Bucky Barnes imagines

Lovely

A/N: Hello, friends! I just want to begin by talking about something serious real quick. As this story mentions concepts such as depression, please take care of yourself. If you need to skip this one and read my next update (or any of the others in this book), please do so. It is a heavy topic, and as someone who is living with depression, I understand how hard it is to deal with even the idea of it. With that said, please enjoy, and know that you are loved!

Quick second A/N note: Rest assured, I am planning to update "Cold" for one final part, but it probably won't be out till later this week at the latest. Thank you for all of the love! :)

-M <3

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Thought I found a way

Thought I found a way out

But you never go away

So I guess I gotta stay now

My whole soul ached with the promise of a new day, my energy drained even as I opened my eyes for the first time that morning. If I had it my way, I would never have to leave the comfort of my soft sheets and cozy comforter. But, of course, life would never slow down enough for that to happen.

I turned my head to the side, glancing at the alarm clock that had yet to go off. The red numbers glared at me harshly through the darkness, only half-past six. It had taken till three to finally drift into a restless sleep, never truly finding peace after losing consciousness. It was as if I had never slept at all.

The familiar bottle of medication sat next to my alarm clock, almost taunting me as I gazed wearily at it. I should've embraced it as a comfort, a means to an end to the state I was in. But it had been nothing less than a menace. Headaches, insomnia, lack of appetite... doing anything but chasing away the monster that followed me everywhere I went.

But, as my alarm finally went off to start my day, I reluctantly took another pill from the bottle and swallowed, chasing it down with a cool drink of water. Perhaps today was the day that things would be different. Perhaps today was the day that I would be okay again.

Oh, I hope someday I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes all night or a hundred years

Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near

Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear.

My hope was naive at best, and idiotic at worst. It was squashed in only a number of hours, feeling myself fall over the edge again while listening to Steve debrief a previous mission that I frankly couldn't bring myself to care about. My eyes fell to my fingers in my lap, as they began to fidget, my right hand beginning to pick at the cuticles on my left hand. Another obnoxious habit that I had developed as of recent days.

"Y/N? Y/N!"

My head snapped up to find everyone staring at me silently, waiting for me to respond to whatever question was proposed. My cheeks burned scarlet at the sudden focus of attention on me.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Glad you could return back to Planet Earth. " Steve's voice was unamused and I had to resist flinching at its coldness as I held eye contact with him. "Pay attention. Your job is not to daydream. "

Oh, God, did I wish I was lost in my dreams. That would be a thousand times better than the emptiness that surrounded me now.

I nodded quickly, muttering a quick apology as Steve gave me one more glance before continuing to talk. A hand grabbed one of my own, interrupting my fidgeting, and I looked over to find Bucky's attention focused on me. The concern in his eyes was almost heartbreaking, and I quickly but discretely shook my head, trying my hardest to shield him from this pain. It was unfair to put such a weight on the shoulders of one of my closest friends, especially after all he had gone through.