Breaking Point

Chapter 9

I wake up feeling like someone ran over me with a car. I would like to think that it's vodka, but it's not. I have a really fast metabolism and a pretty high alcohol tolerance, it's hard for me to actually get drunk and I usually don't have a hangover. The reason why I'm feeling like shit, It's because of him. I can't deny the fact that it felt so good to kiss him. My subconscious was definitely cut off when I turned around and kissed him. It went totally from my heart. I don't want to admit this, I can't admit this. Even to myself that I have feelings for him. Even If I do, I can't be in a relationship. I know that it's been a year since Logan disappeared from my life. But the scars that he left are too deep. I don't know if I can trust any other men anymore. As much as I feel like I can trust Christopher, I can't let myself do it. I can't let anyone else play with me and use me. I hate Logan so much for everything that he has done to me. The way that he destroyed me. Even if Chris has good intentions, how can I let him in? My life is a mess. My world is a dark place. I can't bring him into the darkness. It won't be fair of me to do so.

"How are you feeling?" Diana asks me, concern clear on her face as she stands over my bed.

"Like shit." I admit. I sometimes have a feeling like I have to different personalities and yesterday, Mr. Hyde definitely took over. And now the poor Dr. Jekyll has to clean up the mess.

"Do you need aspirin?"

"You say that like you don't know me." I say in a monotone voice looking at the ceiling. "I didn't drink enough to get a hangover."

"I just assumed that you did, you've been sober for more than a year."

I hear her walking and then the sound of her mattress shifting. Couple of minutes pass when she breaks the silence.

"What happened? I mean, what happened after Chris dropped you off?"

Hearing his name makes my stomach flutter. Fuck. I do have feelings for him.

"I kissed him." As soon as I admit, Diana gasps and stands up to sit on my bed.

"You did what?" She's shocked but I can see worry on her face.

"Yeah, I kissed him." I say slowly, that she can process my bombshell.

"Do you like him?"

The question that I was worried about. At least she didn't ask me if I love him. Oh god! I don't even want to think about that! But do I like him? Well, I already admitted to myself, so fuck it...

"I think I do." Diana looks at me like I've grown two heads. She wasn't expecting me to admit it so fast. If I was in the mood, I would've probably fired a comeback, but I'm not. It's better to tell the truth. She's my best friend anyway.

"Wow."

We sit in silence for a second. She's thinking about something, I know it. It's probably Logan and all of the fucked up shit that he did. She stares at the window for a moment before she speaks up again.

"If it makes you a little better, he was so pissed at Owen when he came back to the party." She says and I sit up immediately.

"He went back to the party?" I gasp. Did he go back for that girl? Did he kiss her? Or have sex with her? Sick feeling of jealousy runs down my throat slowly like a burning hot water.

"Yeah, he did. He was pissed off and... sad, I guess. I didn't quite understand why, but now I get it. I assume you didn't end the night on good terms?"

"I kissed him. Well... it was the whole make out session really and then I left without a word."

A small smile plays on Diana's face.