healing

running

TW: mention of bulimia, exercise, Fainting, force feeding,

******

The next morning, I woke up wrapped in Cordelia's warm embrace. Our legs were tangled together and my head was being held to her chest. I nuzzled into her a bit and feel her stroke my back up and down. She kisses my hairline and holds me tighter.

Suddenly, her phone rings beside her and she shuffles around before turning over and answering it.

"Hello?"

"Cordelia? It's Dr. Staple."

I couldn't hear who she was on the phone with since I was so tired.

"Oh. Uhm one second," Cordelia replies, standing up and kissing me once again before stepping out of the room. "Sorry about that. Uhm how- how can I help you?"

"No worries. I just...wanted to see how y/n is doing?"

"Oh she's uhm... she's alright."

"Good. That's good. I uhm didn't think her absence would have such an effect on some of the women here," Dr. Staple laughed nervously.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well Diane is refusing to leave her room, Sally was being extra rude yesterday and said she missed y/n in therapy, and surprisingly, Wilhemina has been very down too. She won't speak in group therapy and refuses to talk to her therapist, Alice."

"Well, I'm sorry they are feeling that way but I think y/n is a lot better now that shes home. She ate a full meal last night and didn't throw up. It's the first time in a few years. I was extremely proud of her. Maybe things were working with you Ellie."

"A full meal?" Dr. Staple asks, sounding extremely surprised.

"Yes. Chicken piscatta and vegetables. I couldn't believe it."

"Cordelia, I know you want it to be that easy just- maybe watch for bruises on her knuckles, puffiness in the-"

"Wait wait wait. Hold on. Are you trying to tell me you don't believe she's... recovering?"

"No that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying based on her eating patterns here at the facility... it just seems unlikely."

"Well she did eat. And I'm proud of her for it!" Cordelia said with a bit of anger in her voice. I sat up on the bed and carefully walked to the door, listening to Cordelia on the phone.

I couldn't help but start to cry. I feel so horrible lying to her. She's over there thinking I'm recovering and getting better but that was far from the truth. I heard Cordelia's voice rise a few times but I couldn't hear her over my thoughts. I wiped my tears and headed for the door. Just as I open it, Cordelia is standing at the bathroom door.

"y/n?" I just look down, trying to hide my tear stained face until she rests a hand on my shoulder. "Baby what is it?"

"I'm sorry."

"What? Sorry for what?"

"I- I lied. I lied to you about last night."

"W-what do you mean?"

I finally look into her eyes.

"I made myself throw up last night. You can hate me now Delia. I'm sorry," I mumbled, going to head out the door but she grabs my arm. "Delia let me go! I'm fucked up just admit it!"

She just looked at me with an empty, sorrowful face. I tore my hand away from her grasp and left the room completely. I went to my bedroom and Zoe was in there. I laid on my bed, making Zoe move her book to the side and look at me, taking in my current state.