Drown in You

24. The first snow

Friday was really hard. I couldn't focus at all during my finals. I was pretty sure I failed them but I didn't even care. I felt weighed down and weary. There was a sense of exhaustion and blurriness that just followed me and I couldn't shake it off. I still felt on edge about the nightmare- it had been the most realistic and terrifying one in a long time. I just kept reassuring myself that he was in the past, gone. He couldn't get to me.

On Saturday, I woke up to a surprise: white snow rained down heavily, coating the ground and everything else outside. I watched it fall, a smile growing on my face. The first snow of the year was always exciting. After several minutes of mesmerized staring, I tore myself away from the window and reached for my phone to text Noah.

I snapped a photo and added a few exclamation marks, but my finger hesitated before pressing send. Would he still be busy?

In my moment of hesitation, a text from Noah came in.

Meet me in the park?

Heart fluttering, I instantly grabbed my coat and headed downstairs and out the door.

Normally, walking in the snow was unenjoyable to me; the way it falls in your face and makes it difficult to see, and the way it manages to cover your clothes completely. But today I didn't mind one bit. On the streets, many other people were enjoying the snow- little kids were already trying to build snowmen even though there were just a few inches on the ground. Other kids were already being made to shovel the sidewalks and driveways.

By the time I made it to the park, the snow on the ground had grown thicker. It was a bit difficult to walk through the sidewalks that hadn't been shoveled. But soon, Noah's figure came into view. He was standing in the middle of the park, hands in his pockets and feet shuffling awkwardly, pushing the snow back and forth. He looked cold- he must have been waiting a while.

"Noah!" I called, running towards him.

He looked my way and a smile instantly spread across his face. "You're here."

I nodded. "Did you wait a long time? What's with the meeting out in the snow?"

He shrugged. "I love the snow. And It's the first snow so... it feels like a nice time to meet."

I made a face. "Liar, I can tell you're freezing."

"What? I'm totally fine," He said brazenly. "What about you? You're only wearing a sweatshirt..."

"Pshh, this kind of weather isn't even that cold. You're just a baby." I didn't have a winter coat to wear even if I wanted one.

"I am not, I said I was fine!" He insisted, shoving his hands even further into his pockets as we began to walk.

I reached out and grabbed his arm, slipping my hand into his. "I missed you this week."

He squeezed my hand back. "I missed you too, I'm sorry."

I huffed. "Don't be sorry, it's your parents' fault, not you."

"Yeah..." He sighed.

I frowned. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah," he said. "It's just hard having them home. It felt like every day one of them would just point out some way how I'm not good enough or lacking."

"How can they even say that?" I was mind blown at the idea that someone could see Noah as anything less than perfect. But hearing him talk about his relationship with his parents made me understand a bit more why he was so serious and critical of himself.

"They're convinced I'm not going to get into any decent universities. And," he paused for a second, "my dad really doesn't want me to pursue acting."

"Screw him. You should do what you want," I said firmly. I had never really thought about the flip side of my own experience- growing up alone and lost, I had always wished there was someone to guide me about the future. But for Noah, he already had his dream, and it was the people who were supposed to be supporting him who were tearing him down. I couldn't quite tell what was worse.

"Sorry," he said. "I feel bad complaining. I mean my situation is nothing compared to..."

"Don't say that," I cut him off. "What even is my situation? Your problems matter too and I feel useless if I can't even help you a little bit when you're stressed. So you can talk about whatever you want."

"Thanks Will, I really appreciate that."

I smiled. "Of course."

We walked a bit more in silence before I spoke again. "Do you think your parents will let you hang out much over break?"

"Yeah, it shouldn't be a big problem. I can tell them I'm spending time with friends."

I was happy at the first part of his sentence, but what he said in the second half had me slightly taken aback. "Do your parents not know about us? Or you?"

He shook his head. "I don't think they would like me dating anyone at all. And, I don't know how they'd react to it being a guy."

"Really?"

"Yeah..." he said. "Why? Are you upset that I haven't told them?"

"I don't know," I said, staring down at my feet as they sank into the snow with each step. "It just kind of feels like you're embarrassed of me or something."

"You know that's not it, Will. It's not like you've told the o'Neils, have you?"

"That's different," I insisted. "Why would I tell them?"

"You're living with them, how different could it be?"

"They're strangers! I've known them for two months." I could feel a lump growing in my throat as I got more emotional.

"I might have known my parents for longer than that, but we aren't close either. I mean, I just told you how much pressure they're putting on me. I promise it's not because of you." He sounded angry.

I flinched at the tone of his voice and bit the inside of my lip. He was right. I scolded myself for being so selfish and quick to get mad.

"There's no way I could be embarrassed of you," he continued in a quieter voice. "I promise, ok?"

I nodded, guilt crawling over me. "Sorry. I got too upset."

"It's ok. I'm sorry too, for raising my voice."

"You don't have to be sorry. I think I just missed you this week." My thoughts drifted again to the nightmare and I shuddered, squeezing my eyes shut. I shook my head to try and shake off the feeling.

When I opened my eyes Noah was looking at me concerned. "What's wrong—,"

"Can you give me a hug or something?" I cut him off.

A tiny smile appeared on his face. "Of course."

Without a moment's hesitation, I leaned in and wrapped my arms tightly around him. This is Noah. He's a good person. He's here for me, I told myself.

"Are you ok?" Noah asked me after a while.

"Yeah," I said, my voice muffled by my face in his jacket. "It's just cold as fuck."

Noah laughed. Yeah, I'm cold too."

"Why are you cold with this giant coat?" I said, pulling away slightly to look up at his face to see his reaction. "Must be overpriced."

In our moment of close proximity, Noah used the opportunity to lean in and kiss me lightly on the lips.

For once, I felt completely in the moment. When he pulled away, I asked "Why'd you stop?"

A/N
Sorry for the big wait between last chapter and this chapter. I'm really horrible at being productive and I am really doubting my writing abilities lately. But regardless thank you for waiting and I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

To be honest I kind of hate the snow so it was hard for me to write the snow in a happy way but for some reason I thought this sort of scene might be romantic.

Please comment your thoughts and vote if you enjoyed, I always appreciate it ~