Saints and Sinners

Thirty-seven:

Thirty-seven:

"Can I ask you something?" Alina said as they got into the car again.

Aleksander smiled over at her. "You can ask me anything. You know that."

"Most people just refer to The Apparat as The Apparat. He does call worshipers daughter or son or my child. But worshipers don't call him Father. Why do you?" Alina asked. "Especially because I thought that you weren't religious."

Aleksander stiffened. "Father is normally what you call the man that is your father."

Alina stared at him, trying to comprehend what she had just heard. "The Apparat is your father?"

He nodded. "Why do you think the church 'paid' for my education? That's also where my mother's money comes from. She was supposed to enter the church as a young girl, and The Apparat...took a liking to her. Baghra says she was 'under his spell' as well, and when she became pregnant with me out of wedlock, she thought she could not serve the church. The Apparat arranged a home for us, and Baghra was paid handsomely to keep her silence about me being his son."

Alina didn't know what to say. "Then why aren't you more religious?"

"I lost the taste for religion when my father decided that was a way to make me do his bidding."

"His bidding?"

"You know I'm a fixer, Alina. Who do you think that I fix things for?" he said. "The church tells me their sins, and I make them clean. If someone needs to be paid off, if someone needs to be punished, I'm that person. I do the things that the church can't do."

Alina's eyes widened. "You can't be serious."

"The church is a form of power like every other institution. They profit off of the lost, the damned, the frightened, and the desperate. Corrupt finds the corrupt here. It is not the institution that you think it is, one that opens hope and guidance. They want to control everything like everyone else."

Alina's heart fell. As a child, the Saints had been a comfort to her. The idea that there was someone to watch over her. That there was someone out there that would keep her from being lonely the rest of her life. To hear it talked about so callously, left a bad taste in her mouth. "You know sometimes I don't...." she stopped.

"What were you going to say?" Aleksander asked.

Alina shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "No, forget it. I shouldn't have pressed. I know the kind of man that you are. And I'm here, and there's no changing that."

Aleksander raised an eyebrow. "Would you like to change it? If that were a thing?"

She sighed. "I told you that I'm committed to this."

"I know you're committed to us, but are you committed to us because of the Blessing, and the church, or do you actually feel something for me, Alina?"

She scowled. "I don't see why it matters."

His grey eyes darkened. "It matters."

Alina reached out and took his hand. "I don't want to change you. I don't want to force you to be someone that you aren't. I understand that you...you walk a fine line between good and bad, and that it's not your fault that you are in the position you are. But it seems to me that you hide in the shadows, Aleksander, and that you use that as an excuse for...."

"An excuse for what?" Aleksander snarled, and Alina was aware of the anger that was coming off of him.

"To hide who you really are. And I'm not saying you have to be a believer, but I see the goodness in you, and I don't know why you hide that." Alina pressed her forehead toward his. "And I want people to see what I see."

Aleksander raised an eyebrow. "And what do you see, Alina?"

She reached out and cupped his face in her hands. "My heart. My soulmate."

He groaned. "You drive me really fucking crazy, Starkov."

"Hm. I could say the same thing about you, Morozova." She stroked his cheek. "I'm sorry I pressed you to go to the church. I shouldn't have."

Alina pulled away, and he took her hand in his.

"It's fine," he said, a little tersely, "we did get the answer that we were looking for. Blood seems to be key when it comes to soulmates and keeping them alive."

"Do you think Hanne knows that Matthias was her cousin?" Alina asked.

"I don't know," he admitted, "but I think I might be able to delay the trial with that information a bit longer. That means she didn't actually break the law. The only real trouble is we have no idea who killed Matthias."

"It's got to be Brum," said Alina, "doesn't that make sense?"

Aleksander stroked his beard. "Perhaps. But if what The Apparat says is true, then there is someone posing as The Apparat and pretending that they can remove Blessings. And we need to find out who that is."

"Where do we even start?" Alina asked. "It's not exactly like we can go to Fjerda and question them on if they have seen a fake Apparat."

"We can't," said Aleksander, "but I know someone who can."