An Inconvenient Flame [Sandor Clegane]

Chapter 37 - The loss

"Clegane! I have a job for you!" Brother Ray's voice woke me up as well. "What?" Sandor groaned behind me. I stirred as well but remained where I was. The sleepiness had a hard time leaving me completely. "Get up." Brother Ray urged again when Sandor didn't react the first time.

Despite everything that had happened yesterday, Sandor had still found his way back to me during the night. It was almost as if it hadn't happened between us. I was glad that we could go back to the way we had been, despite the feeling of disappointment that had begun to flood me. I was glad that we could continue the same way but deep down I had really wanted it. I had wanted him to touch me, continue what I had started.

"What is it?" Sandor sounded groggy but still angry at Brother Ray when he sat up. Brother Ray chuckled. It was always the same, and you weren't in doubt that it was him. "You sure, the two of you aren't married." Brother Ray continued once Sandor had gotten up. "I can definitely arrange it, should you want to make it official."

"Shut your hole." Sandor growled at him while getting his boots on again. I could feel him move around beside me while getting the remainder of his clothes on. "I can never give her that stability, I'm not a good match for her. I can't give her what she needs." Sandor sighed. He had stopped moving as if he was looking at me.

"You sure that matters here?" Brother Ray asked making Sandor freeze awkwardly. "You don't understand. You don't know what I've done. I'm bad for her." Sandor tried dismissing Brother Ray. "She's heir to Winterfell- She's a goddamn Stark." Sandor snapped but Brother Ray only chuckled. "It surprises me how blind you are, Clegane." Brother Ray stood up and I heard him move away.

"No one is forcing her to stay. She is here with you because she chooses to be. Not because she doesn't have anywhere else to go." Brother Ray's voice was more distant this time. They had moved away from me.

Sandor scoffed loudly. "Her family's dead."

His words made my chest tighten. He was right, but it still hurt. "She doesn't have anywhere else to go you damn fool!" Sandor spat back at Brother Ray. Sometimes it surprised me how much Brother Ray allowed Sandor to growl at him. The priest seemed unbothered by it as he always did whenever Sandor decided to take his anger out on him.

With an angry movement of my hand, I dried the escaping tears away. Their conversation had continued but I couldn't distinguish the words any longer when they moved further away from me. Once they were far enough away, I pushed myself up into a sitting position.

It was barely dawn when Brother Ray guided Sandor with him. I watched them vanish in the distance before getting dressed as well. I packed our stuff together as some of the others began waking up as well. It was a quiet morning, but also one of those I loved the most.

Sandor stayed away from the village for most of the day again and wouldn't speak to me during supper again. I had been seated amid May's family when he returned to get something to eat. I had been a little scared that he hated me for what had happened between us. But I tried telling myself that it was normal to be curious about someone else.