Drown in You

4. You again, huh?

"Will, are you awake? I made some breakfast."

I was already wide awake and staring at the ceiling when Carol knocked on my door. It was Saturday. This was the first weekend. I was already somewhat used to the schedule during the week, but today it was all thrown off.

I sat up and replied, "Yeah I'm up. I'll be down in a minute."

"Ok honey," she said.

Carol really liked using words like honey and sweetheart. It bothered me at first but I'd say I'm pretty much used to it now.

Downstairs, Bill and Carol were sitting at the table, eating pancakes. I took a seat and helped myself. I snuck a glance at Bill. We had hardly talked since I moved in. The guy spent a lot of time at work and usually he was the first to leave in the mornings, but today he was relaxing and taking his time, reading a newspaper while eating. He nodded to me with a smile when I came in before going back to the paper.

Not long after I came down, Eliot appeared, looking tired.

"Big game today, son. You pumped?" Bill said, reaching up to ruffle Eliot's hair as he walked past.

"We probably won't win."

"Don't say that! You'll jinx it," Carol said.

So he had a sports game today. I didn't know he played sports. Then again, I didn't know much about Eliot at all. We'd had a few awkward conversations, but he didn't seem too interested in chatting. I didn't push it. After all, he probably didn't ask for a random teenager to move into his house.

"Will, do you want to come watch with us?" Carol turned to me.

"Actually I'm not sure if I should," I said. I didn't really feel like going.

"Aww come on, it'll be a great way to get acquainted with the community..."

Feeling pressured, I gave up and agreed. It wasn't worth it to argue.

"It'll be so much fun," Carol chimed. I forced myself to smile.

Two hours later, I was sitting on the bleachers of the school gym, watching a bunch of middle schoolers play basketball. They weren't very good, and to be honest, I was bored out of my mind. I decided to stretch my legs for a while. I told Bill and Carol I was headed to the bathroom and headed out.

I found a secluded area outside and laid down in the grass. It was surprisingly warm and sunny out, and I figured I probably had time for a quick smoke before going back, so I reached into my pocket and lit one up. I closed my eyes and took a deep drag. This was pretty damn nice. After a few minutes I felt a shadow blocking the sun from my face and I opened my eyes to see Noah Smith standing over me, looking amused.

"You again, huh?" I said, before sticking the cig back in my mouth and exhaling smoke in his face.

"What brings you here?" He replied, waving the smoke away with his hand.

"Can't a guy watch a good ball game on a Saturday?"

He sat down next to me. "The game's inside. Are you here with your family? I didn't see anyone new in the bleachers."

"I'm here alone," I said quickly. I wasn't sure why, but for some reason I didn't feel like telling him about my situation. Normally I couldn't care less, but things felt different this time.

"Oh, huh. So you're a sports fan?"

"Not really."

"Me neither," he said. "I'm just here dropping off some homework for Jake. You know Jake?"

I laughed. "No clue."

"Oh," he said. "Well he's in our English class."

"Oh."

There was an awkward silence. I kept enjoying my cigarette and tried to ignore the feeling of Noah's eyes on me. After a while, I couldn't help it and returned his gaze.

"What?"

"You shouldn't smoke."

I groaned. "Give me a break."

"It's true," he protested. "What would your mom say to you if she found out?"

"She doesn't give a shit. And neither should you." I stood up and began to walk away. I didn't owe it to this guy to let him tell me what to do. And why did everyone care so damn much about smoking? I could be doing a whole lot worse than cigarettes.

"Will!" I heard him shout. "Wait! Don't be mad."

"Too late," I yelled back and kept walking.

I didn't go back to the game. When I got to the house, I made it in through a window and headed up to my room.

Why the fuck did I get so angry? Who gives a damn what that guy thinks.

I felt my phone vibrate and dug it out of my pocket. It was Carol.

"Hello?" I said, more angry than I meant.

"Will, where are you? Is everything ok?"

Dammit. I forgot these people actually cared about where I was.

"Sorry," I said weakly. "I just felt a bit sick so I went back home."

"Oh.." she said, sounding a little concerned. "But you don't have a key. How did you get in?"

"Actually it was open. I guess you forgot to lock it." The lie came out effortlessly.

"I guess so," she said doubtfully. "Next time please let us know before leaving like that."

"Yeah, it's my bad."

"We'll be home in a bit, see you soon."

"Bye."

I closed the phone and layed back on my bed with a long sigh, covering my face with my hands. There's some feelings that you just can't describe. I was feeling a whole mix of them right now. The therapist I used to see said it was "anxiety." I don't really think of it like that. Labeling it didn't make it any less crappy.

When everyone got home, things were quiet. Eliot's team lost the game. Bill took him out for ice cream. Carol came up to my room to check on me but nothing much happened. That night, I had trouble sleeping. It had been a strange day.

Bright and early the next morning, Jan arrived at the house. I saw her car pull into the driveway from my room. She must've driven that same gold sedan for at least 10 years now. I didn't go down to say hi. The first part of this "check-up" was none of my business. She'd talk to me later when she finished the real work.

After a while, I figured she was probably wrapping up, so I decided to head down. But halfway down the stairs, I heard a glimpse of their conversation. I stopped flat where I was, listening. Their voices were muffled, but I could just make it out.

"I just hope we aren't doing anything wrong," I heard Carol say.

"You aren't," Jan replied. "You need to remember his past. Will has seen and been through a lot. He is used to distancing himself just to keep safe. It's a blessing for him to be here. I'm sure he'll open up eventually."

"Nobody should have to deal with that shit," Bill said.

I felt a sharp surge of pain in my stomach. I'd "been through a lot." So what. I never asked them to care. I didn't ask them to think about it. My cheeks got hot and I turned back up the stairs, back in my room before I realized. I grabbed my pillow and threw it on the ground with all my strength before sliding down the wall to the floor. Why does everyone connect everything I do to my past? I thought I did a good job hiding it. I guess not. Maybe I really didn't have anything else going for me. I wasn't a guy like Noah with great grades and a career lined up for me. I didn't get to have a perfect childhood and grow up without worrying.

I heard Jan calling me. I ran my fingers through my hair and stood up. My heart was beating through my chest.

Downstairs, I didn't really say much. I answered all her questions with "fine," or "not really."

It was the truth.

Probably.