanyang kumportableng pagkakahiga. "Do you really love Ken, Arjay?" Bigla kong naigawi ang tingin ko sa kanya nang matanong ako nito.

"Was that a question that I need to answer?"

"Kung mahal mo talaga 'yung Parekoy natin dapat andun ka para suportahan siya. Akala ko ba nagmamahalan kayo?"

Napaisip tuloy ako sa sinabi niya at hindi alam kung paano ito sasagutin in a way na maiintindihan niya kung ano ang pinanggagalingan ko. "You really don't know what's love Loane," I sarcastically said.

"Naniniwala ako na kung mahal mo 'yung tao, lalaban ka sa nararamdaman mo sa kanya. You'll know how to fight for him kahit ano pang malaking sagabal ang dumating sa inyo, gaya nung kundisyon niya. Pero parang ambilis mo namang bumitaw."