My Safe Haven (BxB)

Chapter XXVIII - The Prayer

Andrew's POV – 28 August 2019 (Wednesday)

"Grandpa?" I call out, rubbing my eyes harshly, in nothing short of disbelief. My grandpa is here! Grandpa Pat is here! He's back.

"Grandpa!" I yell, running a little bit closer to him, and stop a few feet behind him.

"Grandpa, I was sure that you were gone forever" I state, breathing heavily, trying to catch my breath. Never doubt it when they tell you that God works in mysterious ways, because I really can't decipher how Grandpa Pat could be standing in front of me right now, knowing very well that my grandmother had told me that he had died. This is truly a mystery, I think to myself, before tapping back into reality that I still haven't gotten a response from him.

"Grandpa?" I call out again, this time a little bit softer, trying to get his attention, and failing. Wait, is he ignoring me? I wonder, feeling my heart rate speed up at the thought. Is it possible that he also feels if I haven't had what I had with Christian, he'd still be alive and well? Guilt starts to overwhelm me as I come to realize that he has every right in the world to be mad at me. I cost him his life.

"I'm so sorry Grandpa" my voice cracks with emotion as soon as the words leave my mouth. "I know you had to leave because of what I did with th-that b-boy..." I state in shame, hanging my head. Being with Christian really cost me everything I ever had, and I made a really good call by ending things with him. Then why do you feel so hurt? A voice in me argues. I'm not hurt, just trying to adjust, I fire back, before a pair of boot clad feet come to stand before me. I remove my gaze from the floor, and look into my grandpa's eyes, before moving my gaze to our surroundings, unable to swallow the look of utter disappointment in his eyes. I see that we're surrounded by trees, but I can also see a cabin in the distance.

As my eyes skim the area, I start to feel a set of eyes bore into the side of my face, before swallowing my fear and looking at the man that promised to support me through it all. My rock. When my gaze meets his, and I see that he still holds the disappointed look, I fall down to my knees in plea.

"I'm so sorry Grandpa, I really am!" I say, tears falling from my eyes. "I didn't know that my selfish ways would end up costing you your life. I know..." I sniffle "...I know my apologies won't bring you back, but I hope you can find it in you to forgive me."

Grandpa Pat shakes his head disapprovingly, breaking my heart even further. How will I live with myself knowing that my Grandpa can't even forgive me for costing him his life? How will I live with myself knowing very well that I am responsible for his death? But above and beyond everything, how will I live with myself, knowing very well that my father's words, once again reign true?

"I mean it Grandpa," I cry "I realize my mistake now... and that's why-that's why I br-broke things off with him" I manage to get out, irrespective of the stabbing pain in my chest. I try to latch onto my grandfather, at least for some sense of comfort, but he moves out of the way, and I fall on the ground. At this point, knowing that the man that means so much and more to me, is so upset with me, that he can't even bring himself to forgive me, tears me apart. I really wouldn't mind if the world were to open and swallow me whole at this point.

I am taken out of my daze, when I feel a drop of water hit my head. I raise my head, only to find my grandfather, still looking at me with so much disappointment. My cheeks get wetter as more tears fall, but my whole body gets wet, because it suddenly starts pouring. Grandpa Pat turns on his heels, and heads towards the direction of the cabin.

"Grandpa, wait for me!" I yell, getting up from the ground and attempt to run after my grandfather. When I start running, lightning flashes in the sky, scaring me shitless. So I end up following behind him, in a much slower pace.

"Grandpa!" I yell once again, as he gets on the steps that lead into the cabin, while I am still a few feet back. He does not turn and continues walking towards the front door, and as soon as he gets to it, he swings it open, and walks in, turning to look at me.

I look to the sky in plea, and beg the lightning Gods not to hit me with lightning, as I bolt towards the door, in desperate need of shelter from the rain. I run down the pathway and make it up the few steps that lead to the cabin door, and as I'm about to make my way inside, the door shuts right in front of me.

Succeeding in startling me out of my sleep.

Oh, it was just a dream, my mind registers, making me sigh in relief. Well, partial relief because dream or not, the fact remains that Grandpa Pat shut me out, and for the first time in forever, I feel like I truly am alone.

I've lost my grandpa, and I've lost Christian as well...

I sigh and shake my head at that thought. I really thought ending things with him would've helped relieve me of some of the guilt I feel, but if there's anything, it contributed to it. I tried getting him out of my head by deleting everything that had to do with him on my phone. I removed him from my life by breaking things off with him. And irrespective of all of that, there's absolutely nothing you can do to wipe him off in your heart, my subconscious argues.

"Goodness" I sigh in defeat. What do I do now? Before, it all dawns on me. I do what my parents taught me the best...Prayer.

I roll off the bed, and fall to my knees. Where do I even start?

"Lord...it's me Andrew," He knows it's you Dummy "and I humble myself before you, because I need your help. I did some bad things, and I thought I should come to you...not because you're my last resort, but because you're the only one I trust not to judge me" I explain. "I'd like to start by apologizing by going against your word, an-and doi-doing things with..." I stumble "...with another man. I want to let you know that I feel bad for going against your will, and now I see what my father meant when he said there are repercussions for abandoning Christ, I see it Lord, and I'm sorry. I've lost it all and I come before you, holding nothing" I state, tears falling from my eyes. "I know the decision I made to break up with him was the best, but at least lessen the pain because," I break down "I can't take it anymore. My stupid heart yearns for him and I don't know what to do! So I need you to help me by erasing him off my heart...because it hurts, it hurts so bad..." If my father ever saw me like this, he'd probably kick me in the mouth and yell at me for acting like such a wuss. Too bad I feel like one, after crying in my dream, now I'm crying in reality.

"So...I hope you can help me with that, and please tell my Grandpa I'm sorry" I draw in air, "That's all for now, I guess" I add with a sigh. "Amen."

*****

Hello Lovelies.

First Chapter of 2022. I know it's a few days late and I apologize, I took the first few days of the year to focus and enjoy my time with my loved ones before I go back to college.

Every Chapter takes a few hours to write, and this one is not an exception, and it takes only a few minutes to read. Now I would appreciate it if you'd vote, comment and share the story to others. I really value your engagement with my story, it means the world to me.

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Ciao!