Brutal (Sour Hour Series #5)

Chapter 29

Chapter 29

I have loved Jainx before, wholeheartedly and passionately. There's no words I could express how much I love him. He has become my home, solace, my safe place.

But it seems like… we only meet each other to become each other's heartbreak, each other's pain, each other's love, each other's downfall…

The destiny was not in favor of us at that time, and I'm still not sure if the destiny was now in favor for the both of us, after all the pain we both suffered. I'm not sure… if I'm ready to love him again.

I'm still scared, I still have a lot of fears in myself. I'm still not sure when I will overcome this, because this was really suffocating.

The hardest part I've ever encountered in my life was to… pretending that I'm okay, showing to all of them that nothing happened.

"Verlyian, okay ka lang ba talaga? Nag aalala na kami sa'yo!" si Calleigh isang taon nang kahihiwalay lang namin ni Jainx.

Masakit para sa'kin ang ginawa ko. I become selfish, and at the same time, selfless.

Selfish because I didn't think what Jainx could feel about it. Selfless, because I don't want them to worry about me. I want them to know that I'm fine, that I'm doing okay.

I don't know if I have already moved on to Jainx, I just know that… I moved forward in my life, I tried new things that I think can suit me— and that was being a model.

But to hear Jainx telling me that he still loves me after all, after he knew that I cheated… he didn't even get mad at me.

Mas'yado siyang mabait sa'kin. Iyon ang napansin ko, kahit noon pa, ganoon na talaga siya sa'kin. Na kahit ang alam niya ay nagloko ako, hindi manlang siya nandiri sa'kin. Instead, he told me that he was very proud and happy for me.

Kanina ko pa pinipigilan ang luha na lumandas sa mga mata ko. Why is he so perfect to me? Do I really deserve a man like him?

"Hindi ka manlang ba galit sa'kin? Hindi ka nandidiri?" mahinang tanong ko.

"Dumating ako sa maraming punto na gusto kang kasuklaman at pandirihan, pero hindi. Hindi ko iyon ginawa. Kasi… naghahanap pa rin ako ng rason kung bakit mo 'yon ginawa."

Napayuko ako sandali. Sa mga sinasabi niya, ramdam ko iyon sa puso niya, ramdam ko ang sinceridad niya roon.

"Na kahit sinabi mo sa aking ginagamit mo lang ako noon, na hindi mo naman talaga ako minahal… hindi ko 'yon pinaniwalaan. Kasi, alam ko sa puso mo na mahal na mahal mo ako." dugsong niya.

I then bit my lower lip. How can I lie with Jainx if he has known me for so many years? That he trusts me so much, he believes that I really loved him truly.

"Even if you really cheated, I don't care. I love you. That's what matters to me the most. That even if we broke up many years ago, you didn't leave my heart. You're still here. I still cared about you, I still admire you from afar."

Bumuntonghininga ako at hindi nakasagot sa kanya. I let him let his feelings out. But to hear his suffering before… It totally breaks my heart.

"When I see you for the first time, holding your daughter… I smiled. Yes, I felt pain… but to see you smile and happy, I'm relieved with it."

My vision became blurred as my tears began to flow from my eyes. Mabilis ko iyong pinunasan at pagkatapos ay nag angat agad ng tingin sa kanya.

"I'm so sorry that you've suffered a lot because of me,"

"I just want you to know that I didn't believe you when you said that you cheated and that you didn't love me at all." he said.

I sighed heavily. "Why can't you believe me?"