Drown in You

7. For your own good

"Why can't you just cooperate?" Jan was pissed.

I looked down at my hands, scrunched up in my lap.

"I mean seriously Will," she sighed, "How are we supposed to help you if you won't even tell us what happened?"

"I'm trying," I mumbled. I didn't know how to explain it without including the kiss.

"What do you want me to do? Do you need me to place you somewhere else? Is this neighborhood just a trigger for you?"

"No..."

"Then what is it, Will?"

Jan stood up and grabbed her purse. "If you won't talk to me, then maybe you'll talk to a counselor. I'll speak with Ms. o'Neil about scheduling." She paused and looked down at me, and her eyes softened just a little. "Get some rest. You look tired."

I watched her go, wishing I'd just had the guts to tell her. And now because of it I'd have to go to therapy again. I'd have to think about everything I hated thinking about, again. I knew it was wrong, but I felt myself regretting the call I'd made that night. If this is what came of taking the chance to talk, I couldn't let it happen again.

•••

By the time Monday came around, Friday night was a distant, numb memory. But as school came closer and closer, I felt that familiar dread coming back. When we finally pulled up to the front of the campus, I almost asked Carol if I could stay. Almost. Instead, I ended up pushing my way through the energetic crowds of the hallway in a jaded daze. I felt like everyone was looking at me --thinking about what Jake had said-- even though I knew they weren't. I wanted to sink into the floor.

In homeroom, Ms Profit had a lot of announcement making to do: stress levels, midterm exams, the works. Normally I wouldn't like her droning on, but today I was thankful for it keeping me from having to deal with Noah. It was obvious he wanted to talk. I tried not to notice his glances my way, but it was next to impossible.

When the bell rang, I got up to leave, but Ms. Profit stopped me. "Will, can I talk to you for a minute please?"

I sighed and turned around. This should be no surprise. When I got to her desk, she beckoned me over to the computer, where she had the gradebook pulled up. "How are you today, Will?"

I shrugged. "I'm alright. You?"

"Fine, thank you," she said, pointing to the computer screen. "Let's talk about this."

"Ok," I said, even though it was already obvious what exactly we would be discussing.

"How have things been at home?"

"...Fine."

"You're not having any trouble settling in?"

I clenched my teeth. "Aren't we here to talk about grades, ma'am?"

"Home life is part of academic performance, Will." She said.

I sighed. "And my performance isn't good?"

"You tell me," she said, gesturing again to the screen which now had my grades pulled up. They definitely weren't pretty, but I didn't know it was this bad. I had no way of knowing- my phone didn't have internet. "Care to explain?"

"I don't really have an excuse," I said, not really up for defending myself.

"Well, it's my job as homeroom teacher to make sure you're doing your best. And this," she paused, "Is not your best. So how can I help?"

"I don't need help," I insisted. "It's like you said. I'm still settling in. I just need a bit of time to catch up, that's all."

"Right," she said, swiveling her chair a bit as she spoke, "Which is why I think you could use a tutor to help you out. We have a great peer tutor program. I'll sign you up."

"You don't need to do that."

She looked up at me, full-on teacher mode. "D students don't get to decide what they need. This is for your own good."

Again with that. Everyone seemed to think that they knew what was best for me, that they could decide what was for my own good or not.

"And who decided you could decide what I need?" I said, well aware I was pushing it.

"The principal," she said daringly, raising a brow, "If you have a problem, I can send you to talk to him."

I didn't respond. The second bell rang.

"I'll write you a late pass," she said, reaching into her desk, taking out a small notepad, and scribbling a note on it before handing it over to me. "Have a nice day, Will."

"Bye."

When I got to chem, Mr. Anderson was already lecturing. I handed him the pass, and he narrowed his eyes at me before scrunching it up without looking and sending me to my table. I sat down unceremoniously and slouched forward, resting my head on the desk. The girl next to me, Rose, tilted her head. "What's up?"

"Homeroom teacher wanted to talk grades," I said, "I'm not exactly a straight-A student, you know."

She giggled. "You should try paying attention. It helps."

I waved a hand. "Sleep is better."

"Suit yourself," she said, turning back to her notes.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. More messages from Noah. He'd been texting me all morning. I whipped my head around to where he was with a glare. When he saw me, he grinned and mouthed "open it."

I rolled my eyes, but pulled my phone out anyway and skimmed the message.

Meet me at lunch today out front.
I just wanna talk.

Not a chance. I turned to my neighbor. "Hey Rose?"

"Yeah?" She said, still half focused on her notes.

"Mind if I join you for lunch?"

Rose told me to meet her in her history class, D104. I spent the next 2 hours thinking about how I'd slip away from Noah, and finally decided that if he asked me where I was going or tried to follow me, I'd tell him I was headed to the bathroom. Not the most solid plan, but when the lunch bell rang, I still didn't have anything better. Luckily, Noah seemed preoccupied with packing his bag and didn't notice me slip out of the classroom.

When I got to D104, it was surprisingly full inside. I guess a lot of people like to eat here. I saw Rose with her friends near the back of the class and headed over.

"Guys, this is Will!" she introduced me, "We're lab partners in chem."

"Hey," I said. "Thanks for letting me hang out."

"It's no problem," the girl to the right of Rose said. "I'm Alison, by the way."

"And I'm Joe," the other added.

I smiled. "Nice to meet you."

A/N
I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update. I will be trying to be more consistent in the coming months as quarantine has provided me more time!