healing

lost

Tw: Forceful grabbing/ restraining (not SA), hiding food, hurtful comments that can be insensitive to ppl with eating disorders, mental hospital, ng tube, mention of SA.

Diane's eyes were wide and filled with tears as I screamed my head off on the ground. Two orderlies came running toward me and grabbed me by the arms. She watched, mortified.

"Jesus christ, another crazy anorexic," one of them mumbled. I hated most orderlies in the hospitals. They were just so inconsiderate and rude. They didn't care about patients wellbeing it was just more proof how fucked the mental hospice system is.

"I'm not crazy. I know her. She's fucking crazy! Please get her away please," I sobbed as they harshly held my arms.

"Alright come on. Stop screaming no one wants to hear that more than they already do in this place."

"Please sir, I'm sorry," I said, looking into his eyes with mine begging. "Can I please make a phone call? Please."

He chuckled in response.

"..Yeah I know you're new, based on your scrubs, but I'm not. You can't make a phone call yet."

"It's an emergency."

"And what might that be miss?"

"Uhm-"

"You're right where you belong sweetheart," he laughs. "Now people like you need to eat or they're gonna give you the tube."

I decided to keep my mouth shut and follow him to the cafeteria. My heart continued to race and tears streamed down my cheeks at the disbelief. I was brought to a table with a bunch of other girls and boys around my age. The dirty, judgy looks were something I never missed about these places.

I was sat in front of a plate of rice and chicken, vegetables, fruit, milk, and a cookie. I pushed it away and that earned some more stares. It felt exactly like Dr. Staple's, except a bunch of people going through the same thing which made it worse.

A nurse quickly made her way over.

"Eat your food or you get no credits on your chart. You're triggering other patients."

"I just want a phone call. Please."

The nurse looked hesitant and leaned down a bit.

"If you finish that entire plate, then you get a phone call," she smirked.

"No. That's not fair I don't remember getting here, I don't even know where the hell I am! Get me a fucking phone call!"

"...You have twenty five minutes to finish your meal. That would take some time away don't you think? Eat up or you can have some supplement for dinner."

Everyone else at the table looked scared for their lives as they ate. I looked down at my tray and began to eat. I started sliding food into my bra. A blonde girl across the table noticed and smirked.

"Nurse, she's hiding food," she beamed, pointing a finger at me. My eyes go wide and a nurse storms over, taking my hand and pulling me away from the table.

That was on me. I panicked and she did the right thing by reporting it to a nurse. I just feel terrible.

The nurse and a man began to rip my scrubs off and unclip my bra in front of the whole cafeteria. The man takes the food that was stuffed there and holds it up to my face. He was an ugly doctor. The top of his head was bald, he had a curly mustache and beard, he was skinny and extremely tall.

I look at him in fear as I cover my breasts with my arms. Quickly turning around, I see Diane glaring at me with piercing, narrow eyes as she slowly takes a spoon from her lips. She smiles.