M u t e L o v e // KiriBaku

• My Angel •

When he wakes up with that little look in his eyes, I knew that something began to bother him again.

I always try to not pry into it, because after all, just because we're in a relationship now, it doesn't mean that he still doesn't like to talk about what's on his mind. But lately, I've begun trying to hint towards him that I'm always here to chat.

We go out for breakfast and stop by a park after he complained about being indoors all day. Today's the first time we're trying these breakfast sandwiches from their menu, and the fact that we're experiencing something for the first time together makes it impossible to drop the smile that I'm wearing from my lips. Coffee makes him feel agitated and anxious and it hurts my stomach, so we settled to go all out and try out a smoothie from their menu as well. We got two straws and a large cup, ignoring the fact that we might not like it. You can't go wrong with passion fruit, though–

He ate in silence, but he still looked at me one hell of a lot. It's like he forgot to speak, but is still looking at me as if he will, eventually.

"Doing okay?" I ask out of the blue after I chuck aside a used napkin. He shrugs and his eyes move towards the smoothie.

"Tomorrow's the day." He finally says. I'm surprised he brought it up, taking it how he always tries to avoid anything medical-related.

"It is! Are you excited!?" I ask in return, and I'm left hurt to see him shake his head.

"We'll talk back at home."

And oh man, I have never seen him stall to go back home as much as I did today.

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When we got back home, he still went up to shower and to "fix his hair".

I found him in the bathroom picking at his hair, twirling the ends of his hair's spikes, and sulking in front of the mirror.

I didn't walk in or didn't go chasing after him– I didn't even know he was still in there at all. I stopped halfway in and apologized without thinking until my brain registered that the one I saw was Katsuki. A sad-looking Katsuki.

I keep my distance and wave to get his attention, asking: "why the sad face?". He shrugs his body in a weird way– like the shrug took over all of his limbs– and he began walking towards me, claiming that he finally wanted to talk about it. I take care of my business and meet him in his room.

He sits around at first and begins to give my lap side-eyes. Only when I open my arms does he give in to the urge of being held. I think I ruined him completely, spoiling him with warm embraces whenever he feels like having one...

He huffs out and his head falls against my lap, the rest of his body lying comfortably on the bed. My hand is drawn to his forehead like a magnet.

"How're you feeling?" I ask first, and I unfortunately receive a head shake.

"I feel like it's not gonna work."

"What's not gonna work?"

He looks away and pries his dry lips from one another, to say: "I'm not gonna get my hearing back. I know I won't."
"What...? What makes you say that?"

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It's hard to look in his eyes when I'm feeling so nervous like this.
It isn't what I show often, but I can feel my own facial muscles betray me. I know I look exhausted right now– it's what killed my mood as soon as I looked in that shitty mirror.

Then again, I can't get mad at the mirror for only showing what I'm doing, myself.

He's seen me in such worst states, though. And not once has he left. He's helped me through it... I'm hoping that this time, he can help me again.

I don't hide too much when I look up at him. If I look nervous or upset, then fucking so be it.

"I-... I'm nervous as hell, Kirishima... my heart's been hurting in my chest since this morning," I confess. His face changes into this look of concern... and I'm just now realizing that I've been seeing that more often. I've been seeing his smiles less often. "I don't like having expectations of things, 'cuz... If they end up not working, then I don't get hurt or angered or annoyed," I say. "No negative expectations, or positive expectations...-- But for tomorrow, I-... I just feel like it won't work--"

"But why are you nervous!?" He asks, "you'll finally be able to hear! After months!" He says.

My lip pouts out without me even realizing it. "But what if it doesn't work?"

He shakes his head and runs his hand from my forehead down to the top of my head. I'm learning more and more what I like to get from him, and getting my hair played and messed with by him is something I could get for hours straight.

"Be positive, okay? It'll work. You're gonna hear again..." he says. Then, his smile returns. It makes me want to smile again, as well... "You're gonna hear again, Baku...!" He repeats, petting my head with an eager hand.

I sigh without even meaning to, and give up a quiet "I really fucking want to.".
I can tell his cheeks are starting to hurt from how long he's been smiling so wide like that when he begins to bite his lip. I think he exhales a giggle and he shows me "just know that I'm really excited and happy for you, okay?" with slow and almost lazy hands.

He leans forward and his nose, cold at the tip and slightly red, touches my forehead. His hands feel so fucking nice against my face and chest and nothing gives me more confidence than to see him feeling comfortable enough to touch me like this. My head tilts up and my lips meet his chin and he jerks back a bit.

I guess I got too close to his lips.

He gives me a sweet smile and tells me to keep my chin up, and that just tomorrow, I'll be getting my hearing back. I can only hold his hand over my chest and mutely show him what's hurting my chest.

"I wanna hear you, Eijiro," I say, and my hand squeezes his tighter. He gives a quick nod, a strong one.

He says: "I want to see you happy again, Katsuki..." but my name is signed wrong. I feel like I'm being controlled by the calmest beast out there, raising my hands to grab his so I can manipulate his fingers and hands to show my name correctly. I thought he was going to fall asleep right then and there with how relaxed his eyes and expression are.

"Katsuki..." he repeats on his own, and I nod slowly, repeating it back to him. With a slow nod and a clever little grin, he states:

"I love Katsuki..."

"Well, shit..." I sigh out. "You finally got the two things you were struggling the most in fuckin' sign language right,"

He laughs and the back of my hand meets his sternum, where I could at least accompany the bursts of laughter he has without my hearing.

I knew he's been happy for me from the start.
The only thing I remember from when I woke up from my surgery was seeing his smile... how it was so large, I could see his gums perfectly lining his teeth. Thanks to him, I was able to smile on a hospital bed for the first time ever.

He makes me live through moments I never even thought of. In the little time that we've been together, I learned a shit ton about myself. It really feels like some candle inside me got lit up for the first time after it sat alone in me for so long. A lit candle in a dark room...

I don't know what led him to like me-- both platonically and romantically, like this. I'm aware that on the outside, I'm not the prettiest or kindest fucking person. 

Eijiro is a real fucking savior. An angel of a person.

He's my angel. And I fucking love my little angel...