healing

going back

TW: suicidal thoughts, mention of suicide

"I don't know. Maybe... Dr. Staple?"

"Are you kidding? Is that some kind of sick joke Cordelia because it's not funny!"

"y/n, I don't know what else to do. I can't see you suffering anymore. I can't keep watching you deny it y/n, you are so so sick."

"I KNOW. I CAN'T GO BACK. THEY- THEY ALMOST RUINED EVERYTHING."

"Ruined? If by ruined you mean try helping you get better, why do you act like that's a bad thing?!"

"BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN GAIN MORE WEIGHT."

"I would rather die than see you suffering anymore."

"FUCK YOU CORDELIA. FUCK YOU."

I ran out of the room and slam my door, locking it. I lay on my bed, tears streaming down my face along with sobbed screams. I couldn't comprehend it anymore. If she knew what they put me through, why would she make me go back?

"y/n, please open the door. We can talk about this but you have to go back. You're going to die y/n, you need to get better."

"I don't want to!" I screamed, lifting my head from the pillow.

"y/n, you would be leaving us all behind. Myrtle, Zoe, Madison, Queenie, Nan, Misty,.... Me. I can't let you do that."

You storm to the door, opening it and look at her tear filled face.

"I'll eat. Right now. 500, 1000, 2000 FUCKING CALORIES. WHATEVER YOU WANT."

"y/n-"

"No! Come on let's go!" I said with anger in my voice.

I start rushing down the stairs with Cordelia quickly trailing behind me. We passed the girls in the living room who all looked confused. I rush to the fridge and start taking out random tupperwares of food. Cordelia just watched with terrified eyes as I struggle to lift them because of my hand. I opened three containers and grabbed a fork, ready to pick up some of the food but I stopped. I just looked down at the food and more tears fell down my face as I huffed in anger, just staring at it. Cordelia sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"y/n honey-"

I tear my arm away from her and start breathing heavily, trying to bring myself to eat the pasta. That's when Zoe, Queenie, and Madison came in with confused faces.

I shook my head and threw the fork on the table in frustration and went to run back upstairs. Delia started to go after me but Zoe and Madison stopped her.

"Cordelia, let us go," Zoe says with an apologetic smile. Cordelia just bites her lip and nods. Zoe, Madison and Queenie rush up the stairs, to y/n's room. Madison knocks.

"GO AWAY!"

"y/n, it's us. Open the door," Queenie says.

"I don't care. JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN DR STAPLE GETS HERE TO FUCKING DRAG ME AWAY!"

"y/n, that's bullshit! Let us in!" Madison yelled.

"No! Leave me alone!"

"Okay guys come on. Just leave her alone for a bit okay?" Zoe whispered.

The girls all hesitantly left and Cordelia was now in her room on the phone.

"Cordelia?"

"Dr. Staple, hi," she said through tears. "Uhm- ....y/n has only gotten worse. I can't- I don't know how to help her anymore Ellie. I need her to go back. Her nerves are giving out."