Luscious Man Series 1: Zaimon Luther Suarez

KABANATA 39

Pagkatapos kong maligo at magbihis ng pantulog ay lumabas na ako ng kuwarto. Tiningnan ko kung nasa guestroom pa si Vea pero wala na siya doon. Nagpasya na lang akong bumaba dahil paniguradong nasa baba.

Hindi nga ako nagkamali dahil nabungadan ko siyang nasa counter top at nagsasalin ng Jennessee sa wineglass na nass harap niya. Napataas ang kilay ko sa kaniya.

She really wants to get wasted, huh.

"Hey," lumingon siya sa gawi ko at ngumiti nang malungkot sa akin.

"Hi," she tap the highchair beside her.

I walk towards her and sit beside her. I look at her while she's pouring some whiskey in my wineglass. I look deep in her eyes but she's good in hiding her emotions. Like what she's doing during her photoshoots.

"What's with the liquor intake now? You want to get wasted tonight?" I asked nonchalantly while taking my wineglass in front of her and sipped through it.

"Kinda," she said in a bored voice.

"What's the matter?" Ibinaba ko ang wineglass ko para ituon sa kaniya ang atensyon ko nang buo.

"They're pushing it again." She smiled vaguely at nowhere while looking at her glass.

"Why can't your father quit being a Governor, by the way? Tapos ikaw 'yung naiipit sa sitwasyong ayaw mo naman." Napailing ako nang mapakla bago sumimsim muli sa aking inumin.

"I don't know? They're filthy rich, so I don't know either why they're still pursuing to be in politics. It sucks. My brother slipped away because of what they also want him to do. I'm slipping away because of that, too. They're just too hardheaded and closed minded not to know the main reason why we don't want to do it. Because... granting their wish is like suiciding... risking our lives for what? For money? For name? For title? No thanks. I'm already known almost in the whole wide world so I don't need that goddamn way to be on top." Huminga siya nang malalim matapos sabihin 'yon.

Hindi man kami pareho ng pinagdaanan at pinagdadaanan ng kaibigan ko, alam ko ang hirap at sakit na may nagdidikta sa kung ano ang gagawin mo. Ang hirap na ang mismong mga magulang mo ang gustong gustong lumiko ka sa kung ano ang pangarap mo. Na mas gusto nilang sundin mo sila dahil alam nilang hindi mo sila bibiguin. Pero... paano naman 'yung kagustuhan mo? Paano naman 'yung pangarap mo?

Leaving in that kind of household sucks. Big time. Kahit hindi madalas magsabi sa akin si Vea, I know her pain. I can see her pain. Those pain she's hiding by smiling to everyone she's facing. Those pain she's hiding by laughing and making jokes ad she always do in the very beginning. I was the first who saw that. I was the first who confronted her not to fake herself in front of me. I was the one who were always there when she can't manage it anymore.

When the pain is excruciating, she would gladly give up. She would gladly burry herself into darkness. But I can't let her. I just can't.

Dahil... paano na ako kapag sumuko siya? Paano na ako kapag... iniwan niya ako? Noong mga panahon pa nga lang na nasa ibang bansa ako ay halos mabaliw na sko dahil wala siya. Wala siya na palagi kong kasangga sa anumang problema. Wala siya na magpapatawa sa akin kapag umiiyak ako. Wala siya na handang gawin ang lahat just to cheer me up.

She's everything to me. My best friend. My enemy. My sister. My everything. She's like my ate Kate. They're too precious to lose. I can't afford to lose them anytime.

"Pagod na ako sa kakapakinig sa mga sinasabi nila," pagpapatuloy niya bago nilagok ang whiskey sa wineglass nang isang lagukan. "I was disrespectful to my father before I went to cemetery earlier." She smiled smugly. "But... the satisfaction is still here." She poke her chest. "Ang sarap sa pakiramdam na... mailabas mo 'yung totoo mong saloobin. Ang sarap sa pakiradam na nasabi mo sa kanila ang mga gusto mong gawin sa buhay. At hindi kasama roon ang maging sunud-sunuran sa kung ano man ang gusto nila sa buhay mo. Be it good or bad. I want to choose my own path. I don't want them to decide for me."