SIMPLE SERAH

~Forgotten Bonds~

||SERAH||

About a week and a half ago...

It's about seven-thirty pm when the rain heavily falls on our roofs. The smell of the wet dust wafts through the crack line at the bottom of the door into the house. It is manipulatively sweet and intoxicating. It makes one crave tasting the wet dust or even eating some soil. This reminds me that there is a certain red sticky soil that the female gender loves eating. They say that it is somewhat sweet and you can easily get addicted to eating it. However, most addictions happen when the female gets pregnant and the soil cravings are high.

Nevertheless, the rain stupidly reminds me of the first night we made love in Asahd's bed. In the secrecy of his candlelit bedroom. The memories make me miss him so bad. As if I've not missed him enough it hurts. At this point, I think I not only miss him but crave him. I desperately need to feel him around me soonest possible. The only problem is that my fear is holding me back. I still fear that he will get tired of me and leave me for better and newer pastures. That, as established from the very beginning of our story, guarantees me an inevitable and ruthless heartbreak.

One that I'm sure will take years to move on from. I don't understand how one person can hold that much power over the other. It is scary and amazing at the same time. I'm trying so hard to get over this fear as it is not at all easy. I don't know how long it will plague me but I can only hope that it will not take long. There is this Swahili proverb, chelewa chelewa utapata mwana si wako. Which, in layman's language means that if you delay, then you'll later find that the child is not yours. It makes me fear that Asahd will get tired of waiting for me and move on.

As I don't want that to happen I'm using the proverb as leverage to get over my fear. I know fear is like a parasite. It always wants to cling to someone, most of the time making them think negatively in almost all case scenarios. Crystal clearly, I know that if I don't give us a chance, I'll never know where we were meant to end up together. If I give us a chance, we have a fair chance to experience a beautiful love story. More so the one that Asahd dreams of having. I used to share the same dream until reality hit me squarely and it dimmed. It doesn't matter though. We will share his for as long as we are together.

Bottom line, I need to stop thinking of the possible negative things that could happen if our relationship bit the block. Instead, I should focus on that fair chance of a beautiful love story. Additionally, I need to be more optimistic. Especially if I want to be the heroine of his story. That has become a constant dream since he told me about his adventure with countless women. I don't want to be just another woman on his scroll list. It is a little bit ambitious and self centered but that's what I want. Unapologetically.

I close the fancy peach colored diary he gifted me after our valentines date and put it in the drawer. It's by no match the most beautiful tangible diary I've ever seen. The short note he sent along with it is stuck on the first page. It will always serve as a sweet reminder that he got the diary for me.

"Sweet Mawia, here is a little gift to fill with as many words and photos as it can hold. I hope you enjoy it."

As of now, it already has over twenty pages of emotionally written words and photos to testify on their behalf. I intend to have him read it one day. At least he will get to know what I feel during this time we are not together. As I stand to start preparing supper, my phone chimes with a familiar and almost forgotten message tone. Knowing that it is Sue, nervousness and excitement jolt within me. Instead of heading to the kitchenette, I head over to the study table and grab my phone. Quickly, I unlock it to read the message.