SIMPLE SERAH

~Julia~

||SERAH||

Juliana Akinyi AKA Julia!

She has recently become the starring in my new series of dreams. Seeing her and Asahd alone in the parking lot Monday night became the genesis of these dreams. If she is not busy romancing him, then she is busy laughing and playing with him. Countless times, I have woken up to condemn these nightmares misnamed dreams. Always praying that Asahd replaces her, but it never happens. If it happens, it's always vague to distinguish the events in the dreams.

A couple of times, I have found myself wishing that I never saw them that day. Perhaps I would be having peaceful nights. Other times I wish that I never saw Asahd at all. He has effortlessly been making it hard for me to restrain myself from hopelessly falling for him leave alone crushing. Staying immune to his charms wasn't supposed to be hard but rather easy. It is so frustrating that I have effortlessly been rendered vulnerable.

I hate to mention this but I've turned into a creepy watcher. For six days in a row now, I've been watching Asahd from afar. Mostly when I'm on break from our music rehearsals. Most of the time I just stare at him, admire him, fantasize about him, and maybe wish for so many things regarding him-us. I don't dare hope or expect though. I learned not to ever hope or expect when the variables aren't in your favor. You can easily get your heart broken into a million pieces if either is crashed or not met.

I've also been keeping close tabs on Julia. I've realized that she is closer to Asahd than I previously thought. The two have solid chemistry that seems to be in existence for a while. I'm positive they have known each other for a while. Maybe from here or outside. I can't be sure. I'm not sure I even want to know the answer to that. It might just mess me up more.

I figured I'm already messed up because the sight of them together hurts me, makes me feel jealous and angry at the same time. I'm angry at Julia for being so lucky to get noticed. On the other hand, I'm also angry at myself for falling for him. I shouldn't have let myself down otherwise these unbidden feelings wouldn't be nagging me. Now I'm suffering and that too, alone in the dark, again. It is funny how history has a habit of repeating itself...

About a year ago, my therapist told me that keeping a diary in which you jot down your true inner feelings was therapeutic. To a greater extent, she was right. It helped me with my issue back then. Perhaps even now, it can help me deal with these unbidden feelings and everything else regarding Asahd Kimuli.

Hopefully, none of these feelings will be long-lasting. That would be exhausting. I'm already tired of the heavy burden that comes along with harboring them. For one, suffering in darkness without ever getting noticed. In the new diary that my dad got me a few weeks ago, I'll start by stating facts about Asahd. I will for most of these facts to help me realize that Asahd is a dangerous temptation that needs to be flushed out of my mind and heart.

Asahd Kimuli - Pros and Cons List

Pros

He's very attractive. It is undebatable.

He's a talented dancer and choreographer.

He's a model and actor.

Cons

1. He has never noticed you and there is a ninety-nine percent chance he never will. If he does notice you, it will be by that one percent chance. However, let that not dare make you hope or expect anything. Like Arkadi Tscheidse from your favorite epic theatre play knew twenty-one thousand lines of verse by heart, you also know by the same that one percent chance is incomparable to ninety-nine percent.