My Safe Haven (BxB)

Chapter XLI - Hell

Andrew's POV – 1 October 2019 (Tuesday)

One thing that my parents gave me in abundance, surely has to be trauma. The years of neglect, of abuse, mean absolutely nothing compared to this trauma I am referring to. I had been taught, from as young as I can possibly remember that being with someone of the same sex was the ultimate sin, and you'd think that me opening up to what Christian and I have will erase that trauma? Wrong!

I had seen the looks of pure disgust in my parents' faces whenever a gay couple appeared on the television. I remember sensing the hatred ooze out of my father when we came across two guys, walking hand in hand, while a child ran around them...

[Flashback]

"A bunch of fags" my father spits. "I feel so bad for that child" he adds, my mother shaking her head in disapproval at the scene before us.

I continue to look at the couple in nothing but envy. I'm not saying I was envious of the men's relationship, no...I was envious of the freedom in the child. I craved being able to laugh that hard with my parents. I wish my parents' eyes would light up whenever I was being playful, instead of telling me to stop acting like a two year-old...

"Why are you still staring at those fucking faggots?!" my father whisper yells beside me.

"Uh-uhm..."

"That life is not normal! And anyone who practices it will burn in hell! Do you understand?" he fires.

"Yes fa-father" I stutter, feeling overwhelmed by fear at the unexpected outburst.

"I hope they find the light someday" my mother chirps in, still staring at the men who were enclosed in their own circle of happiness, and at that moment, I began to wonder...what does my mother mean when she says 'she hopes they find the light', because it's as clear as day that their light is with each other...

"Since you like the scene so much, why don't you go join them?" my father enquires, his face red with fury. "If by any chance you happen to like dick, you can sure as hell consider yourself an orphan because your mother and I did not give birth to an abomination! I won't ask you to stop staring again" he warns, clicking his tongue for good measure, then continues to stare a whole through the lovebirds...

[End of flashback]

For years, I believed my father's words that liking someone of the same sex could lead to my soul not finding peace in the afterlife. For years I believed the preacher's words that homosexuality is a sin. For years I believed the scripture that a man cannot lie with another man, as he does with a woman...but now, those words have been shoved into the deepest parts of my memory. Sadly, they have their way of escaping the confines of my memory, and reminding me that the love I share with Christian could possibly land both of our asses in hell...

"Andrew!" Christian yells from behind me, startling me.

I whip around, "What?!"

"I've been calling your name for the past minute or two, what's up?" he enquires, staring at me with those beautiful eyes. If our love is wrong, why does it feel so right?

"You've been acting pretty strange from yesterday morning, did I do something wrong?" he asks, concern evident on his face. "When you finished showering your mood did a complete 180. You talked less, you smiled less, you slept on the freaking couch, so I know I did something wrong. What did I do?" he questions, before realization seems to dawn on him, "Oh Baby I'm so sorry if my sexual remarks made you uncomfortable..." he apologizes, then tries to reach for my shoulder, and I move away from his touch. He continues to stare at me in disbelief, before his face falls in disappointment, "Oh, I must have messed up pretty bad if that means I get the silent treatment," he sighs, looking at me sadly...and the look he gives me, has my heart bursting with a feeling I had never felt before. Almost like bolts of electricity were being pumped out of it...

"It's not you" I explain with a sigh.

"If it's not me then why were you ignoring me? Why won't you let me touch you?"

"Overthinking" I elaborate, tapping my head with my index finger for added effect.

"Why?"

"I had time to think about what your grandparents said..."

"Andie don't worry about what those two say..."

"You don't understand Christian!" I yell. "The looks of pure disgust from them reminded me so much of the look I got from my father when he was beating me senseless for being with you! I can't help but be reminded of how wrong our relationship is..."

"So you want us to break up?" Christian interjects, and that question alone brings my rambling to a halt. Do I want to break up with him?

"No" I reply sternly.

"Then forget what everyone says..."

"I can't" I sigh. "I've tried but I can't."

"You know, your parents would be really happy if they saw you like this" Christian states seriously.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You don't live with them anymore, but they can still hurt you. Even when they are not around you, they can still rob you off an opportunity of getting love..."

"Don't you think that our love will drive us to hell?" I interrupt.

"So our love is so bad that we can end up in hell for it?" he enquires with wide eyes. "I'm simply sharing my love for another man but according to your book of superstitions that is punishable by being burnt for all eternity?" he adds. 'Then fucking fine! I will gladly march to the gates of hell and challenge the devil himself for his throne, if that means I get to be with you" he pokes my chest. "I will gladly defy all the rules of normalcy if that means I get to share my love with you! I will gladly take all the nasty stares because I know that your eyes hold comfort that is far greater than the threat the outside world possesses!"

The hair at the back of my neck stands up as I hear the words come out of the man that stood before me. Chills making their way down my spine as I digest his words...

"You clearly need to deal with your demons Babe" he says, with a much softer voice. "I'll give you time to do that...just don't take too long" he says. "I'll see you at school" he adds, then walks off into the kitchen.

"Why does it seem like you don't care about us burning in hell?" I question lowly, stopping him in his tracks.

"That's because I don't."

"Aren't you scared?" I enquire, making him turn around, his beautiful eyes capturing me.

"Scared of going to hell? Nah..."

"What do you mean 'nah'?" I ask. Is he unaware of the shit that goes down in hell?

"I mean I am not afraid of going to hell" he says sternly. "And you also shouldn't be."

Upon hearing his words, I was certain that I would scream bloody murder at him. I was certain that I would hit him with the countless stories our Sunday school teacher told us, but ironically, I only managed to get out a low, "Why?"

He stares at me intensely and says, "The house you called a home for all your life was hell on Earth. You survived that house so I'm damn sure you'd survive any other challenge that the world throws at you. Believe that."

******

Hey Lovelies

I have returned with another Chapter, and I hope you enjoyed it! (I know it's late, and I apologize. The move from home back to school was really stressful, so now that's out of the way, I'll continue posting regularly.)

Don't forget to like, comment and share the story with others!