Drown in You

21. I'm really happy too

Noah drove me home that night. We were mostly silent in the car, just staring out the window and listening to the sounds of the car on the road. My mind was still racing from telling him the truth. As we neared the o'Neils' house, Noah spoke.

"You know you never have to feel pressure to do anything you don't want to do, ok?" He said. "You and me, this only has to go where you are comfortable."

I nodded. The level of kindness Noah gave me still felt wrong- I didn't deserve it- but I was also so grateful. I was beginning to think there would be no way for me to get by without him. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"For sure," he smiled, waving to me as I got out of the car.

Inside, I wasn't met with Carol's usual greeting. I stopped in the hall to listen momentarily- she was on the phone, upset.

"What do you mean he didn't attend his afternoon classes?"

There was no way she was talking about me. I didn't skip any classes today. Plus, even if I did, it wouldn't be such a surprise. She must be talking about Eliot.

"I understand," She sighed. "I'll talk to him. For the time being, can you mark it like he had a doctor's appointment? Just put the blame on me and say I forgot to call him out."

After Carol hung up the phone, I debated going straight to my room without dinner to avoid the awkwardness. But my stomach told me that wasn't the right choice.

As I stepped into the kitchen, I cleared my throat awkwardly to let her know I was there. She lifted her head from her hands. "Oh, Will. I didn't make anything for dinner, how about we just fix some leftovers?"

"Ok," I agreed

The air was more tense than usual, Carol's dark mood extremely evident beneath her smiley exterior. Eliot was nowhere to be seen. I tried to recall his schedule but I wasn't sure. Maybe basketball practice?

Carol and I ate in silence. My thoughts turned once again to Noah. We'd been through so much together over the last few days, and now that my biggest secret was out in the open, my instincts screamed at me to avoid him. I didn't know if I could face him again after everything. Just thinking about it made my stomach churn and I began to lose my appetite. But I knew I shouldn't- couldn't- do that. If I ruined things with him, it would really be the end for me. So I tried to convince myself that telling him was the right thing. Easier said than done.

Appetite officially destroyed, I stood up to put my plate in the sink.

"Are you going upstairs?" Carol asked.

I nodded, worried she would try to stop me.

But surprisingly, she didn't. "That's a good idea. When Eliot and Bill get home, the three of us need to have a big talk. You probably don't want to be there."

"Ok," I said, trying to figure out if this was out of some weird consideration for my feelings or if they just didn't want me around. It was probably the second one.

•••

The big talk was more than just a talk.

My room had basically no soundproofing ever since the door got removed, and I could hear everything that went down after Eliot came home with Bill. It started with a simple discussion, Bill and Carol trying to lecture him on the importance of education and the other usual talking points. But soon, it escalated into a full on screaming match.

"Will ditches all the time and you guys don't even care!" Eliot yelled. "Why does it matter if I do it once?"

Holy Shit. I wanted to strangle him for bringing me into this.

"Is Will your role model now? Do you want to become like him?" Bill countered.

I was really not a fan of the direction of this conversation. I looked around my room, trying to find something to do to distract myself. But it was impossible not to hear.

The argument continued, and even as my name left the conversation, I still worried that I would be the blame for Eliot's misbehavior. I was already on such thin ice in this house. Images of Bill yelling at me after my fight with Jake came pouring into my mind and I shuddered, remembering the way he warned me not to be a bad influence for Eliot.

Looks like I failed.

•••

The next day at school, it felt like my brain was having a battle over what I should worry about. Noah and I were on our way to lunch. We'd be eating with our usual group, a sort of blend of each of our acquaintances (mostly Noah's). Noah and I had decided that we were going to be a "thing." Or something. But we thought the first step to that would be to tell our friends about it, so that's what we were going to do.

"You sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure," I said. Surprisingly, I don't think I was lying. A small part of me was still worried Noah would leave me. It was just so hard to believe that someone was willing to go as far for me as he was. Nobody had ever done as much for me as he did. So I thought, maybe, making a guideline to our relationship- a commitment- might make him less likely to abandon me.

Commitment was scary. I'd sworn years ago to keep myself out of close relationships, preventing myself from getting attached so I wouldn't be hurt later. But, I'd already passed that point with Noah. I knew I would be devastated if something came between us, so my focus turned to making our bond as strong as possible to try and prevent that.

Lost in thought, I almost didn't realize when we arrived at the cafeteria.

"Hey guys!" Noah beamed, cheery as usual. I suspected he was nervous on the inside, but he sure was good at hiding it.

The group waved back. Suddenly, I felt like I didn't know most of these people well enough to admit I was gay. I bit the inside of my lip nervously.

Lunch happened as usual for a while, everyone talking about random events from the day and complaining about classwork. Noah seemed to notice I was even quieter than usual. He looked me in the eyes- his eyes were so beautiful and brown- and gave me a reassuring smile. I tried my best to return it convincingly.

"So guys," Noah said.

Oh god, here we go...

"Will and I decided we wanted to tell you something."

Everyone stopped talking.

"What's up?" Jessica said.

Noah looked at me one more time and put his hand on my leg. "Will and I are dating."

I stared at my lap, jaw clenched shut. My heart was fluttering.

"That's it?" A guy named Vic said.

Noah burst into laughter.

"We could kinda tell."

"No surprises there," someone else chimed in.

I found myself grinning too. It was such a relief that they didn't care. Sure, it was slightly embarrassing to know they'd all been onto us for longer than we'd even been onto ourselves, but it was much better than getting called a slur.

"You guys have only had eyes for each other for a while now," Jessica said. "I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks," I spoke for the first time that day. "I'm really happy too."

A/N
I hope you enjoyed! I wanted to get this chapter out about a week sooner, but I ran into some writer's block.

I can't believe there's 4k reads. Thanks to everyone who likes this story- please let me hear from you by commenting and voting, it means so much to me!