Drown in You

6. Please come back

My eyes widened and panic set in. Suddenly the soft touch of Noah's lips was replaced with memories of much more aggressive ones, the feeling just as vivid as it had been years ago. I pulled away, frantic. There was no time. I had to get out of here. I had to run away before..

"I gotta go," I said quickly, standing up.

Noah looked confused. "Wait, was that... was that your first kiss?"

I heard him call out to me, but his voice sounded like it was a million miles away. In a blur, I fought back tears, my mind focused so solely on escape that before I knew it, I was running. Running down a street I didn't recognize. I slowed to a walk and panted heavily.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

My eyes darted for somewhere to hide and recompose. Somewhere safe. I settled without much debate on the park nearby, and climbed up into the play structure. It was way too small inside the little tower, but at least I was alone. That was all I needed. I blinked back tears, unwilling to let their salty taste bring me further back in time. Shaking, I pulled my phone out and saw a whole stack of text messages from Noah.

I'm sorry
I didn't mean to do that
Please come back
I'm sorry
Will??

I leaned my head back against the wall and shut my eyes before letting out a long, shaky sigh. I hadn't had a flashback like that in years. I'd nearly been free of that terror. I'd forgotten what exactly it was that made me flinch when people touched me. I reached up and rubbed at my lips with my sleeve. Rubbing away the feeling of that kiss. This is why I stayed out of serious relationships. This is why I swore when I turned 10 that I'd never get close enough to anyone to let them hurt me ever again.

I opened my phone a second time, my fingers hovering over the only 5 contacts I had. She'd be pissed. I knew she would. But I didn't have another option. There was no one else.

Jan picked up after 4 rings. Her voice sounded groggy, like she'd been deep asleep only moments before. "Will? Is everything ok? It's nearly 1 am. What's wrong?"

I opened my mouth, but no words came out; only a choked sob after eternal seconds of silence.

"Just take a deep breath, Will. And tell me what happened."

"I'm sorry," I practically whispered into the phone, "it's just, I, well I had a flashback." I paused before the last part, the most embarrassing thing to admit. "And I don't know where I am right now."

She sighed deeply and I heard the creak of her bed as she sat up, and the click of a lamp. "It's been a while since this happened," she remarked calmly. "Can you tell me what it looks like? Well, I guess it's a bit dark to see clearly. What about a street sign? Do you know what street you're on, Will?"

Jan was really good at talking and calming me down. In times like this, her usual, harsh personality was replaced with an incredible patience. I leaned out of the play structure and craned my neck to see the road.

"It's Oak Street," I said quietly. "At a park."

"Thank you Will. I'm going to call Mrs. o'Neil now, ok? She'll come pick you up."

"Ok."

"I will have to hang up the phone, Will. Is that ok?"

"Ok," I said again.
I didn't feel ok. I didn't want her to hang up. But I said it anyway.

•••

The air in the car was deafeningly silent, and the panic I'd felt earlier had been replaced by a familiar but equally excruciating numbness. I looked over at Carol out of the corner of my eye. She was in her pajamas, curlers in her hair. After I called Jan, it only took about 10 minutes for her to arrive. She'd probably gotten right out of bed. When we finally pulled up to the house, neither of us moved.

She looked over at me and extended an arm to stroke my cheek. "You poor thing."

I shuddered at her cold hand, squeezed my eyes shut and tried as hard as I could to stay calm.
"Please don't touch me," I whispered.

She immediately removed her hand. "I'm so sorry honey."

I turned away and stepped out of the car.

•••

The next morning, I woke up in a haze. I let out a groan and rubbed my tired face. After we got back from the park, I'd taken some pills that knocked me out for the rest of the night. They were great for sleeping, but they made waking up an absolute pain, and I remembered why I hated taking them. But, I knew that if I hadn't, I probably would've woken up screaming instead.

I checked the time. It was nearly 10am. Today was Saturday. No school. Thank god. I sighed in relief and sat up, ruffling my messy hair. I was still dressed in the same clothes as the day before. All I'd done was kick off my shoes before passing out.

Thinking about yesterday made my stomach churn with embarrassment and regret, so I pushed all thoughts out of my mind as best I could, and stood up, determined. Today was gonna be different.

After a shower, I went downstairs and into the kitchen, which was, to my surprise and relief, empty. I poured some cereal and sat down at the table without touching it. The goal was to eat it, but I didn't feel that hungry, and ended up spending more time staring at it than actually putting it in my mouth.

It wasn't that long before Carol came downstairs too. She looked really tired. She made herself some eggs and sat down across from me.

"Jan will be coming by in a little while," she said. I looked up from my cereal. "She wants to check in after... last night."

I should have guessed she'd be coming over. What had happened was pretty serious so there was no way she'd just let it slide.

There was a knock on the door.

Carol looked down the hall to the front door, confused. "It's still a bit early. I didn't think she'd be here till after lunch. You wait here Will," she said, standing up. "I'll let her in."

I watched her go and then took my unfinished cereal to the sink and dumped it out before I heard Carol call me over.

When I got to the front door, the person standing on the other side wasn't Jan. It was Noah.

"Hiya!" He said with that smile of his, as if there was nothing weird about the whole situation. As if nothing had happened last night.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I heard Carol huff in disapproval at my choice of words. I didn't care.

"Can we talk?"

I scowled. "Outside."

We stood out on the porch. I crossed my arms and raised a brow. "Well?"

"I'm sorry about last night. I was out of line. I shouldn't have done that."

"And how do you explain this?" I replied, waving an arm at him standing on my porch.

"Explain what?" He didn't get it.

"How did you find out where I live?" I said slowly, mockingly.

"Ohh." He reached up and scratched the back of his head. "Jake lives down the street. He told me."

I sighed and rubbed at my temples. "You shouldn't be here."

"I'm sorry," he said again, sounding more upset. "I just felt so happy when you said that."

"I was drunk. We were both drunk."

"I meant it!" He replied loudly, and then, softly, "Didn't you?"

"You should go home now," I said. It wasn't a suggestion.

Inside, Carol was really confused. She wanted to know who that was and what he wanted and why I didn't seem happy to see him. I tried my best to be polite when telling her it was none of her business.

When I got up to my room, I pulled back the curtain and looked out the window. Noah was still out front looking up at the house from the sidewalk. He looked sad. I quickly let the curtain fall.

A/N
The aftermath of the kiss.
I hope you enjoyed this episode- it was definitely a serious one! Please don't hesitate to vote, comment your thoughts, and share this story with anyone you think would enjoy it.
Thank you!