---
Steven: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one, you'll be fined.
Peter: Heck.
Steven: You're on thin fucking ice.
Peter: Oh no.
---
Steven: Guess what number I'm thinking of.
Dave: 420?
Steven: No! Thats really immature of you. Can someone else guess and please take this seriously.
Jack: 69?
Steven: ...Yeah it was 69.
---
Jack: Are you inside my ceiling, Dave?
Dave, inside the ceiling: No...
---
Jack: Text me when you're on your way.
Peter: Potassium.
Jack: You're such a nerd.
---
Steven: Why are you late?
Peter: A technical error occurred causing an unexpectedly long bought of unconsciousness.
Steven: Overslept?
Peter: ...Overslept.
---
Henry: Why don't you stay down and die with dignity?
Dave: We don't do anything with dignity!
Everyone else: ...
---
Steven: I'm going over to help. Stay here and...just don't touch anything.
Dave: Yeah, yeah.
Dave, as soon as Steven is out of sight: I'm going to touch everything!
---
Henry: How tall are you?
Jack: Height is a social construct.
Henry: So, you're short.
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Dave: What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave and her name was Mozzarella?
Steven: Don't ever text me again.
---
Steven: I hope you have a good explanation for this.
Jack: We have 3 actually.
Dave: Pick your favourite.
---
Dave: Who the fuck-
Steven: Language!
Dave: ...
Dave: Whom the fuck
---
Dave: Come on, Jack, I wasn't that drunk!
Jack: You tried to colour my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.
Dave: That's because you are.
---
Dave: Alright, listen up you little shits.
Dave: Not you, Jack. You're an angel and were all thrilled you're here.
---
Dave: Sorry I'm late.
Peter: What happened?
Dave: Nothing, I just really didn't wanna come.
---
Jack: Okay, does everyone know what they're doing?
Dave: In general or the plan?
Jack: The plan, babe.
Dave: Oh, phew.
---
The kids: That moment you enter a room and forget why you went in there.
Dave n Jack: *Stab them*
The kids: Oh, that's right I was being chased by serial killers.
---
Peter: Imagine life, but not bad.
Dave: Unrealistic. Blocked.
---
Jack: To quote the icon that is John Mulaney: 'I have had a long day, I am very small, and I have no money so you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.'
---
Jack, holding a ticket: What happened? Why'd you get pulled over?
Dave: I was just trying to catch up with traffic.
Jack: It was late at night, there was no traffic.
Dave: Thats how far behind I was!
---
Dave: Where's my fucking knife?
Peter: Dude, there are kids around. Say it nicer, maybe?
Dave:...May I ascertain the whereabouts of my fucking knife?
---
Jack: *exists*
Dave: This is my orange baby, I will love and protect him, if any of you touch him, I will not hesitate to kill you.
---
Steven: Don't do anything stupid.
Dave: You and I both know that's asking way too much of me.
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Jack: Babe, that toy is for ages 5 and up.
Dave: Yeah! I'm part of the 'up'.
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Steven: Let me see what you have.
Dave: A knife!
Steven: NO!
---
Dave, after murdering kiddens: I feel weird...
Steven: That would be your conscious.
Dave: Ah, no that can't be it. I think I got rid of that thing a while ago.
---
