My Safe Haven (BxB)

Chapter XLII - The She-Devil

Andrew's POV – 1 October 2019

...believe that."

His words replay in my head as we stand in the middle of the family room, in nothing short of uncomfortable silence. See, Ian and I are pretty comfortable when we're together, but if there's anything that this situation is proving, is that if I continue to allow the trauma my parents caused me to get the better of me, I may ruin my relationship with Christian...and I would be damned if I let that happen. Not again.

"Christian" I call out lowly. If there was any background noise, I'm pretty certain that he wouldn't have heard me.

"Andrew" he responds just as lowly, but definitely not missing the harsh undertones in his voice. He has every right in the world to be harsh, you make it so hard for a person to love you, the voice in my head chirps in, and I shake my head in an attempt to get rid of that stupid voice. It's definitely the last thing I want to hear right now.

"I'm sorry" I voice out, feeling my eyes burn the longer I keep my stare on the fired up boy before me. I avert my gaze to the ground as I feel the weight of the world crash on my shoulders. I can feel tears roll down my face as I start to acknowledge how much my parents have hurt me. They really screw you off, the voice adds again, and I can't be bothered by it because for the first time, I agree with it. My parents are not only responsible for the physical scars that litter my body, but they are also responsible for my constant self-loathing. I hate the man that looks back at me when I look at myself in the mirror. That man is gay, he's a sinner! He will burn in the deepest, darkest parts of hell for all eternity because his lifestyle goes against that of the Bible...

But, if there is one thing I'd utterly despise myself for, is depriving Ian of an opportunity to show me love when that is all he has done for me. Speaking from experience, I absolutely loathed myself after breaking up with him. So I can continue hating myself for being gay because I know Ian will love me enough for the both of us...

"It's not your fault" said boy wraps his hands around me in a comforting manner, and I just can't help but break down at the feeling of his warm hands around me.

"I re-really am s-sorry" I sob.

"It's okay My Love" he squeezes me. "You really need to get over the pain that your parents caused you. Don't allow them to hurt you, not anymore."

"It-it's not ea-easy Ian, I've tried" I continue to drench his shirt with tears, as I sob harder and harder into his shoulder.

"Hey Andie look at me" he says, unwrapping his arms around me, but I can't bring myself to look at him. How can I look at him when I'm constantly disappointing him? How can I look at him when I prove time and time again that I am unworthy of his love? How can I look at him when the entire universe knows that I don't deserve him. "Andrew" he calls, placing is index finger under my chin and gently pushing my face up. "You said you tried to get over the pain your parents caused you, right?"

"Ye-yeah" I stutter.

"Don't ever do that again" he says softly, but just as seriously.

"Why?" I question, looking into his eyes. Once upon a time these eyes held so much mystery, now they hold so much compassion, so much love, so much care, so much desire, so much lust...

"Don't ever try to do things on your own. From now onwards, it's Christian and Andrew against the world. As long as I'm still here, you'll never get to deal with the world's bullshit alone..."

"I don't deserve you..." I finally voice my thoughts, interrupting his cute speech.

He looks taken aback by my words, before recollecting himself and shooting me that million dollar smile of his, "If you didn't deserve me..." he pauses, and gets close to my ear "...I wouldn't be with you," and with just that, I knew that this one...this one is a keeper. "Stop blushing and let's go to school" he says, making me chuckle. Well, not really chuckle, but that's not the point...