Drown in You

14. Ask me

I spent the weekend thinking about what I could say to Noah to explain myself. I knew it was all my fault, that I'd pushed him away for basically the entire 2 months I'd been here. And in all honesty, I couldn't think of a good reason to explain why.

Monday arrived and I still didn't have a solid plan. I sat down at our table in homeroom, hesitant. "Hi."

Noah looked over at me. "...Hi?"

Unsure what to say and flustered in the moment, I chickened out. Our awkward interaction still forever burned into the back of my head, we didn't speak again until lunch, when I coincidentally saw him in the hallway. We passed each other before I stopped and called his name. "Hey, Noah?"

He turned. "What is it?"

Again, I felt unsure what to say. "I, uh,"

He tilted his head at me, confused.

My cheeks burned red. He must think I'm stupid. Finally, I spat the words out. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"For what?" He spoke with feigned ignorance.

"For everything..." I replied, staring down at my feet, "Sorry for backing out that night. I.., well, I regret it a lot."

"Will, we already talked about that."

"I know but, I don't like how things have been."

"Look," he sighed, "What I said last time, I still mean it. We don't know each other. You haven't even told me why you flaked that night."

"That-," I hesitated.

"You won't tell me right?" Noah cut me off, his voice agitated. "That's exactly what I mean. How can we be friends if you don't tell me anything about yourself? I mean, we barely know each other Will."

I didn't know how to reply. I could feel shame creep into my cheeks because everything he said was true.

Noah looked at me sadly and shrugged. "That's all I have to say. Bye."

As he began to walk away, desperation took over. I heard my voice before I even knew what I planned to say. "Therapy."

Noah turned immediately around. "What?"

I knew I had no choice but to explain. "It was therapy. The reason I couldn't go that night was because I had to go to therapy."

The hardened expression on his face changed completely, replaced with one of concern. "Therapy? Why? Are you ok?"

I stumbled to find words. "I mean sure, but I still have to go. It's, well, I don't have a choice."

"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was worried, and when he continued, it was quiet. "I feel like such a jerk."

"No! No, it's my fault," I said quickly. "I was just embarrassed. They only told me about it after we made our plans and I just didn't know what to say."

"I'm still sorry though," He said, his gaze on me so steady it made me uncomfortable. "Do you wanna make it up?"

I nodded.

A smile spread across his face. "When are you free?"

"Anytime except Tuesdays at 6," I replied, unable to avoid a smile of my own.

•••

We met up after school. Noah had a car of his own, an old but cool-looking BMW straight from the 90s. We cruised through town, and despite the sweet ride and leather seats, I felt uncomfortable. I would be lying if I said there wasn't a pit forming in my stomach.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked me, breaking the silence.

I shrugged nervously. "Anywhere is fine."

In the end, we ended up going to a local coffee shop. Inside, it was crowded and noisy, and pretty filled with other students. I clutched my drink and tried to remind myself why I wanted to do this. Everything felt so weird after the weeks of tension. I glanced around the cafe, mostly at the artwork and photos that cover the walls, subconsciously searching for a distraction.

Noah saw me looking around. "Have you been here before?"

I shook my head. I'd only walked past it a few times.

"Their drinks are great. I forgot it would be so noisy though." He looked at me. "Are you ok? We can leave if it's loud."

"I'm fine," I said quickly, instantly regretting how harsh it sounded.

"Alright."

He sipped his drink, reminding me I had one of my own too. It was sweet. I guess I should have told him I don't like sweet drinks instead of saying "anything is fine" when he asked me what I wanted.

After a silence so long I almost forgot I was with someone else, Noah spoke again. "What do you think of it here?"

"The coffee place?" I thought he'd already asked me about that.

"No, just here. The town."

"Oh," I paused to think. "It's alright I guess. I'm used to more of a city but it's not so bad here."

"The city is cool," He replied, followed by another long sip of his drink.

I nodded. The city is definitely cool- well, some parts at least. Out loud, "What about you?"

"Me? Well, it's nothing special. I've lived here my entire life. Same people, same streets. Gets old but it's home."

"That's nice though." Home. I wish I had that.

"Maybe," he said contemplatively.

We returned to the awkward silence that seemed to plague us since the beginning for a moment before I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Carol. My stomach sank as I realized I forgot to tell her she didn't need to take me home today. I made eye contact with Noah before picking up the call.

"Will, where are you? Do you have a rehearsal today? I thought those stopped since the show is here." Her questions came out like bullets.

"Sorry," I replied. "I left with a friend. I meant to tell you but I forgot."

I heard her sigh through the receiver. "I've been waiting here for half an hour, Will. Eliot is losing his patience too."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"When can I expect you home? Dinner is at six." She changed the subject but her voice still held disdain.

"Uh, I'm not sure yet. But I'll be back."

"Try not to be late."

"I won't, don't worry."

I sighed and hung up the phone before turning to Noah, who was, unsurprisingly, looking at me.

"Ms. O'Neil," I explained before he manages to ask.

"Oh," he said slowly. I could see it on his face that he was thinking about it- foster homes, orphans, my life. My first instinct was to shut him down, to avoid any and all discussion, like I always had. But then I heard his words from earlier replay in my mind:

How can we be friends if you don't tell me about yourself? I mean, we barely know each other, Will.

I took a deep breath and spoke slowly. "If you have questions, just ask me. I'm not the best at talking on my own..." I trailed off.

"Ok," Noah replied with a smile. "I will."

A/N I wrote half this chapter in present tense without realizing, and even though I changed everything to past tense, I know the flow might still be off- I'm so sorry if the pacing feels weird.

Ive started university for this year but I'll try my best to continue updating semi-regularly. I'm so sorry for always the long waits between chapters :( will try to publish chapter 15 as soon as I can. Thank you to everyone who is still reading and enjoying this story <3 it means so much to me