healing

someone new

a/n: Just realized that when they watch Carol in this, "Nurse Aird" is literally her... so ignore that! Because it just the same as all of them being the same person!

***

I just laid there, staring at the ceiling as Wilhemina sighs. I put a hand over my mouth and start laughing. Wilhemina just looks down at me sorrowfully and confused as I just giggled.

"Oh my god I'm literally crazy!" I gasped, placing my hand on my forehead, still laughing until tears started spilling from my eyes and I started sobbing with panicked breaths.

"y/n?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and continued to just sob endlessly. My breathing quickened and I started gasping for air.

"I-I-I am s-so s-stupid," I cried. Wilhemina sat on the bed with a worried expression and places her hands on my shoulder, trying to get me to sit up as I started shaking.

"y/n, you need to sit up honey. Breathe," she says as finally sat me up. I placed a hand over my chest, feeling like my heart was about to burst. Wilhemina was speaking to me but I couldn't hear her. I was uncontrollably shaking as Wilhemina places herself behind me. She rubs my arms up and down, holding me close. "Shhh y/n, you are safe. It's okay. Breathe for me honey just breathe."

"I ca- I can't-t," I sobbed. Wilhemina quickly got up and sat in front of me again and placed my hand on her heart like the did the last time.

"Yes you can baby. In and out. Just focus on breathing. Everything is okay can you feel my heartbeat?" I just frantically nodded and she takes my other hand in hers. "In and out love. You can do it."

My breathing finally calmed down and I leaned forward into Wilhemina as I still kept gasping from crying. She wrapped her arms around me and rubbed my back in circles. I practically clawed to her shirt, soaking it in tears.

"I- I'm s-sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be. It's alright. You're alright. We'll figure this out." Wilhemina then looks at her small watch and sees that it's dinner time. "Ugh. It's time for dinner."

"I'm not going. I can't face her again. Or Dr. Staple after I lied like that."

"y/n, you have to. You'll get in trouble." I just retracted from the hug and wiped my nose, shaking my head.

"Hey. They're playing Carol tonight for movie night," Wilhemina said with a smile.

"Really? ...I don't get movie nights though..."

"Well, maybe if you eat tonight, we can sit together and watch it."

"I would really like that Wilhemina."

"Me too darling. So come on. Let's go eat."

I smiled softly and followed her down the stairs. At the dinner table, Diane sat away from me but shot me a mischievous smile. I looked over the food and got some chicken, brussel sprouts, corn, beans, and a tiny bit of pasta. Everyone was staring at me.

"You better not waste that," Xandra says, with food in her mouth.

"Xandra shut up," Amanda hissed.

I gave them a quick thin lipped smile and started cutting the chicken and taking small bites. I look over at Wilhemina, exchanging a smile with her. I really tried not to cry but I eventually finished my plate. I look at Wilhemina who had the softest, prideful smile on her face. I look back at Dr. Staple who looked shocked. I tried not to count the calories but I couldn't help it. 800 calories.

"Dr. Staple, can I watch the movie now?" I asked from my seat, making a few of the women laugh.

"...no... y/n, your points are still very low."