Seonghwa had always found it hard eating. He was always called 'fat' and was told to lose weight so he began eating less.
"Hwa, come eat"! San called out from the kitchen. Seonghwa pulled a jumper over him and walked over. The jumper was baggy so know one would see his body.
"Hey Hwa, aren't you hot"? Wooyoung asked as he placed a plate in front of him.
"N-no. I'm not hot". Seonghwa sat down and looked at the food in front of him. He was even hungry and knew he'd throw it up.
"Eat up Hwa. We have a long day tomorrow". Seonghwa began eating slowly, trying not to gag as the food hit his tongue. He hadn't eaten in a week or so.
"Hwa? You ok"? Yunho asked, noticing his weird behaviour as he ate.
"Y-yeah. I'm just not hungry... Thanks anyway". Seonghwa stood up and walked off from the table, making his way to the bathroom. He locked the door and fell to his knees next to the toilet.
"I-I'm too fat"... he whispered as tear began to fall. All the bad words said to him or even just about him and really gotten to Seonghwa. He wasn't 'perfect' like the other members. He felt fat, useless, imperfect.
Seonghwa closed his eyes and he pushed his finger to the back of his mouth, gagging slightly before he threw up the contents that he had eaten
-
A week had passed and Ateez had their Deja Vu promotions. When they were getting ready backstage, Seonghwa sat by himself. His outfits become more baggy on him and they had to get adjusted to fit his body. But he didn't get them adjusted too much. He didn't want anyone seeing his body.
"Hey Hwa, have some water", Hongjoong spoke, walking over with a bottle of water in his hand. Seonghwa took it and drank some. It was the only thing he had for a few weeks since he stopped eating.
"Thanks Joong".
"Ateez, your up in 5 minutes"! The members finished getting ready and waited backstage before it was time for them to go on. Seonghwa began to feel light-headed and sick but he pushed it aside and walked on stage with the rest of the group.
He performed as best as he could, closing his eyes every now and again from the dizziness. The members noticed and gave him worried glances and their fans, Atiny, could tell something was off with him. While Mingi was rapping, Hongjoong looked over at him and leaned in.
"Hwa, you look really pale and ready to pass out, are you ok"? He whispered.
"I-I'm fine... L-let's just keep going", Hongjoong nodded. Seonghwa stumbled in a few steps at the ending of the song. Once the song ended, they went back stage and Seonghwa stumbled towards a seat.
"Hwa, are you ok? You don't look good and your performance wasn't the best as it usually is", Jongho asked as he walked over to his hyung.
"I-I'm fine"...
"No your not. What's going on"? Yunho brought him something to eat.
"Eat. You need to. You look really sick". Seonghwa reached out a shaky hand and took the food. He felt sick looking at what he was given.
"I'm good"... He whispered.
"No, you need to eat something". Seonghwa sighed and looked down.
"I gotta go"... He placed the food down and made his way out of their waiting room and towards the bathroom. He locked the door and groaned.
"Hwa"? He heard. It was Hongjoong.
"Leave me alone", Seonghwa whispered.
"Seonghwa, open the door now".
"Leave me alone"!
"NO! Open this door right now"! Seonghwa unlocked the door and walked away. Hongjoong walked in.
"Hwa, what's gotten into you"? Seonghwa looked at him but said nothing. He turned away and pulled his shirt off, letting it fall off his shoulders and Hongjoong gasp as his eyes widened.
"H-Hwa"... You could see Seonghwa's ribs, hardly any fat on his arms.
"What happened"? Hongjoong asked walking forward.
"I-I was getting so much hate I-I thought that if I didn't eat, I'd feel better... I thought I'd feel more apart of the group"... Seonghwa whispered. A tear rolled down his cheek as Hongjoong grabbed his hand. It felt weird holding his hand as he could feel his bones.
"Hwa, none of the hate is true. Your perfect the way you are. You don't need to be skinny or muscular to be perfect. Please start eating again". Seonghwa looked at him and smiled softly
"I-I'll try... But every time I've eaten so far, I can't stand the taste"...
"We'll take it slow". Seonghwa nodded as Hongjoong hugged him. Seonghwa hugged him back and smiled. He need to be perfect. He didn't need to look like the other members. He was perfect the way he was before he stopped eating.
