Drown in You

12. Just laying low

The next few days were rough. At school, Noah stayed true to his word and avoided me like I was the plague. I kept my distance from him and from most other people too outside of some casual conversation; it was just easier that way. I would be lying if I said going without cigarettes didn't take a toll on me. I had a nonstop headache, and the cravings were becoming unbearable. I could feel my irritability creeping higher. It was really hard not to snap at Carol and Eliot, so I tried to keep to myself, which wasn't too difficult— rehearsals for the play were going until early evening, and Carol and Bill spent the weekend mostly doing things with Eliot and ignoring me. Especially Bill. I think he felt awkward about yelling at me, which was just fine with me. By the time I arrived at the therapist's office the next Tuesday, I was nearing my limit. I threw myself into the chair and slouched down into it.

Dr. Allen looked me over and said, "Rough day, Will?"

I snorted. "How'd you know?"

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Not really."

"Figured," she said with a smile. I rolled my eyes. "Luckily, your social worker filled me in on a few things already, so I think we have plenty to talk about."

"Oh, right, that," I said, acting as if my series of fuck ups last week hadn't been constantly weighing on my mind.

"Yep, that. How have things been since the fight? It's been almost a week after all."

I shrugged. "Got grounded. Just laying low."

"Was your foster family angry with you?"

"Well, duh," I sighed, still not in the mood.

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened, he just yelled like crazy."

"He? Your faster father?"

"Yeah. Bill."

"And what was that like?"

I rolled my eyes. "It sucked, of course."

"I'm sure," she said, eyeing me closely, "but what was it like?"

I grew more uncomfortable, well aware of what she was trying to get at. I looked down at my lap and picked at the hem of my sweatshirt.

"Will?" She prompted.

"I was scared, ok?" I said finally. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"What made you scared?"

"Being yelled at."

Now it was her turn to sigh. "Will, I know this is uncomfortable for you, but it's hard for me to help you if you won't talk to me."

"I didn't ask for your help. I'm doing just fine."

"Then why did you have a dissociative flashback at that party?"

"The same reason why anyone has a flashback ever."

"And why is that Will?"

"You're the shrink, you tell me!" I said with a smile.

Dr. Allen didn't think it was funny. "Only you know your brain, Will."

I snorted. "Then this whole thing seems pretty pointless"

"Do you feel a lot of things are pointless, Will?"

"Nope, just this."

Dr. Allen sighed deeply and put her clipboard down. "You know what? Let's call it a day. I can tell you're not feeling well."

"Glad you noticed."

•••

Carol was surprised that the session finished quickly, but luckily she didn't pry. The drive home was quiet. My mind swam with thoughts of the therapist's words and the memories they threatened to reveal. I went straight to my room after getting back and threw myself onto the bed. The reason I had a flashback at the party, and the reason I pushed Noah away. I knew the answer already, but I didn't feel ready to face it. I'd spent too much time moving past all of it for it to blow up in my face like this.

Before I knew it, my mind had drifted back to Noah. All this time, I had wanted him to leave me alone. I'd pushed him away every chance I got. Of course he got tired of it. But now that I finally got what I'd wanted all this time, why did it feel so wrong? I sighed in frustration and rubbed at my temples, trying and failing to force away the pounding headache.

"Fuck this," I muttered finally. I hauled myself out of bed and down the stairs to get some pain killers from the kitchen. I stopped short in the hall when I heard Carol and Bill's voices.

"Do you really think he'd do that?" Carol spoke first.

"Why wouldn't he?" Bill replied. "He's already snuck out and got into trouble. It wouldn't be that far fetched for him to steal some earrings for extra cash! Besides, he was home alone this weekend when we took Eliot to his game."

"I guess that makes sense..."

I was shocked. Did they really think that lowly of me? I knew I hadn't been the best kid thus far, and I'd gotten into my fair share of trouble before coming here, but there was absolutely zero reason for me to take any of Carol's jewelry. Even though it wasn't the first time in my life I'd been accused of taking some missing household item, this particular accusation stung. I swallowed my fears and stepped into the room.

Carol's expression flipped like a light switch when she saw me. Bill's face remained stern.

"Just getting some medicine for my headache," I said quickly.

"Sure honey," Carol replied, her voice strained.

"I didn't take your earrings, by the way." I said as I took two pills from the bottle. "In case you were wondering."

"How else would you know her earrings are missing if you didn't take them?" Bill said.

"I heard you talking from the hall."

"So you were eavesdropping?"

"Bill-" Carol cut in. "Relax."

"I wasn't trying to listen in, I just overheard when I was on my way here," I explained quickly, not about to let myself snap again. "Sorry."

"That's fine," Bill sighed. "But you'd better be ready to pay us back if those earrings don't turn up real soon."

Pay back? I hated that word. So many people in my life had used it as an excuse for what they did. I knew Bill didn't mean it like they did, but hearing the way he spoke put a bad taste in my mouth. I left the room without another word. They didn't try to keep me.

In the hallway, I ran into Eliot. This wasn't the first time I'd caught him listening in nearby. He was almost always just around the corner lately. I fixed him with a glance that read "who's really eavesdropping?" and continued on my way.

A/N
Thanks for reading! Sorry this chapter is a bit on the shorter and uneventful side, but we are heading towards the next big section in the story! Stay tuned for chapter 13 soon :)

If you enjoyed this chapter please vote and/or comment your thoughts! It really helps me out and I truly appreciate it.

-jay