healing

i'm sorry

In my bedroom, I have my knees pulled to my chest as I remain on my bed. I feel so fucking frustrated. I fuck everything up. Diane, Cordelia, Wilhemina, and now Sally and possibly Xandra. I've done nothing but cause people here and the people around me pain.

I soon hear my door creak open.

"That was brave, what you did."

I turn around and see Diane standing at the door. I quickly look back down at the bed, frantically wiping my tears as she shifts closer to me after closing the door.

"Wilhemina was in pain. I- It was selfish of Sally to do that," I mumbled, holding my knees tighter. Diane sits down with apologetic eyes and places a hand around my shoulder.

"It made me think... If Sally begged you not to tell because she didn't want to go back to rehab, why didn't you tell on me after I begged you not to?" she asked with a sly smirk.

"I don't know, Diane. Everything I touch turns to shit. You should just leave me alone for your own good. Everyone should."

"Oh no baby no. No listen to me," she whispered, holding my face, looking deeply into my eyes. "You are so perfect y/n. It's because everyone wants to be with you I mean how could they not? But I want you the most. I'll always be by your side. I'd never hurt you and I'd help you fix your mistakes."

"Diane-"

"Sh. Don't. I won't ever give up on you y/n."

Tears were spilling out of my eyes at this point. I've never been more conflicted in my life. But before I knew it, I was kissing Diane. She caressed my body like she was cherishing it. I placed a hand on her shoulder, practically clawing onto her sweater.

"Mm yes baby," she whispered, moving me onto her thigh. I started to move my hips along her slender leg, making us both moan in unison. "Grind on me. Come on baby."

More tears fell down my cheeks as I moved off her, still continuing to passionately kiss her. She seemed disappointed I wasn't going any further than that so she quickly topped me and started grinding her knee into my center, like that one night after the movie.

I moaned quietly as she pushed harder and cups my breast, squeezing it. I grasped her shoulders loosely as she kisses down my neck, sucking on my pulse point. As she moved up my face, she knew I was crying but that didn't stop her. She kissed away my tears and went back to my lips as she rolled her hips into me.

That's when we hear voices of some of the women in the hallway. Diane stops and whispered in my ear.

"It's time for lunch baby. Until tonight."

She un straddled me and leaned over, kissing my forehead before leaving the room with a huge smile on her face. I wiped my tears and quickly sat up. I finally went to my closet and put on a sweater, seeing I felt pretty cold.

I head out the door only to be stopped by a tall figure. I jump for a moment and look up seeing Wilhemina standing in front of me with a smile. She pecks my lips and takes my hand, taking me by surprise.

"Will you sit next to me today?" she asks.

"Uhm... yeah sure."

Arriving at the table, I see two empty seats on the right of Diane. I sat next to her and Wilhemina gave me a weird look as she sat on the other side. This might get real awkward really fucking quick.

"Sweetheart... maybe we should move," Wilhemina whispered in my ear. I pretend to just notice that Diane was beside me.

"Oh. I didn't realize."

That's when Amanda and Tammy both sit down, filling the two other empty seats.

"Everywhere else is taken. It's fine," I said, shaking my head and looking down at my lap.