An Inconvenient Flame [Sandor Clegane]

Chapter 33 - Emotions

It soon became a nightly thing of ours, Sandor would continue to lie down beside me and keep me warm. It didn't matter if we'd had an argument during the day, he would still find me no matter how angry he had been.

I had apologized a few times, or tried to but he would never take it, nor give me an apology but honestly, I didn't care. I liked this side of him, and he showed me countless of times that he was sorry in other ways.

Sandor had also grown comfortable around me and more than once had I woken up to him holding me in a light embrace. The feeling wasn't unpleasant, but he would always leave right before dawn. Not once had either of us addressed it and we both acted like nothing happened, but I had a feeling he enjoyed it just as much as I did.

When Sandor had left me just before dawn, I had been unable to fall sleep again. I rolled around to my back and stretched my arms over my head, arching my back before sitting up. The fire to my right was all but a few glows. I stared into it while the others slowly began waking up. It was one of the slower mornings, but it was these kinds I loved the most.

I covered an escaping yawn with the back of my hand when throwing some hair away from my face before even considering getting ready for the day. When I had finished getting dressed, I saw that Sandor came back towards the fire. He carried a handful of wood which he threw on the ground next to the fire and took a knee before he began working on it. We needed it for cooking later.

I decided to go help him before I was to help get supper ready. Sandor barely acknowledged my presence as I followed him back to the outskirts of the forest. I grabbed a handful of the wood he had prepared and began carrying it back to the camp. It wasn't the most enjoyable job, but it needed to be done.

When I returned the fourth time, there were no more wood to be carried to the village and I decided to go back empty handed instead of waiting for Sandor, and then annoy him in some way. He had continued to ignore my presence except from the few times I had caught him staring at me. Our eyes had met for a second before he looked away again.

I took another road back to the village, a longer one because I wanted time to pass but I regretted instantly when stumbling upon Solara and her lover. They were at it again. I had seen their ferocious love making before. It was hard to count how many times I've accidentally stumbled upon them, the first time I had had hurried away too embarrassed to even look at them.

The second time, I had scurried away behind something and dared watch them. It was the first time I had seen the act being done. The way the other girls in King's landing had described it fell a bit short. It hadn't taken long to understand why May and Solara kept talking about it. Sex wasn't just to produce children as mother had said. It was so much more.

Something in me switched from that moment. I might not know what it was, but my body sure did. I hadn't hesitated to explore it more, it felt weird most of the times when I touched myself and I stopped again. But thoughts and fantasies about someone else touching me had begun to nag my mind a little too much. I really wanted to try it. Now more than ever, I realized I was no longer a child.