healing

the tube

TW: Fainting, major food restriction, NG tube placement, throwing up, calories, depression, pills

The next morning, I immediately felt like showering. I showered every day here just because it felt almost as a peaceful place for me.

I turned the water to freezing and let it numb my body as that was what I did everytime I took a shower to burn calories. I stood there for a few moments until I was completely shaking and red splotches appeared on my skin. I turned the water a little warmer which felt so nice. I turned it up higher, letting the heat completely take over my body as I washed it, along with my hair.

I started to feel a little woozy probably from temperature and grab the towel that hung from the hook on the wall next to me and wrapped it around me. I stand up straight and everything started to get blurry.

I tried to steady my self on the wall but that was no use. Black dots danced across my vision and I heard a high pitched noise coming from no where. I then heard muffled knocks on the door, accompanied by the voice of Dr. Staple.

"y/n are you almost ready for checks?"

That was my daily routine now when I woke up. Every day, get weighed, "take" my antidepressants and go down for breakfast. I stumbled to the sink and did my best to form a sentence.

"Y-yeah j-just one second," I slurred, trying to get to my pile of clothes.

"Okay honey. Hurry up, breakfast is in 20 minutes." I then felt my eyes start to close and stood still at the sink.

"D- Dr. Staple?"

"Yes y/n?"

"C- can you- I- I think I'm gonna faint," I said, my words just decrescendo into a mere whisper.

"What's that honey?" she asks from behind the door.

"I think I'm-" I tried so hard to form words, just to keep her at the door but I just felt myself slipping out of consciousness. I fell to the ground with a thud and felt myself completely let go.

Dr. Staple quickly opened the door and called out for Nurse Aird. She gently hit my cheek a few times and said my name but it all sounded like I was under water.

"y/n? y/n can you hear me?" Nurse Aird came into the room and Dr. Staple covered me with the towel. "Carol, she fainted again," she said with panic in her voice.

"We should get her dressed and to the hospital room."

Dr. Staple was hesitant but propped me up as my head rolled back onto her shoulder. She grabbed my top and slipped it onto me, covering me with my towel as much as possible but Dr. Staple spotted something on my back and stared at it for a moment.

"What is it?" Nurse Aird asked, walking around to look at my back and see my extremely bruised spine.

"Bruised spine..." Nurse Aird started to say.

"Lots of sit ups..." Dr. Staple sighed. "Can you hand me her pants please?" They slipped on my pants and Nurse Aird rushed to get a wheelchair.

They lifted me onto it and brought me to the hospital room where I got my morning checks. They laid me onto the bed that was pushed to the side of the room and Dr. Staple presses her two fingers against my neck and sighed.

"Her pulse is really weak."

"Ellie I think we should do this while she's asleep. I mean it's your call but... maybe get Cordelia on the phone and make sure it's okay with her."
Dr. Staple nodded and grabbed the phone off the wall and quickly dialed her number.