healing

the runaway

After Cordelia cleaned me up, we went to the living room and sat nervously, unsure what to do.

"Tea?" Cordelia suddenly asks as I was practically melting into her left shoulder.

"Uhm green please," I whispered. She nodded and went to the kitchen as I sat, biting my nails, staring at nothing. She soon came back with our tea and handed it to me with a soft smile. I took it from her hands and sipped it. "Delia?"

"Yes baby?"

"Is there honey in here?"

"Well- yes just a little-" she said as I took another sip. Once she said that, I paused and let the liquid fall from my lips back into the cup. "Oh y/n."

"I don't like honey."

"Yes you do y/n. It's not even a tablespoon why would you do that?" I just shrug and put it back on the table as Cordelia rolls her eyes. My expression soon fades and I stand up. "Where are you going?"

"Back upstairs. I'm sorry," I mumbled, going to walk to the stairs but my vision went blurry. I felt as if nothing was real. Like I was dying. "D-Delia?" I whispered, about to fall but Cordelia catches me.

"Baby? Baby are you okay?"

My eyes started to flutter closed and Cordelia started to panic.

"Delia. This is it," I said quietly.

"No no no y/n don't say that. DON'T SAY THAT. You're okay. You're alright y/n please! MYRTLE! MYRTLE, ZOE!!!! MISTY! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!"

"I'm sorry. I love you Cordelia."

"y/n?" Cordelia asks. You snap out of your trance and move away from her shoulder, thinking about the scene that replayed in your head.

"What?"

"I asked if you wanted some tea."

"No I'm okay," I replied, moving my head to her lap where she played with my hair as I fidgeted with my rings. "Cordelia?"

"Mhm?"

"Are you going to send me away again?"

"...I don't know y/n. I love you and I want you to get better but... everything we try just... it doesn't work out."

"I know. I'm sick of it Delia I am. I just... I don't know how to... stop."

"I know baby. I know you've tried we just... need to find something else. I love you."

"I love you too."

Cordelia rests her hand on my hairline with a sad smile. I place my hand back down on my stomach and soon fall asleep.

***

I woke up in the morning back in Delia's room. She was sat in a chair across from the bed, asleep. She had a habit of staying with me while I slept. Especially when my disorder was at its worse, making sure I was still breathing.

She looked so distressed and exhausted. I sigh and place a blanket over her, spreading it out. Just as I was about to crawl off the bed, she grasps my wrist and pulls me into a kiss. I placed a hand on her face and pulled away.

"Good morning love."

"How long did you sleep for?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not long. I- SHIT."

Cordelia then shoots up from her chair, discarding the blanket onto the floor. A confused look took over my face and I ran after her, slowly but surely.

"Cordelia?" I yelled, following her and stopping when I see her in Fiona's room. I slowly walk towards her as the stares at the stop where Fiona lay last night but she was gone from the balcony. Cordelia runs to her closet and finds all of Fiona's clothes are gone.

"She's gone."

"What?" I asked, fixing my eyes on the empty wardrobe.

"Fiona. She ran. Again."

I felt a weight lift from my shoulders and I smiled a bit.

"Good. Right? I mean- she almost killed both of us," I said, unsure of Cordelia's current feelings about the situation.

"Yes. Yes it- it's good," she said with a shaking voice. "That's all she does. Leave," she mumbled, a tear falling down her cheek. I hesitantly gave her a hug from the side. She immediately turns to me, holding me in her arms. "I love you y/n. Please don't leave me," she whispered.

"I-I wouldn't. I couldn't, Cordelia. You're all I have and I couldn't be more grateful for it."

"Okay. Thank you my love," she whispers.

I just held her tighter and as she held me back, stars danced across my vision and suddenly, my arm couldn't hold her.

"D-Delia?" I whispered with fear in my voice.

"Yes baby?"

"M-My arm. Oh my god I- I- my arm!" I said, looking down at it. Cordelia releases from the hug with a confused face.

"What is it?"

"M-my nerves... they're giving out again," I whispered with tears now forming in my eyes.

"Make a fist baby can you make a fist?"

I try to make a fist in my hand but my fingers were moving too slowly.

"I can't. Oh my god I- I can't."

Cordelia stands up and grabs a small perfume bottle from Fiona's desk.

"Shh honey don't panic. Try and pick this up."

Cordelia places it on the ground and as I try to wrap my fingers around it, I was too weak. It slipped right through them. I tried again and Cordelia's face grew more terrified.

"I can't."

"Baby, your nerves are giving out."

"I KNOW, CORDELIA."

"y/n, listen. I think we need to get you admitted somewhere again."

"LIKE WHERE?!" I cried, curling into a ball, digging my face into my knees.

"I- I don't know. Maybe Dr. Staple?"