healing

its never over

TW: Talk of sexual assault, talk of rape, knives

Of course they had to already bombard me with questions.

"Tell us."

"Well- I... the first time... was when she came into my room..."

"What happened in your room y/n?" Dr. Staple said with a stern expression.

"She- uhm she was touching me." I don't know how I did it but it was like I involuntarily let those words out of my mouth. Dr. Staple's eyes sunk into an apologetic look as a tear fell from my eye, that only made contact with the fidgeting hands on my lap. Alice couldn't bring herself to speak.

"How was she touching you...y/n?" Dr. Staple said, realizing Alice's inability to continue the conversation.

"It was the night that I ran away. ...I had woken up around midnight... and she was-" My breathing felt heavy and I was shaking as I look down, seeing Mina's hands squeezing mine. I take my hand away from hers and try my best to finish. "My pants and underwear were are my ankles. Diane was holding me to her and she- she was well- she had her-"

HOW THE FUCK DO I PHRASE THIS?!

"She was... fingering me."

The two women looked like they had just seen a ghost.

"y/n, did anything happen prior to this night that night have provoked Diane to do this?"

"I'm sorry- are you asking her if there was something she did to provoke rape?" Wilhemina asked with shock and anger in her voice.

"Yes. It's my fault Dr. Staple. I was pretty attached to Diane when I first got here. I led her on. I let her get touchy. And hell, I almost let her have sex with me. So I'd say it was on me when I started to ignore her and let her get to that point. Because she's crazy. I know better."

"...y/n- yes I understand that you and Diane had some... physical interactions but that is no excuse for her behavior. Is this what caused you to run away that night?" Alice asked sadly.

"No. It was my eighteenth birthday. I was going to anyways. That just was another bad memory to leave with."

"y/n, this is very serious. Wilhemina, where do you take part in this?" Dr. Staple asks rather rudely.

"I'm-"

"She's here because this isn't so easy to talk about. And as of right now, I don't really trust anyone else."

The two women look at each other for a moment and then back down to their clipboards and papers and whatever the fuck.

"y/n, what did you do when you woke up to Diane that night?"

"What anyone else would do. I was quiet at first but... she knew I was awake. So I screamed. She just covered my mouth and threatened me."

"Threatened to do what?"

"Tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"...That I had been excessively exercising. Purging. Hiding food. All that."

"Had you?"

"...It- it was weeks ago I mean... what does it matter now?" I laughed nervously.

"It does, y/n."

"...No I wasn't."

"Good," Dr. Staple nodded. I looked to Wilhemina again. She seemed pained. It hurt. I decided to take her hand again and she squeezed it.

"y/n, have there been any other encounters like this one with Diane?"

"Uhm... if trying to slide her hands in my pants at like every meal, then yes."