Drown in You

28. Why?

After a blissful month with an iphone, reverting back to the tech-free lifestyle hit hard. I couldn't even put the SIM card back into my old flip phone because the tray got too dented to remove, so I was somehow even worse off than square one. The lessened communication took a small toll on my relationship with Noah. Facetimeing and playing fun games together had become a big part of our communication methods.

To make matters worse, Noah's parents were all over him and had been letting him go out less and less, so it was almost impossible to spend time together outside of school.

But, today was Valentine's Day, and I decided it was the perfect time to set things straight. I spent a long time planning what to do, how to best surprise him. I went through several different plans before finally settling on buying tickets to a show on Broadway. After browsing prices, I realized I could afford us some back row seats if I spend nearly all of my savings. Of course, I still bought some chocolate, but I really wanted to return the thoughtfulness that he'd put in to my gift at Christmas. I put the tickets in an envelope and put the envelope inside the chocolate box to surprise him. I wanted to get flowers too, but I didn't know how to do that without Carol taking it as an invitation to play 20 questions.

I couldn't help but feel giddy imagining how he would react, picturing his wonderful smile lighting up his face.

Noah wasn't in class that morning. I wondered if he overslept. A small part of me imagined that he was late to school because of preparing some sort of extra special gift to give me, but as the day went on, those lovestruck feelings were replaced with anxiety and worry.

When I still didn't hear from him that afternoon, I borrowed Rose's phone to call him. There was no answer. So I did the only thing I could think of. I waited until Carol and Bill were occupied watching a movie, and I left to go see him myself.

•••

When I arrived at Noah's house, I stopped at the front gate and squinted through the snow piling on my lashes to see if his bedroom window was lit. It was. My heart jumped in relief and a smile formed on my face as I headed up to the door.

When it swung open, the smile on my face faded just slightly. It wasn't Noah.

"Hi Ms. Smith," I said, trying to sound polite. "Is Noah here?"

"No, he's not." Her voice sounded cold.

His bedroom light was on. Was she lying to me?

I tried to swallow my anxiety. "Oh, do you know where I can find him then?"

"I think it's probably best if you just go home," She said. "It's getting late."

I stood still, trying to come up with something else to say so I wouldn't have to leave. I didn't know what I would do if I didn't get to see Noah tonight.

Suddenly, a voice came from inside the house. "Mom? Can I please just talk to him?"

Noah's mom whipped her head around. "I told you to stay in your room!"

"Noah!" I couldn't help but call out to him.

"Go back upstairs. Now." I saw the reflections of tears in Noah's eyes as we stared at each other for a moment that felt both like years and less than a fleeting second before he turned around.

And just like that, he was gone.

I was still trying to process everything when Noah's mom turned back to me. "Go home. You can't meet Noah anymore."

My mind raced back to all the times Noah told me how he didn't want to tell his parents we were together.

"Why?" I was begging, not asking.

"You're no good for him."

"Doesn't it matter more if your son is happy?" I pleaded. "Just cause we're the same gender–"

She cut me off with a cruel chuckle. "You think that's what this is about? I've known for a long time Noah is gay. We're a progressive family. We would never hold such outdated views."

"Then why?" I couldn't process what she was saying.

"A kid like you is no good for Noah," She said. "I won't have your delinquency and drug use affecting his future. You will never see him again. Do you understand?"

The world shattered around me. I felt a pain in my chest that swelled up my throat and burned behind my eyes as everything around me began to go out of focus. I didn't even notice as Noah's mom sighed and slammed the door shut. I didn't even realize as I turned around and walked away from Noah's house, away from happiness.

The look of Noah's tearful eyes flashed across my memory, and I couldn't control the sobs that began. It was all my fault. Everything was my fault. I didn't deserve to exist.

I began to hyperventilate as the pain in my chest grew so intense I felt convinced I was going to die. My surroundings, already blurry and unfamiliar, began to pulse in and out of focus. I clutched a hand to my chest and hit it over and over, trying to force the pain away with new pain.

I managed to find myself staring up at the sky through dizziness and tears as snow fell down on my face. This was the end. I deserved this.

Everything went black.

A/N
I am so sorry for not updating. I know this chapter is on the shorter side, I hope it's ok. I am working on the next chapters and I hope to publish them quickly!!

Please don't forget to vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter <3