Drown in You

31. Rising star

A shard of glass grazed my face as a mug flew across the room. I sighed. I knew he'd make it a big deal out of this.

"Where the fuck were you?"

"Out." I kept my defiance.

"Who the fuck said you could go out?" He yelled.

"Who the fuck said I needed your permission to go out?" I screamed back.

"You do if you're going to be gone for three. Fucking. Days!" He reached for another mug and I quickly ducked out of the way as it shattered against the wall.

This scene was nothing special. The raging psycho yelling in my face is called Cal, my "boyfriend." If you can even call it that. It's more of a codependent hell cycle that formed when I hit an all time low 4 years ago.

"You were gone for three days." Cal's voice almost broke, but the anger behind the pain didn't waver.

"Yeah and now I'll be gone three more," I said, turning around and opening the door. "Bye, asshole."

I could hear him yelling "Get back here!" but I was already down two flights of stairs and quickly hopping over the railing to pass the third.

•••

I ended up at a bar— shocking I know— trying to drown myself in random drinks as usual in hopes that I could forget about everything for a few hours.

But today wasn't my lucky day, because the TV in the bar was on.

And he was on the screen.

Noah Smith.

It had been five years since we met and fell in love. He was still on my mind every day, as much as I tried to distract myself.

I took another generous sip of my drink. Fucking pathetic, sitting here acting like a lovestruck main character in a romance movie.

Even more pathetic, I thought to myself as I looked up at the screen, was being like this, stuck in the past and miserable while he was doing perfectly fine.

I glared up at the smiling faces and laughter. What right did he have to be so fucking happy?

I felt anger overwhelm me and before I could even stop myself, I stood up, downed the rest of my drink, and hurled the now-empty cup at the TV. The bar got silent for a moment as it shattered against the wall, and then everyone started yelling.

I laughed. I guess they didn't like anybody distracting them from seeing their beloved star collect his fancy award.

"Fuck off!" I yelled back at them before turning to the bartender. "Hey, can you get me another of whatever that was?"

He shook his head. "I don't think so. It's time for you to get out."

I rolled my eyes. "Are you for real?"

"Don't make me get someone to drag you out," he warned.

"Ughhhh, fine," I groaned, stumbling away from the bar. "This place fucking sucks anyway."

Outside, I sobered up just the slightest bit in the cold air. I wandered through the city, trying to figure out where I should go now. Going home wasn't an option because of Cal. Another bar? I didn't feel like drinking anymore.

Eventually, I sat down at the park and pulled out my phone. There were about 300 calls and text messages from Cal. I left them unopened and, giving in, opened the news.

Noah's face was all over the front page.

"Rising star Noah Smith sweeps Golden Globes" I read the headline out to myself and sighed.

Feeling sentimental instead of angry now, I clicked on the video of the speech he'd been giving earlier on TV.

His face was so mature now, his skin smooth and glowing. The slight acne he used to have was completely eradicated, whether by post-puberty magic or some million dollar celebrity lotion. His curly hair that used to exist like its own untameable identity had been styled fashionably. He'd grown taller, more lean. Only his eyes were the same– deep brown and gorgeous. That was the Noah I knew.

I knew I should be happy for him. He'd become an actor, just like he always wanted to. And he was insanely successful at it too. I knew he would be– he was always the best at everything he tried. And yet, in all his success, I couldn't be truly happy for him. Every time I saw his face, I was reminded of so much pain. And the pain I felt at being left out of his happy ending had morphed into this pent up rage that made me blame Noah for what I knew wasn't truly his fault. Sometimes though, every once and a while, I was able to see through my irrational anger and let myself mourn our love.

The truth was, in the three days I'd spent away from Cal's controlling grip, I'd gone back to the town where we met. I didn't know what exactly I was searching for. Maybe a time machine? Some sign that would take me back to only our happiest moments? I wasn't sure. Whatever it was, I couldn't find it.

I was such a mess.

"I knew I'd find you here."

Cal's voice instantly snapped me out of my thoughts. I shut off my phone so he couldn't see what I was looking at.

"You're so predictable," he sighed, walking forward till he was close enough to grab me by the underarm and haul me upright. "Come on, playtime's over."

When I was standing, he slipped his hand into mine and began to lead me out of the park. I didn't bother fighting it. I was tired anyway– better to go home now.

"I'm.. sorry about earlier," Cal said. "I was just hurt. I didn't mean it, you know that right?"

I nodded. That's what he always said.

Cal smiled at my response. "I cooked some soup. You'll want it tomorrow morning."

I would definitely be a bit hungover. "Thanks."

"You know I love you," Cal said. "Just stop being so dramatic and everything can be perfect."

I bit the inside of my lip. He was right. I needed to stop pining away over someone who had forgotten about me a long time ago. I had a lot to be grateful for now. I knew that. But I couldn't escape– Noah Smith was my addiction, and I couldn't get sober.

•••

Cal was right about the soup. I could feel my head pounding when I woke up to him gently shaking me awake. I slapped his hand away (old habits die hard) and rolled over onto my stomach, pressing my face into the pillow to block out the light he'd let into the room by opening the blinds.

"Get up," Cal said. "You're not gonna spend all day in bed."

"Five more minutes..." I really didn't want to move.

"I heated up the soup. I'm not gonna leave till I see you get up and eat some of it."

"...Fine," I grumbled, giving in. I knew he meant it, and I wanted him gone. I got up slowly and sat down at the kitchen table with a yawn, leaning on my elbows to keep my head up.

After about five more minutes, Cal came out from the bathroom freshly shaven and bent down to kiss the top of my head.

"Eat," he said. "I'm leaving now."

I nodded "Bye."

I could hear him complaining under his breath as he left. When he was finally gone, I spaced out at the table for a few minutes before pulling out my phone and scrolling mindlessly through social media.

And then, I saw it. The headline that changed everything:

Noah Smith to shoot new movie in NYC

A/N
What do you guys think?
Personally I am SO excited to share this part of Will and Noah's story <33

If you enjoyed this chapter, please don't forget to vote or leave a comment!