healing

Seeing Things

We browsed the shop and Cordelia felt defeated that I didn't pick anything out. I really didn't need her to spend more money on me. We walked out of the store still hand in hand and got back in the car.

"Anywhere else that sounds appealing to you?"

"No that's okay."

"Oh. Alright well, I do have to go to the grocery store so we should start heading there."

"Okay," I replied with a soft smile. She starts to drive and looks over to me, now stopping the car.

It took me a moment to realize but I roll my eyes and put my seatbelt on.

"Thank you."

"Old habits die hard," I mumbled as she finally drove. She shakes her head and suddenly places a hand on my thigh as her eyes focused on the road. I slowly look down and her thumb was caressing my leg as she hummed to the radio. I look to her and once she meets my gaze, she realizes where her hand was. Her eyes widen and as she goes to pull her hand away, I rested mine on top of hers. She looks to me, then the road, then back to me. I slightly smiled and she returned. She rested her hand more comfortably and strokes it once before keeping it there.

We arrived at the grocery store and held hands as we entered. She stops and takes a piece of paper from her pocket, unfolding it.

"Okay first on the list is eggs... and I like to just go one by one so let's go," she chuckled. I followed her down numerous isle's, collecting all the items on her list.

We soon made our way to the produce section and as she was examining her apples as she does, I turn my head and catch sight of a woman. She had her back turned to me but she had wavy auburn hair and was wearing a cream cable knit sweater. She was far away but I swear it was her.

All of my surroundings suddenly disappeared and it was just me, and the woman. I walked closer to her and I felt tears brimming my eyes. She then takes a hold of her cart and goes down an isle, still not revealing her face in my direction.

"y/n, what do you think? ...Myrtle might be angry I never grew these myself in the garden," she mumbled. Once I didn't answer, she looked up and saw me mindlessly walking towards the woman. "y/n?"

I pick up my pace and run down to the isle she turned at. I see her leaving it at the end. I run as fast as my legs can carry me and let out a sob.

"Diane!"

When I screamed her name, she turned around. I was about two feet in front of her and I froze.

It was in fact, not Diane.

"Miss are you alright?" she asks, seeing my eyes were wide and my breaths were just getting heavier and heavier. The woman placed a hand on my arm with a concerned expression and I immediately flinched. Everything was blurry and I couldn't breathe. I fell to my knees on the ground and soon feel hands on my shoulders.

"y/n!" Cordelia yelled as the other woman watched in fear. Cordelia looked the woman up and down and shook her head, putting her hand out, using her powders to make her mindlessly walk away. "Come back to me baby it's okay." she whispered, taking my face in her hands. My eyes were glued to the floor as I desperately try to catch my breath. I was shaking like a leaf and Cordelia takes hold of my hands.

"Come on baby stand up it's alright."

"I want to go- h-home," I whispered, putting my face in my hands.

"Then let's go home."

I looked up at her as she took my hands once again, pulling me to my feet. She wraps an arm around my shoulder and I keep my head down as we quickly walk out of the grocery store. We got into her car and I immediately sat my ass down, buckling my seat belt and still try to calm my breathing. Cordelia quickly got into the driver's seat and I held my knees to my chest as we sat in silence. She looks to me but I keep my eyes on the windshield. She quietly sighs and pulls out of the parking lot.

"...Do you want to tell me what that was about...?" she asked with an unreadable voice.

"...I don't- I'm sorry. I don't know. I just want to go home."

Cordelia just nodded and kept her eyes on the road.

Halfway home, I look at her and see her teary eyes. That was the only time I looked at her the entire ride. On the other hand, I felt her eyes on me many, many times. I kept my eyes fixated out the window as I replayed the scene in the store. I felt so stupid. I knew that wasn't Diane. How could it be?

We pulled into the driveway of the coven and I immediately got out of the car and slammed the door shut. Cordelia quickly got out of the car, following me as I rush up the front steps.

"y/n wait."

Once inside, I ran up the stairs and Cordelia started after me.

"y/n!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed, slamming my bedroom door. I stood at the door and took a deep breath before I turn around to see Zoe and Madison both laying on their beds, looking at me with confused expressions. "...Sorry..."

"Jesus, how many screaming matches are you going to get into with her?" Madison scoffs.

I just shake my head and hear a knock on the door.

"y/n, please come out. You need to come eat lunch."

"I just ate." I quipped, crossing my arms as I look at the door separating us.

"...No you didn't. That was breakfast. Three hours ago."

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't believe that." Suddenly, the lock clicks and Cordelia swings it open. "y/n, please."

"I can't right now Cordelia please. I just want to be alone. ...I'm taking a nap in the guest room," I mumbled, grabbing sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt to change into. I leave the room and once I'm in the guest room, I change into my more comfortable clothing and get under the fresh, clean sheets. I could never sleep in jeans.

I roll on my side and stroke a hand on the empty bed. I missed Wilhemina so much. I wish I was next to her, letting her hold me and rub my back. I just can't stop thinking about how many times her mood and feeling would completely change due to her illness and I never put the pieces together until Dr. Staple told me.

Back in the facility, deep down I had this dream of us having a life together. It was always in the back of my mind.... along with Cordelia.

I could still hear her sweet voice in my head, the sickly sweet smell of her lavender perfume, her soft brown eyes, and her affection she only showed for me and me only.

All these thoughts raced in my head and I had an idea. I sneak out of the guest room, looking down the hallway to make sure no one was there.

Cordelia went back out to get the groceries... so I snuck down to her office and went on her computer.

"Dr. Ellie Staple Recovery Home for Women."

I find the website and the number. I take my phone from my pocket and dial it.

"This is Dr. Ellie Staple how can I help you?"

I clear my throat before disgusting my voice in a way she wouldn't recognize.

"Hello, can I speak to a Wilhemina Venable?"