M u t e L o v e // KiriBaku

• I'm Back, World •

I had forgotten what everybody sounded like.

Eijiro's voice, which guilt-trips me the most, is the one that surprised me the most. I'm aware of just how shitty our memory holds the sound of people's voices. I was sure, too, that I would remember something I listened to every single fucking day.

I get startled all the time now– I'm still getting adapted. How slowly I'm getting adapted is pissing me off. Eijiro reminded me earlier today that I'm lucky only Icyhot and bird-head stayed back at the dorms... if Pikachu was here along with the rest of the idiots in the class, this wouldn't have been nearly as smooth as a recovery process as it was.

Eijiro's voice has that little rasp to it– it's strong, from the gut. Not the deepest, but I remember the range that he has from the moments where pure anger and hatred came from him. Out of the class, I think that his voice matches him and his age the best.

I found a new meaning behind his voice and words. What I once used to call loud and way too eager, and over the top, I now consider something crucial to my wellbeing. It's cringy, I know, but there's a huge fucking meaning behind the fact that now, it isn't just Eijiro's voice. It's my boyfriend's voice.

I grew up with them, but even hearing my own parents' voice was weird too. You gotta experience it yourself for you to know what I really fucking mean, alright?
You think you know something down to the last damn detail, but when you finally experience it, it isn't quite the same. Even if it's the slightest little thing, there's gonna be something different.

Tonight was the night of celebrations. It's easy for people to celebrate a day that they didn't feel as much fear and worry that somebody else did. Thinking about it, I don't even know what specifically made me sick to my stomach with fear and anxiety. I could name a few, but none feel stronger in accuracy than the other. Deception, or low expectations... both feel pretty up there, when it comes to a possible reason.

But I think that, if I had to think of something scary, it would be to see Eijiro's disappointed face.

I wanted it all to go well just so I wouldn't have to deal with the guilt that it would give me. Hell, I wanted it to work so I could see his fucking smile, and to have his expectations be met.

The hag insisted that we held a party to celebrate my own shitty mistake's solution. The food was uncooked, everything was too loud, the neighbors surely fucking hate us now, and Eijiro wasn't there. I'm exhausted– it doesn't nearly compare to a full day of training and quirk endurance.

I get off the cab and the driver wishes me a good night. With hearing or not, I wouldn't have answered it either way. I feel like I'm dragging my own dead body up to the dormitories porch, my eyes are sagging until I have to shake my head, to will myself to not just drop right here and fall asleep. They usually exhaust me, but with all the other factors building up to tonight, I can't think about doing anything more other than falling on a bed and sleeping until tomorrow night.

I notice that inside is cold. Not warm, not room temperature– just uncomfortable.

I just make a straight line towards the elevator– I don't even know, and honestly, I don't care if anybody is in the common area. If they called out for me, I didn't hear shit.

The elevator ride is a blur, but seeing his door open is enough to get me a little more awake.

Eijiro isn't here?

My legs feel way too fucking heavy. I just push his door ajar and let myself fall. I think just about the top half of my body makes it to his bed... that's good enough for me, right now.

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His door was not left the same that he had left it.