healing

promise

"What do you mean? I didn't cheat on her."

"I heard about Wilhemina."

"I ended things with Delia before I did anything with Wilhemina. You don't know shit Zoe so how about you stay out of it."

"What happened to you y/n? ...I get it. You're sick. But you're being a real cunt."

"Me? I just had to sit in a car with Cordelia for six fucking hours after she dragged me away from that place. So who knows?! Maybe I'll- I'll just die! ...I mean... I don't know what to do anymore Zoe."

"Get better."

"...That's SO true oh my god thanks Zoe! I never thought of that you're a fucking life saver!"

"I'm just trying to help."

"Well stop. Everyone who's tried to help has done well more damage than good. So just give it up."

"Wow. ...I'll let you unpack. I'll see you later," she mumbled, leaving the room and closing the door. I sighed and dropped my arms by my side. I was just so tired. Tired of everything. But right now, I wanted to actually sleep so I slipped under the covers after moving my bags off of it.

Once my head hit the pillow, I was out.

****

Cordelia's pov:

After sitting in my office, allowing myself to be alone with my thoughts for a bit, Myrtle told me she would handle dinner and I could smell it from my desk. I close my laptop at the page of mental facilities I was looking for, for y/n. I couldn't bare making her go to these places but it seems like it's her best bet.

After everything that's happened, my fear of not being able to ever help her felt like a reality.

I sigh and slowly head up the stairs. I first go to y/n's room to wake her for dinner and hesitantly knock. There's no answer so I creak the door open to see her small body cuddled up under the blankets. She must have been so tired.

I sit on the bed beside her and look at her torso slowly rise and fall with each shallow breath. I move her hair from her closed eyes and stroke her hollow cheek with my chuckles. I couldn't believe how pale her skin was, how sharp her cheekbones were, and chapped her lips looked.

I hesitantly moved the covers down, exposing more of her thin body. I stroked my hand up her arm and then lightly gripped onto it. I could almost wrap my fingers all the way around but after toying around with it for a moment, I could fit them all the way around. I stroked my hand over her jawline and before I knew it, I was feeling more and more of her cold body. She has bones protruding every part of her body. Before I slid my hand over her sharp hip bones that were especially visible since she was laying down, I notice something on her neck. It looked like a cut. I brushed my finger over it, seeing how fresh it was. That's when she jerks to the side and opens her eyes.

"W- what are you doing?" she says, pulling the covers back over herself as I immediately stood up.

"I- I'm sor- Uhm dinner- dinner is ready downstairs," I said before rushing out of the room and closing the door.

y/n

I stayed sitting up, looking at the door in shock as Cordelia left. My shirt had been pulled up and I could still feel her touch on my body.

I felt her touch the cut on my neck from when Diane had a knife to it. No way I could tell her about all of that.

I took a deep breath and threw the covers off of me. I steady myself as I stand up and throw on an oversized sweater over my tank top. I open the door and slowly make my way down the hallway and stairs. I see everyone at the table and both Madison and Zoe shoot me an unfriendly look. Zoe more concerned though.

I sat between Cordelia and Zoe and stared down at my lap as everyone started eating. I put my hand over my forehead, stroking my eyebrow with my finger. Something I tend to do when I'm nervous.

Everyone was silent as they ate. It was just the same as Dr. Staple's. Cordelia sighs and takes my plate, putting food on it for me. She places it in front of me and looks me dead in the eyes.

"Eat."

I give her a thin-lipped smile and slam my hands on the table, standing up and leaving. So glad I'm able to do that now without getting some stupid points taken away. But I know how much it was breaking Cordelia. On my way back up the stairs, I hear a chair push out, followed by the sound of Myrtle's voice.

"Delia darling at least finish your dinner."

"I'm fine. I'll be back," Cordelia sighed.

I rush back to my room and close the door, only for it to swing open, revealing Cordelia's distressed state.

"I need to talk to you. Sit."

"Cordelia I-"

"No. I'm tired of you ignoring me and pushing me to the side. Sit down."

I shut my mouth and carefully sat on my bed, not daring to break eye contact. Cordelia sighs and steps closer to me. I feel nervous and feel tears building up as I look down at my lap. Cordelia immediately lifts my chin with her fingers looking deep into my eyes.

"Listen to me. You have no idea how bad this is y/n. It just doesn't stop. I love you. But I am so so scared. ...So, you either agree with me to set up a meal plan or I'll send you to a real impatient facility. Where you will lay in a hospital bed and they just tube you right away, giving you 5000 calories a day. You don't want that do you?"

My eyes were wide and I frantically shake my head. She nods and takes her hand away.

"Then will you please please try to cooperate with me? I just want to help you. That's all I've wanted. To help you get better. I will always love you y/n and I know how hard this has been but you will die if you don't get your shit together. Alright?"

I hesitantly nodded, making a relieved smile tug at her lips for a second.

"Good. That's- that's good," she whispered, looking down for a second, dropping her tensed shoulders.

"Delia?" I quietly said, making her gaze immediately meet mine. "I- I'm not... trying to be like this. I can't help it and I'm just- so fucking sorry how long this has gone on. I've never tried hard enough. It's my fault and I've dragged you and myself down this dark, never ending, depressing road that I just can't seem to pull myself out of. I've been self destructive. I know that. ...I- I want to live Cordelia. I do."

"...You promise?

"I promise."