I don't want to lose you

71

I wake up to the noise of people in the hallway. Lando was still laying there. I turn around to face him. He looks so peaceful. I know he will be a great father some day. People kept saying not to blame myself but I can't help it. If I had of just seen the doctor this wouldn't have happened. Then I think about this season. It was all coming along perfectly and now I'm going to miss it all.

I know it seems selfish but part of me wishes I wasn't pregnant. Of course I wanted kids, I really did but of all seasons, why this one...

L-morning babe

Y/n-good morning, how are you

L-I'm okay...more importantly how are you

Y/n-I still have a little pain but it's fine

L-did you get some sleep

Y/n-ye I did thankfully

L-good, wait have you been crying

Y/n-a little but it's okay

L-y/n don't get upset it's going to be okay, we will get the scan and we can take it from there please y/n don't cry

I don't say anything I just hug him tighter. I didn't want to lose him...I needed him.

Then Charles comes into the room, he runs over to me and wraps his arms around me.

C-y/n are you okay

Y/n-ye I guess

C-I've been so worried all night but I wanted to make sure you got some sleep, did you?

Y/n-yes

C-okay good, and lando how are you

L-I'm fine...I'm just going to go to bathroom

He gets up and makes his way out of the room. I sit up straight to face Charles, I feel tears building up in my eyes. He notices and grabs my hand.

C-y/n tell me now, what's wrong

Y/n-I'm such a horrible person

C-no your not y/n your amazing

Y/n-no Charles I'm not. I don't want a kid...well not yet, this year is going so good, I don't want it to end because I'm pregnant. This year is the first year I feel like I actually have a chance.

C-have you told lando

Y/n-no way, I can't tell him...he wants this kid so bad, like now that I'm pregnant of course I want it to be okay but part of me wishes it didn't happen. It sounds so hypocritical but if I lose it Charles I'm not going to be able to cope...I just wish I wasn't pregnant at all because then I could continue with this amazing season but now that I am pregnant I can't face losing it.

C-listen y/n I know you have always been scared of having kids but I promise you we will all be here for you and I understand that part of you is sad that you will miss this year but there is always next year, and you have a contract to fall back on

Y/n-I guess but I'm probably never going to be as good as I am now after I have a kid

C-nonsense y/n you will be back in no time

Y/n-ye I guess so...please don't tell lando about this

C-don't worry I won't tell anyone

Y/n-pinky promise

C-pinky promise

I hold out my pinky and he wraps his around mine and hugs me.

Y/n-Charles I can't lose it