The Reign of Darkness (Kylo Ren x Reader)

what have I become

I stood still, hearing the faint sound of her footsteps racing down the hall. As soon as the room had become completely silent, I stopped trying to control it. I couldn't even feel myself grabbing the saber, or turning it on. It glided across the walls with rugged, raw power. 

I didn't care anymore.

I couldn't stand the sight of anything that reminded me of her. 

The problem was, everything reminded me of her; everything needed to be destroyed. Her clothes, her lipstick, her heels, her hairbrush, everything. 

The adrenaline made it easy, and I felt nothing. It felt good.

But that feeling didn't last long. I sank to the floor, now drained and breathing heavily. I gave one last shout, flinging my saber at the mutilated wall across from me. I breathed in shakily as I put my head in my hands.

That's when I felt it. Regret. Instant, painful regret. It coursed through me like venom, causing my insides to turn as I shut my eyes.

 I had become the monster she accused me of being. I had done it again. I had lost control, and I didn't even try to stop myself. My gaze wandered around the room haphazardly, pausing on the remaining torn fabric of her favorite nightshirt. My breath hitched again. I reached over, grabbing it from its place on the floor. 

I took off my gloves, feeling the satin fabric of the top. I bit the inside of my cheek, my eyes beginning to water slightly as I got a whiff of her perfume lingering on the material. The familiar hazel vanilla scent was incredibly nostalgic, as she had used the same one since the temple. 

What had I done? I thought, bringing the fabric up to my cheek as I closed my eyes.

Her begging continued to echo throughout my mind as I tried to process everything that had happened. In all my life, I had never seen her so desperate. Your deal, Ben! He tricked you! He's had different intentions all along. I saw it. In a vision. Why would I ever lie to you? I love you! 

I wondered the same thing. Why would she lie? 

She wasn't in her right mind.

She couldn't be, not to say something like that. It took everything in me to not break on the spot, to grab ahold of her and shake those senseless thoughts out of her mind. But now she was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Because this fight was different. She was truly gone. And the look in her eyes when she left killed me. She was terrified. She couldn't believe it. The shock and anguish combined were a dangerous duo, and she wasn't afraid to show it.

I trusted her more than anyone else in the universe, and I thought that she had felt the same. My brows furrowed. 

She did feel the same. I could sense it, as I always have, clear as day. The love we felt for each other was unbreakable. Unbeatable. It was otherworldly. But all the same, she had thrown it all away.

But had she? Had I spoken too soon? Had I gone too far? 

Was she really gone?

I couldn't think. If what she said was true, everything would change. Was I not believing her because I was terrified of change, or because I really just didn't believe her? I let the thoughts sink in, but it didn't take very long to come to a realization. I stood up quickly, my heart racing faster than it ever had before.

She was right, as she always was, and I had to find her before it was too late.

By now it had been quite a while since she had left, and I wondered if she had gone to bunk with one of her friends. I had to find her, and I had to find her fast. I immediately threw open the door, not even bothering to grab my saber as I sprinted down the hall, using the force to try and locate her.

But I got nothing. I couldn't trace her. My breathing grew slightly erratic again as I still continued my pursuit. I was halfway to find Phasma when I ran into a very calm-looking Hux.

"Where is she?!" I just about screamed, startling him. He immediately rolled his eyes, folding his arms behind his back like usual. "She departed on a shuttle, Ren. I have no clue when she'll be back. As a matter of fact, I was going to alert you of the state she was in when she left. Does her urgency to leave have anything to do with you? I bet y-"

Before he could say anything else, he began to choke. It was no coincidence that my hand was also outstretched in front of me, forming a c-shape. Hux was now suspended three feet in the air, clutching his throat as his face began to turn an unattractive shade of purple.

I stepped forward, bringing my hand down, but still keeping Hux afloat. My eyes narrowed into his, ignoring his pleas to be released from my invisible hold on him. 

"Learn how to shut the fuck up, General, it might do you some good." He barely nodded, which was the most I was allowing him to do in the current moment.

"You will tell me where she went, and for what reason, you felt inclined to LET HER LEAVE!" I yelled, causing Hux to flinch again. Nevertheless, he nodded, looking away from my glare. 

So he did. He had let her go.

And now she was gone. She had really left. 

And he had let her go. I should've killed him right then and there.

I took in a deep breath, causing my shoulders to shake slightly, before flinging Hux down the hall with as much force as I possibly could. He hit the floor with a thud, groaning as he curled himself into a ball. I strode forward, stopping when I reached his feet. I waited for his reply. 

"Answer. now." I spoke, my patience wearing dangerously thin.

Hux coughed, using the wall for support as he stood. "Where do you think, Ren? The beautiful Ajan Kloss. We had no reason to be suspicious of her random departure until she charted navigation for the planet. At that point, there was nothing we could do. And, frankly, no squadron was willing to chase after her." He spoke, his voice was dull.

I stood still, my expression blank. We stood in silence for a moment, before I abruptly shoved past him, causing him to lose his balance. I continued my stride down the hall, making my way towards the hangar bay.

It was obvious that there was a shuttle missing, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was getting back to her. 

I had lost her once, and I couldn't lose her again.

The ship was already en route to Exegol, and now all I had to do was wait. I would play my role, as I always have, but I would find her. I knew she would be there, with the Resistance. It's where she always belonged, it's where we've always belonged. Together.

And somewhere, far across the galaxy, I could faintly feel her. The stars twinkled brightly as I heard her voice, and although it was muffled, I held on to every second of it.

Goodnight, Ben, wherever you might be. I want to make this work, but it only will if you let me in. Please don't let this be forever.

Oh, gods, I wanted to say something back. I wanted to cry. I wanted to hold her tightly, promising to never hurt her again. I knew what I had done would leave a scar, and not one that would go away.
At this moment, I needed her to know that we were going to be okay. 

But I stopped myself. I had to play along with the plan, no matter how tortured I felt. It would just be for a little while longer. Soon enough, we would be together again.

Because I would find her, as I always have, as I always will.